Titanic: The Animated Movie (Part 1)

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A Three Tenors Production

Is there a big market for cartoons of great historical tragedies in Italy?

Coming Soon: Anne Frank's Wacky Holocaust Adveture!

MARCO!
COLUMBO!!

...the top shelf of the cupboard, next to the glass pitcher and Grandma's antique casserole dish.

It's pronounced "Jim" but his parents tried too hard to be creative.

Music from the Hallmark Easy Listening Collection

"Um, Mister Captain, could you maybe help us?"
"Shut up, you brats, now step on it! I want to be in New York by Friday!"

WHOOO! Party!

"Hey, I've got an idea, how about a round? I'll start: Row, row, row your boat..."

Mary Worth is concerned.

The Young Belle Chronicles

"Good idea dressing in drag to get on the lifeboat, Earl.."

Well, at least things are moving along; it took Cameron two and a half hours to get to this point.

"No, I'm too pretty to die!"

*sob* "Our 99 children, all gone!"

"I don't know why, but we seem to be going in circles..."

The lifeboat's all decorated for Christmas!

TIIIIMBEEEEEEEEEEER!!!

Reaction Shots: The Movie

Spring Break! WHOOO!

"Well, at least that bitch Cruella went down with the ship..."

"I am startled again!"

Well, not really titanic, I mean, it only has a population of half a million...

Previously on Lost...

Poirot's Zany Orient Express Voyage!

*gasp* "Why, that's me!"

Quite a coup getting Angela Lansbury to voice her.

Not so much a "wicked" stepfamily as a mildly annoying one.

"Just because I'm an orphan doesn't mean I'll never see my family again!"

Didn't Norman Osborne live there?

Perfect. I always say, "Every good animated film needs a shot of a seagull's ass."

Your Royal Caribbean vacation awaits!

What the--hey, that's HITLER!

"Wait, I didn't fasten my seatbeeeeeelt..."

Ha-ha, he has massive internal injuries and will die painfully!

Carol Channing!

Jasper and Horace have fallen on hard times.

Could you turn down the Cockney a click or two, please?

"Don't worry, I've got your head bustle!"

That is one tired cat; it must not be getting its twenty hours of sleep per day.

No, she dropped her Cracker Jack prize!

IRONY ALERT

Is that a hat or a circus tent?

Ah yes, of the L.L. Bean McFlannels...

Let's see, what other classic animated films can we rip off? Oh that's right, An American Tail!

"You're dead, box!"

"Nobody, nobody! Just your average, everyday clothes-wearing sentient mouse..."

Ah, I think I've found the Smarmy Rich Guy (TM)

What a lousy accent!

"Divine figoo?"

"Back off, buddy, she's my girl!"

"A cheap necklace dropped on the dirty wharf--that's the PERFECT present for a lady!"

"After all, no one's slick as me."

"Remember, it's very important being you!"

"Please, allow my bland handsomeness to assist you."

"Don't worry about me, I'll just carry these very heavy suitcases all the way to my cabin myself with my arthritic limbs..."

"The bodies of those that wronged me."

"You know, on the off chance we hit an iceberg and sink, or something."

Are there very many hillbilly squirrels in England?

"Scuse me, I need this for my embroidery..."

I didn't know Kehaar and Jeremy the Crow had a love child...

"We're the officially designated offensive cultural stereotypes!"

Wicket bongos?

"No relation to Sherlock Holmes, really."

PLOT POINT ALERT

"So, how many child laborers did you kill last year?"

"NOBODY will recognize me for a detective in THIS get-up!"

"Even though everybody on deck just saw me run to catch the boat."

Chief Officer Jonathan Frakes

"Check it out, I just grew three feet running up here!"

o/...You load sixteen tons, whaddya get?...o/

"Increase the stock animation! Full speed ahead!"

"Buh-bye! Have fun storming the Atlantic!"

Tighten your corsets until they snap?

"Pull her at once"?

When you get near some coherent dialogue, let us know.

Her butt's in backwards!

"Hi, my name is Bilbo and I'll be your steward for this voyage..."

