Thursday, February 24, 2011

The King and I, Part 4

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"Sorry ma'am, we only understand pidgin English..."
What are they, the Synchronized Reaction Squad?
"I'm just going to take the entire royal family on an outing with no guards without his permission. He couldn't possibly object to that!"
That sounds like an awkward song cue to me...
Told you.
"Watch out where the Huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow."
"Um, ma'am, I can't...you're not supposed to...the King said...ah, the Hell with it."
"--Fan dancing!"
"Now this, children, is what's known as a slum..."
"It's the royal family! Everybody look busy!"
"They must be the King's kids, they haven't got shit all over them."
Oh really, isn't tainting the memory of one classic film enough?
"Cool, there's pirates in there! And they're cutting a guy's ear off!"
Hey, a Petch and Jaidee show!
Ah, the drugs just kicked in.
Because no matter where you go in Asia, it's always Chinese New Year!
"Missus Anna, what is a 'full body massage'?"
"Can we get one?"
"Good thing I wore my hand tape today."
"Ha ha ha, good one!...No seriously, I'm going to have you beheaded now."
Who invited Dorky Buddha on this trip, anyway? I don't recall seeing a permission slip...
"Here you go, fugu for everyone!"
o/...Murder, murder, in the night air! Murder, murder, it's a right scare!...o/
Princess Apsara is severely myopic...
They're like Tom and Jerry...except I want them both to die in a thermonuclear explosion.
"Small House of Uncle Thomas" will not be seen in this adaptation. In its place, we give you "The Big Lipped Alligator Moment Dream Ballet!"
I didn't know they had rhythm gymnastics back then.
Look out, those W's are sharp!
Attack of the Crepe Paper, a SyFy Original Movie!
"Everybody wave to the oppressed masses!"
Do they just not see him, or are they just doing the smart thing and ignoring his presence entirely?
Meanwhile the King's got the entire guard looking for them, he's put a death warrant out on Missus Anna...
"Don't worry, children, the middle of a field full of water is the safest place to be in a thunderstorm..."
"But it's my only toy..."
"Who cares, gimme!"
"So long! Hope that destitution thing works out for you!"
"Gee, thanks. By the way, I got the blame for your little excursion and am being executed tomorrow. Just FYI."
Just push them open! They're just muslin flats...
Where's a bowl of poisoned dates when you need one?
Well, no wonder they need Anna's help, they're still trying to figure out this fire thing...
Baghera's less successful cousin.
"You were supposed to clean my litterbox three days ago!"
"Now go away, I'm fiddling with the Chekhov's Gun here..."
Ewww, it's turning into a slashfic!
"I mean I want to lick your gorgeously sculpted pecs! Oh, that came out wrong..."
"--to a meido cafe!"
"And how did my amulet suddenly get here, anyway?"
Oh come on, if you're going to be that obviously evil at least do us the favor of growing a mustache to twirl...
Next she's going to make play-suits for them from the curtains in her room...
"Who-where-when?"
"See, hairy palms! Didn't I warn you?"
So what, there's no mustard inside the palace walls?
"The last thing the royal family needs to know about are its subjects!"
"And there are open sewers and malnutrition and forced prostitution too! It's really neat!"
So he promised her a tool shed. Big deal.
Like that makes him any worse than most democratically elected leaders.
"I'm the lower class woman you hired to live in your home and take care of your children...wait, I guess that does make me your servant. My bad."
"You will obey my pectorals!"
"This is awesome! Somebody grab some popcorn!"
"Which is why I'm going back home, to one of the oldest monarchies in existence!"
"--Because I've completely forgotten my line!"
"Do you mind, Evil Dude? I'm trying to fume right now..."
"Did I mention he's barbaric? Because he is. Barbaric, you know. There's just no other word for it. Barbaric, barbaric, barbaric."
Jesus, this woman quits more often than Brett Farve!
"And I'll wager there's at least eight inches of king down there..."
"Oh, I'm sure I could take it no matter how large it is, Your Majesty..."
"That's not what I heard, sunshine."
"I THOUGHT I made myself clear in the throne room!"
"Thank you sir, may I have another?"
Well, no wonder she's mad. He's making her stay in the palace lobby!
"Though I would be open to experimenting on those lines..."
"What am I saying? I'm a Victorian woman, I'm about as free and independent as a lap dog..."
No, no, it's a red hat with a purple dress; they'll never let you into the society with that outfit...
"You hear that, light wrap?"
Hey, that's no way to treat your clothes!
"Like the fact that you never wear a shirt..."
Well, if your clothes can fold themselves it's no wonder you just toss them anywhere...
So...she wants to flash the King? I don't get it!
Yeah, if there's one thing the British hate, it's royalty.
That's because the cat would give you that "bitch, please" look they do and go back to licking its genitalia.
Why, are you planning a production of The Wind in the Willows?
That's not easy to do in petticoats. Try it sometime!
Maybe she's trying to get a Section 8 out of her job...
Rodgers and Hammerstein's Secretary
You know, she could do this sort of thing on the Internet and make a bundle...
"Do you have a cigarette?"
"Are you aware the schoolteacher is indulging in bizarre humiliation fantasies in the front lobby?"
Do the men in this family have a genetic predisposition against shirts?
"Sorry, I meant, 'what-what-what?'"
"--prevent your son from dressing in feathered gowns and taking the name of Lady Coco Carriba?"
"Um, okay. But the other thirty-eight wives I can choose myself, right?"
"Of course! I'm a liberal man."
"Father, can we please speak Siamese when we're alone instead of this broken English?"
"I know you're not too old for a spanking, now git!"


