Thursday, July 9, 2009

Hilary Duff - Seventeen Cover Cam

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Where's the rest of your nose?
All pop idols must be thoroughly wind tunnel tested.
Cameltoe Monthly, on newsstands now.
Which character from "Full House" is she supposed to be?
"That's me in there, but little!"
Remember this song when it sucked the first time?
Crap... Crap...
Girl in midground: "Is there a way we make the slutty jumberjack thing work a little harder?"
Come on, you've done it with people in your "genre of work" so many times...
"I'm still in there!"
Reconcile the madonna and whore archetypes?
Very famine?
"Bargain shelf porn."
And now the American-born Korean girl look.
Good idea. There's always work for a washed-up candy girl ten years past her prime who'd binge-exercised coke dimples into her face by 21.
"Education..."
"Not saying 'like' every third word..."
"Pile-ons..."
"Gwar."
"This career will self-destruct in five seconds..."
This is not a hip hop song.
Posing with the black monolith.
Do they have much use for the Nanook of the North backdrop?
"Now do Janet Jackson in the 'Scream' video!"
"Ha ha ha! You're touching my body! Usually only Disney execs get to do that."
And always remember: Future punchlines don't die, they just...




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