"She's the one that looks like a failed Disney Princess."

"No, the plot device is missing!"

"You put them on top of the Ginsu knives again!"

Wow, great reverb in that cabin...

"My fairy godmother will help me."

Granny traded in Sylvester and Tweety for a couple urchins!

"Not getting my tail amputated, I hope..."

Great, now every rat in the hold is going to be swarming their cabin...

If she starts singing to him, I'm quitting.

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Conspiracy Theory: Did We Land on the Moon? Part 1

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Manbags

In fact, they're mostly mistaken assumptions and half-assed guilt by association.

You are all individuals.

Why doesn't Fox News carry that disclaimer anymore?

IN A WORLD where rockets are shot into space...

The final episode of M*A*S*H*?

Okay. I don't believe it.

"The whole relationship, just the failed gamble of two people desperate not to be seen alone."

Paper or plastic?

Or whatever else we can find.

"The eagle is now picking up a tortoise to drop on that rock over there..."

I'm glad they took the time to interview a guy who thinks he knows everything but doesn't.

Tony Nelson?

Are you trying to tell me that Bush was actually pretending to be a complete idiot?

YOU MAKE THE CALL

[Insert melodrama here]

I hope this ends with Buzz Aldrin punching everyone involved in the face.

"Yeah, it's tied."

And promptly died of suffocation.

"Umm...what comes after nine?"

"I can't get 'Fly Me to the Moon' out of my head, over..."

Wow, it's so vaguely sexual...

Blasted in his face?

With no toilet stops on the way.

"Got really drunk and did some things they never spoke of again..."

"Read a few chapters of The Fountainhead..."

The ladies toilets? A theater showing Mamma Mia?

"No, your other right..."

("Sh***ing Our Pants Base" didn't quite have the same ring to it.)

Yes?

David Attenborough: "And here we see a footprint of the rare and probably endangered Neilius Armstrongius..."

Most of us don't wear tinfoil hats and build survival shelters under our garden sheds.

Now... what were they again?

"Crap, line?"

No, that wasn't it...

♬ ...Leap of faith, leap of faith...

So he knows everything there is to know about astronomy and space travel.

"For instance, we couldn't decide what colour we wanted the rockets to be."

Michael Bay's Apollo 13

Sikh the Truth

^
|
sane

...gave him a tingly feeling.

What channel was he watching?

"I mean, where was all the green cheese?"

"A cat chasing a mouse, and getting beaten up again and again? Preposterous!"

It was Fusie the Star Sprite!

"NOOOOO stars!" *irritating whistle*

It's almost like THE SUN WAS SHINING, you twits!

Waving... wobbling... whatever.

DUN DUN DUN!!!

Okay we admit it, we actually sent a woman!

And quite rightly, too.

"Morons, we call them."

"WE LOVE YOU, FLOCK OF SEAGULLS!"

These people will be found and eliminated.

Umm, they're paranoid and delusional?

Please, our government can't keep the lid on a couple waterboardings, let alone something like this...

"Beep beep! Woo! Aliens are coming, commander! They'll never take us alive, spaceman!"

Until he was fired for being mad as pants.

Please say you're only telling the documentary makers this because it's what they want to hear and you don't believe a word of what you're saying...

"...a ten billion dollar 'NEENER NEENER' at the Reds?"

In order to heal.

To the TARDIS!

People should never assume anything.

"They defined that as killing us all."

The Beanie Baby craze?

"...an America already terrified by the introduction of the Edsel."

Sputnik: Russian for "Daddy Long-Legs"

It carried "NU - C L E - AR" bombs. Get it right, people.

"But this footage of a large explosion says otherwise..."

Crap, are we doing the Watchmen trailer again?

Did these guys know what they were being interviewed for?

These people had been reading too much science-fiction.

Ha-ha, just a little joke from me, the narrator...

"Never tell me the odds!"

You're just making these numbers up as you go along, right?

"...Point zero, zero quillion, to the negative power of, like, infinity..."

Stupid rocket, you're not supposed to explode until you get to Russia!

Please. Tell.

"And the leprechauns never lie to me."

"...where did we get all the receipts?"

Why, through the magic of CGI, of course!

Since there's no way we can pretend it didn't actually happen.

It sent them to Pluto. CHEW ON THAT, CONSPIRACY PUSSIES!

"Hey Neil, if you don't come back can I have your stereo?"

Passing the time with a few games of charades and Zero-G Scrabble.

"...God created reality television, and seeing what He had done sealed it away in the dark places until the coming of the Antitaste."

"...and then Atlantis stole the missing Zapruder footage from the Reptoids."

Scorpio Zero, Capricorn leads the series by two.

So it MUST be true!

"Switch it to the Knicks game!"

"But we're planting an American flag anyway."

Which you already said was filmed AFTER the moon landing! Is NASA hiding a time machine too?

But it isn't.

Producer:
1. Gringo Wedding (2006) (executive producer)
2. Barbarosa (1982) (producer)
3. Hanover Street (1979) (producer)
4. Capricorn One (1978) (producer)
5. Extreme Close-Up (1973) (producer)

Self:
1. Conspiracy Theory: Did We Land on the Moon? (2001) (TV) .... Himself

"I also believe Bigfoot knows where Hoffa's body is."

The pudding is solid?

So let me get this right, they're putting a later piece of fiction forward as evidence that the moon landings were faked?

"...none of us actually had sex..."

Oh please. You can't even make your toupee look convincing.

Tv monitors! It's true!

*klieg light falls on astronaut*

But they somehow forgot the stars. Remember that.

I think you've had enough...

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Porsche 911 GT2 v Corvette ZR-1

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♬
So don't neglect your blog!
Don't avoid your blog!
You can disregard me if you please
But don't ignore your blog!

An aging douche in £60 pre-distressed designer jeans trying to look casual? Yeah, it does.

It was the talk of the cotillion.

"...laughed off the whole Sarah Palin thing..."

Zdar One?

How many odd foot of grunt is that?

"We'll be testing them to see which one carries more groceries."

And a better naughty 69.

And...

They both run out of gas.

What a clear day. You can nearly see Leeds a mile in the background.

(•)
(•)
(•)

(•)
(•)
(•)

(•)
(•)
(•)

.oO(Can't believe that bitch left me. Who does she think she is? She'll pay. Sooner or later, they all pay.)

My uncle always said that Corvettes tend to pixellate at high speeds.

You guys do know you can do a freeze-frame without physically pausing the tape in the camera, right?

"I think about my ex-wife."

Every time you take a what?

(The audio recording quality is actually fine here. No known sound codec can reproduce this much Cockney.)

"He's not bloody Roy!"

"I'm sick now."

"And now he's going to Vonage."

Please stop mentioning your Speedo.

*passes Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock in a bus*

1.5 Miles

54.45sec     55.32sec
@174.11mph     @176.82mph

Runway Barrier

62.52sec     62.52sec
@0mph     @0mph

"Proving once again how large my penis is."

.oO(Don't mention hitting his cat)

"I'll make you a deal, mate... See, if you're in the market, mate, I know a bloke who knows a bloke, see..."

Huh?

"You'll smell better."

Douchrace 2000: The Reckoning

After being flown back to the other end of the runway on a specially modified Boeing 747...

*plays with the radio*

"...not really love."

Turbo Lad! Defender of British youth the world over!

Wait, he's sitting on the right! They must have flipped the footage in post to make the other guy look faster.

You can do it, Speed Racer!

"There goes Buckaroo Bonzai on my left..."

We call it the "get down part."

The stupider the thing is, the more money people will spend on it?

"...Neither of us got laid today, so that is a draw. I did, however, jizz, in my pants."

T.M.I. dude.

You'd be sitting in traffic reading the ultimate frisbee bumper stickers on the back of a Geo.

"That way, both of our sponsors, will remain happy."

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Robin Hood: The Deserted Castle

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"You're aiming for the apple, right?"

"Sure, yeah. Whatever."

And To
Awkward Phrasings

(Don't worry -- that won't make sense after the episode either.)

.oO(Crap, I forgot my horse lock. Maybe I can just lean it against the rail and fake it.)

*THWACK!*

"Yes, have you seen not you?"

"I'm glad to see when any thought makes you unhappy."

"Boink? I hope I hope I hope..."

Reply to: comm-4y6hb-127@craigslist.org
Date: 1184-07-14, 8:16PM GMT

FLASHMOB: LOLX0Rz lets all show up at 10 on Fri dressed as Snow White!!!!!! Itll be ****AWESOM*******!!

• Location: Sherwood Forest
• It be NOT ok to contact this postere with Services or other Fiduciary Matteres

"So, what, a squirrel got in your barn again, didn't it? I am so over this couple sh*t..."

Famous for its smokestacks.

"You're leading me off to my death, aren't you?"

"Not telling."

"Is this about that comment last week?"

"Maaaaaaaaaaybe."

"Look, I said the dress made you look fat; I didn't say you looked fat."

Your grandmother has this plate.

"So many useless old things, left to the ravages of time."

"Such a shame, this castle."

"What? Sorry, I was just thinking about 'Boston Legal.'"

He's got that classically dubious look of a boyfriend being told "Come see something wonderful!"

"Wait for the pan to finish."

Benny Goodman!

Careful, she can move in any direction.

"I thought she was just being a bitch."

"I'm sure no one will notice I've gone."

"NOT YOU, DINGBAT!"

The "Duke of Bedroom Your"?

A secret, passionate, romantic meeting.

"You get a biscuit."

Percocet?

"Excellent! I'll instruct my men to begins slaughtering Jews immediately."

Plan A: Just shooting them.

Were there many Jawas left in England by the late 13th Century?

"Though I do enjoy a good rogering."

"Tambourine?"

"Quietly."

BSG is done. Get over it.

"It's pointy!"

"Especially from three feet away."

"You mean my love glove?"

*cough* "What up, niggas? Me and my homies jus' chilling. What up wid j'all?"

Doesn't it take a minimum of two fingers to draw an arrow?

"Jesus, Todd! Discretion? Ever heard of it?"

The French are surrendering in fine form today.

"As you can tell by our accents!"

"We go freebooter here, if you know what I mean."

Candy?

Little John: The pilfering perv

Winged = Probably Killed

Asshole dogs?

"I had to sharpen my beard."

"Arrow through the gall bladder" being a rather difficult phrase to rhyme, I can understand why this particular incident never made it into the ballads.

Where the Redfern Goes

Are you disgraced?

"...shaving..."

*wets his lips*

"Meanwhile I urge you not to use the sense that god gave geese..."

"Indeed, he'll probably develop peritonitis, go into hypovolemic shock and die painfully within days."

Robin Hood's "merry" men

"Is there a good mechanic you can recommend?"

"More of a hostel, actually..."

"Don't worry -- the CCTV evidence is damning."

Speedy Justice Delivery!

"Too bad our horse budget's run out."

"Hey, quit getting off on this back there!"

Later, at the Prancing Louse Inn...

Oh, I see -- one of those "blue" boar inns.

"Wif! Ich am hoom!"

"And we take cheap comedy where we can find it."

But we haven't seen her bootie yet.

"What's this all about, Will?"

"Shhh! Shh."

In the days of theatre, being a pornstar was a very tiring business.

"Just until he dies of urinoma."

Cash, ass or grass.

.oO(What is that smell? Is someone roasting sheep testicles?)

.oO(They are! Magnifique!)

"They've nearly finished drowning."

"Oh!" *begins to strip*

Oysters? Ew.

"Nearly as desolate as your womb."

This is one of those inns that charges in 15 minute increments, isn't it?

"Hopefully before the fever takes you."

*picks up a pair of coconuts*

^            ^
|            |
(Speaking of which)

Mock turtleneck dresses never really caught on.

"My mother sent me to Waldorf school, I'll have you know!"

Why do they have mouse cursors on their chests?

"Was it Medusa?"

Oh it's on now.

That goes without saying.

"Anyway, I guess I'll just have a house salad."

Like a prolapse?

*begins to absently fondle candlestick*

"That's on the M1, right?"

The "Castle of the Roach"?

"Sheriff wants some alone time."

Did he just attempt a French accent? I can see why the director would have made him Costner it.

Yup. Rid-X time again.

"Forsooth! Welcome ye to Deserted Castle Burger. Be sure to ask for our Deserted Desserts menu."

XXIX. NO Freeman shall be taken or imprisoned, or be disseised of his Free

XXIX. NO Freeman shall be taken or imprisoned, or be disseised of his Freel

XXIX. NO Freeman shall be taken or imprisoned, or be disseised of his Freeh

XXIX. NO Freeman shall be taken or imprisoned, or be disseised of his Freeho

XXIX. NO Freeman shall be taken or imprisoned, or be disseised of his Freehol

XXIX. NO Freeman shall be taken or imprisoned, or be disseised of his Freehold

Robin Hood and His Useless Underlings

"Intern!"

"I founded the Ozark Mountain Daredevils!"

That must be one rusty 2x4.

Why the chem gloves?

"Sorry! The place is a mess. My brother crashed with us this week. Want to sit out at the gazebo?"

"Gesundheit!"

*rimshot

Midevil times: When everyone was blitzed and dehydrated 24/7, but it was better than drinking the water with the dead goat in it.

"Who's the rankest?"

*sluuuuuuuuuurp!*

"This is out of a box, isn't it?"

Ha ha! Oh the world was cheated the majesty of John Belushi playing Friar Tuck.

None for this kicky little woodwind ensemble??

"Sorry about all the panties..."

.oO(I still suspect nothing.)

"You idiot! That will abscess and lead to amputation!"

(Comedy)

Goes back to chopping trees, carrying lumber back to the keep, chopping trees, carrying lumber back to the keep, getting attacked by orcs, chopping trees...

Boltoned!

...are met here in secret with you.

[Improvise joke]

Minister plenipotentiary to Prince John...

Try Cantonese.

Has the back been redacted?

*floor collapses beneath one*

"A chunnel!"

You should have seen the mighty army he put in the field after taco night. Whew!

"A bear, two canoes..."

(I shouldn't have rounded off. I made it sound less plausible.)Oo.

"...with monkey power."

"...and we should race for a Covert Ops so we can build Ghosts."

Must be a footballer.

"Yes..."

*massive coronary*

(Crap, we didn't think of that.)Oo.

Duh.

"...the Eurosphere."

"The beach of course."

"Dover is so last year..."

You know,

There once was a young lady from Dover...

A whore of French interlopers?

Where can I get a whore of French interlopers?

"That old chestnut?"

Can... can we be allowed in on this joke? It sounds good.

Student Council sucks.

(Wit)

"A hippo?"

"Is that anatomically possible, even for Anna Pavlova?"

"But a life-sized butter statue?"

Tune in next week for more wacky antics with "The Molestaches."

*Clang!*
*Clang!*
*Clank!*
*Clank!*
*Clang!*
*Clang!*
*Clang!*

This week on "This Old Castle," freeman Thomas looks in on a dilapidated keep once owned by Prince Tyne the Finger Flayer.

"Mr Leach!"

"I mean I'll mince them, like meat. I realize that mincemeat hasn't been invented yet."

"That ought to satisfy the history buffs. Thanks Todd."

"BOTH OF YOU!"

Vague action sprints across the screen!

"Even the one about the badgers?"

"'Trial by a jury of his peers'? You idiots!"

Frenchman just don't understand how nice a foggy fortnight can be.

.oO(How... do I...?)

"Is that your hand?"

"I didn't say stop."

"God this makes my old loins steam..."

"But we only have three men, sir."

"I'll let the other two know."

Robin Albus Percival Wulfric Brian of Loxl

England: Where Dick is King

"Hey! Those placemats aren't free, you know."

"We've got him covered from three sides. Er, two sides just now."

"It really ties the neoclassical flourishes together."

In public?

Are they?

Backtrack?

"Mom! Stay out of this."

"I know that now because... um... because..."

French fries, Inspector Clouseau movies...

"Still, better than your friend who's gone gangrenous..."

"And into my drafty old castle."

Don't talk about the dauphins like that!

O.O

**

Rarely have I taken so little delight in a meal at the Diplomatic. From poor service to a drafty dining experience...

"Your permanent departure."

What happens when one of them needs to take a family/sick day?

"Do you want to get me written up?!"

"Call me Omar, your grace."

"Have you read this Geoffrey of Monmouth cat? Bitch must be tripping on something heavy. Merlin? Modredus? I mean, diz-am!"

"And I'm not even going to touch the one about the sheep entrails and the enema bag."

"Lets get a brewski."

Sloppy editorializing?

"Chatty old crone."

"BIG time."

.oO(Busted)

"Sir Elton John."

This is a desperate cry for help.

DJ Robin and the Hoods

"Look, I'm sorry I assasinated his third mistress. Will you just let it go?"

"That boy has fast hands."

Except childbirth, "frienemies," monthly vaginal bleeding, and the ever-present specter of rape.

"What did she say?"

"She said you're an asshole."

.oO(Thaaaat's it. Pussy whip him good.)

"R-Robin, actually..."

( ♫ Want to beeee the giiiiirl with the most cake...)Oo.

"Ow. Heels. Heels!"

The Greatest Show on Earth!

"Better get back to the torture chamber."

Boys Beware II: The Nonce Zero Chance

Good thing Bernadette didn't specify ellipses in her contract.

♫ Tolerated by the indifferent! ♫

Break it down!

Can you hire this theme song guy by the hour, when you're just out doing stuff?

They handled Ashley Hutchings?

...if often badly ♫

♫ With his box of men / ♫

*record scratching*

*beatboxing*

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Trapdoor Minisode 01

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Bognor?

"Hi Pete."
"Hi Dave."

With Special Gust Star Yorick as Boney

"Whatever you are."

the side next to the open window it seems

"I stood on some lego!"

.oO Wait, who am I talking to?

"You heard the theme song."

"Meh, I'll open it anyway."

"My stomachs full of them."

"Now to run away like the coward that I am."

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"
"Not you mate!"

Burk: Master of terrible puns

"I regret nothing."

I don't think we'll be seeing any tentacle rape in a plastacine series

terrifying monsters can be very patient

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Hilary Duff - Seventeen Cover Cam

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Where's the rest of your nose?

All pop idols must be thoroughly wind tunnel tested.

Cameltoe Monthly, on newsstands now.

Which character from "Full House" is she supposed to be?

"That's me in there, but little!"

Remember this song when it sucked the first time?

Crap... Crap...

Girl in midground: "Is there a way we make the slutty jumberjack thing work a little harder?"

Come on, you've done it with people in your "genre of work" so many times...

"I'm still in there!"

Reconcile the madonna and whore archetypes?

Very famine?

"Bargain shelf porn."

And now the American-born Korean girl look.

Good idea. There's always work for a washed-up candy girl ten years past her prime who'd binge-exercised coke dimples into her face by 21.

"Education..."

"Not saying 'like' every third word..."

"Pile-ons..."

"Gwar."

"This career will self-destruct in five seconds..."

This is not a hip hop song.

Posing with the black monolith.

Do they have much use for the Nanook of the North backdrop?

"Now do Janet Jackson in the 'Scream' video!"

"Ha ha ha! You're touching my body! Usually only Disney execs get to do that."

And always remember: Future punchlines don't die, they just...

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Sex Education For Girls, part 1

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This is the strangest dinner menu I've ever seen!

Miss, can I substitute Multichrome Lab in place of french fries, please?

"Condiments?" I'll be damned, it *IS* a menu!

"Would sir like to take a look at our wine credits?"

"I could see her NEENER and everything!"

"She'll be needing to strap 'em down with Ace bandages soon if you know what I mean."

ANY SCHOOL U.S.A.!

"You're not Traci Lords, Molly. You need to ease into that stuff gradually."

"Get in the stirrups, Molly."

"Breath like a zombie, though."

.oO I'll return the double-headed dildo to her myself later on......

(writing) "Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much...."

"I love Molly and her family. And tonight, when you hit your knees, please ask God to love them too."

ANY AMITYVILLE HORROR HOUSE U.S.A.!

"You see, Jeannie's room is where all the porn is...."

So Molly thought that the "Miss Gulch all whored up" look was popular?

*stuffs down her bra*

"Maybe tonight after 'According to J--WTF DID YOU JUST SAY?!??"

"Those are Metric months though, Molly."

"Yes mother. I came home from school."

"Chicken-butt."

"Hold on a second." (lays copious amounts of paper towels on Molly's chair) "Okay, NOW sit down."

"...and at first I thought i was in a Dario Argento movie, then I remembered I haven't been in one since last month, so...."

.oO The girl has begun the bleeding. It's time to offer her to The Dark One.

"Think of it like Sweeps Week for your neener."

"Plus it'll give you a perfect Posture P#ssy."

"Why yes dear, that'll be a PERFECT way to celebrate your period!"

"Plus the elves in your stomach could go into hyperthermic shock."

"... yup, Mark of the Thorn. Michael Myers should be showing up any second now."

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Boys Beware

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"Eh, Sid, when's the movie gonna be done, huh?"

Girls have cooties!

Special thanks to Jack Chick, Jerry Falwell, and the Westboro Baptist Church.

Well, this sounds like a nice cheerful cautionary tale!

Look, they have shooters over there!

I don't really have a jurisdiction; I'm something of a freelancer.

Oooh, THE Talk...

What, waiting to get run over?

Especially if you're an axe murderer.

Like Transformers.

"I've had too much exercise today, I'd rather wind up molested and dead."

It's the NAMBLA Express, right on schedule!

"Jimmy, do you like movies about gladiators?"

"Would you consider yourself a pitcher or a catcher, Jimmy?"

Always be suspicious of friendly, charming people.

Well, no wonder--he hitched a ride from John Waters!

Regular routes to and from places are also suspicious.

"Jimmy, who was that?" "Oh, just a nice man who gave me a ride and asked me to find candy in his pants." "Oh, that's nice, dear, now wash up for dinner..."

"That's strange, ever since that guy gave me a ride home I have the desire to go into hairdressing or interior design..."

In his European car.

Fops? Do you get a lace handkerchief with each order?

And a footlong hotdog.

"There once was a man from Nantucket..."

I don't think you're going to catch many fish in Central Park...

Jimmy said Ralph was a stupid name.

"I need to replace the shellac in my hair."

Phonographic pictures? What, does he get turned on by vinyl records?

"Wow, I didn't think that was anatomically possible."

He was a Communist.

Swine flu! RUN!!!!

Homosexuals always wear hospital scrubs when they go hunting.

Like this Putt-Putt off I-25.

But this was in Nevada, so that part's legal.

"Mom, Dad, I'm going away for the weekend and I'm not telling you where or who with." "Okay, have fun!"

"Oh no, I touched him, now I've got The Gay!"

Some score ESTJ on the Myers-Briggs.

Others just hang around on park benches all day like bums.

"Good thing Negros aren't allowed to play, otherwise we'd never get on a team!"

"You go on ahead, I've got a date with a missing persons report."

Besides, he could do that in the bathroom.

Do all sexual predators wear formal clothes to an abduction?

"I can drop you off on my way to conducting Verdi's Requium at the concert hall!"

Gay Men Can't Jump

"What was I thinking; I should have worn white tie for the abduction!"

A young Liberace at a turning point in his life.

IfyouknowwhatImean, heh heh heh...

Trust no one! Live in fear of your fellow man!

"Riding in the Shadow of Death," now showing at a driver's ed class near you.

And a package of Sixlets.

"Extree, extree, read all about it, Commie gays stalk clean-cut white boys! No hitch-hiker is safe!"

"Hey, did you see Lio this morning?"

"Hey, you kids wanna see my hamster do a neat trick?"

"Well, they looked pretty much like us..."

So this is basically "Darwin Awards: The Movie"...

"Let's see: BOYLV4EVR..."

Uwe Boll's "Paperboy: The Movie"

Me, I always wear stilettos when I'm gardening.

"Let's see, it's right...shoot, I tossed it on old man McKenzie's porch!"

A young Susan Boyle is concerned.

"My son was last seen driving off with a stranger...eh, it's probably nothing, but just to be safe..."

They pulled him over for driving while gay.

"Are you going to frisk me, officer? I think I deserve to be frisked..."

The Young Larry Craig Chronicles

Only homosexuals pee at the same time as young boys.

And that has made all the difference.

He's got a tympani in his shoes!

Stravinsky's "Rite of Pedophilia"

"Wait, kid, you dropped your locker key, I was just--oh, never mind."

Talking, laughing together, wrestling, getting hot and sweaty...

Or he was just being paranoid.

If you get molested and catch The Gay, it's your own damn fault.

If they're a parent or relative, anything goes!

Report any suspicious activity to the HUAC.

Then it's okay.

So, to review: hitch-hicking--okay, indifferent parenting--acceptable, homosexuality--OMGEVULPEDOS. Thank you.

Capped by TheDiva
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Mormon Messages: How Can I Find Happiness?

And0988vdC4

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"The biggest consumer, Utah, averaged 5.47 adult content subscriptions per 1000 home broadband users..."
-ABC News

Then you're probably in Salt Lake City.

What do you think, chunky Beverly Hills Cop-era Paul Reiser?

You wonder if the lake-effect rain will ever lose input under an occluded front.

A neck brace?

"Thank you. Good night."

"...bigamy..."

"...xenophobia..."

"...filicide..."

So we live in Utah, to avoid that temptation.

"My picture!"

"Dad, you're squishing my picture too!"

"I f**** hate you two!"

Our degrading, precious bodily fluids.

Paul Reiser again?

First down. 12:21 on the clock. Romans have possession.

"Or cutting remarks."

"Suck iiiiiit..."

Messianic Apathetic

DC Comics Jesus #1 (August 1936)

"Are you gonna start the auction or not?"

No matter how many times "Scrubs" is on cable at any given second...

Please Pablo... Come to Florida...

(He's omnipotent, but touchy.)

"I don't really like thrillers so much..."

?

Wasn't that a "But..." ?

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Watchmen 3rd Trailer & BONUS content. Watch in HD

qXRdlOvLNeo

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DOOR!

GUY!

WEEEEEEEEE!!!

Ow!

Oh great, now you've ruined my favourite badge!

And broken my favourite window

Two more to go...

His heart stopped beating?

Some people really hate cosplayers

Attack of the 50ft guy from the Blue Man Group

yeah well pretty much everyone thought that in the 80s

Not that we could do anything in the first place

Hey my window!

I mean just last week someone punched the Comedian in the face, I had a black eye for three days

make a movie?

Squid of no squid

I'M MELLLLLLLTTTTIIIINNNNNNGGGG

I AM YOUR GOD

bloody CCTV Cameras

ow my ribs!

the fans?

I'll give you cake if you do it

judging by the sound of that thud he most be pretty heavy

THIS! IS! WATCHMEN!!

Okay, bad idea

except among those people who think all comics are for kids, or 'fools' as I call them

"I'm Batman."

.oO I'm a gonner

the average Watchmen fan after finding out they'd removed the squid

"...only if you pay me."

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Coming Soon Trailer - The Trial of a Timelord

HIZdxl0Cn7s

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Hell no, I hate holidays!

Wales?

Oh

Like Disney Land?

What's fun, I've never heard that word before!

Yes it would

no we meant the dog...YES YOU!

I've no idea what you said but I would enjoy it!

I take care of the place while the master is away

Yes, keep telling yourself that.

and I don't mean small green and annoying

You bastards!

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