Capped by TheDiva
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Friday, February 18, 2011

The King and I, Part 3

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You can tell they're meant to be; they look so awkward together...
.oO(Please Buddha let her stop singing...)
Hey, some things to throw at the producers!
Ewww, I need an adult!
Yeah, yeah, Dorky Buddha tries to hurt the kid but in backfires, he knocks more of his teeth out, blah blah blah, can't we just skip this part and say we did it?
*neck snaps*
Language!
Well, normally they wouldn't keep them loaded and unused for long periods of...oh, who cares, as long as you shoot the Ethnic Scrappy.
Um, you have a Scrabble tile stuck on your lip...
Oh, it's a copy of this movie.
What's the Siamese equivalent of the "wah-wah-waaaaah" trombone?
Suddenly I long for the quiet dignity of Adam Sandler.
"Get out of this movie now while you still can!"
Not the most well-known or beloved Sesame Street segment, to be sure...
"Well, there was that one time in Whitechapel..."
I KNEW he was evil!
The movie's just flailing at this point.
I don't suppose there's any chance all three of these characters will die in firey explosion, is there?
I C WHUT U DID THAR
Finally, they gave the slapstick act the gong!
"Good, now fetch my slippers."
"Don't fuckin' push it."
He's holding court in the Rockefeller Center lobby!
"Right next to my throw pillow!"
"It's not like I'm going to be won over by your unspeakably adorable brood..."
"Cue the soundtrack!"
*bites hand off*
.oO(Laughing? He's never done THAT before!)
"Observe my head pincushion!"
Do the Siamese just not turn around, ever?
.oO(The bastard just flipped me off!)
No. I'm not saying it. Too obvious.
Okay, time out--this movie has too many cute animal companions. You have to get rid of the monkey, the elephant, or Dorky Buddha.
A nervous cat and bare arms. Bad combination.
Let's see, King Mongkut had 82 children, so this scene will be over in, oh, another ten years or so...
I CAN HAZ BETTUR MOOVEE?
What? Chew-a-longhorn?
Dude, just walk! This number is long enough as it is.
"Ow, my knees!"
.oO(Oh, I can think of things I'd like to teach him...)
Mary Kay Letourneau and the King of Siam
"Big deal, he can't even wear a shirt properly..."
A young Oscar Wilde at a formative moment in his life.
"Lick my shoes!"
"Sorry, but Dad said if I appeared starved for attention and love it you would empathize with me..."
"Is this going to take much longer? I was going to hit the go-go bars tonight..."
Does anyone know what gender these kids are? Anyone?
"But Daddy...."
"You know the rules! I get first dibsies!"
Now is not the time for Heads-Up Seven-Up!
Ooh, excellent delivery, the sweepers should have no trouble getting her into a good position for the hammer...
"Too much cute...brain shutting down..."
"Well, you're all very sweet, but your dad's still a bald bastard. G'bye now!"


THE END
"You're lucky the inbreeding doesn't show..."
"You will all receive cookies, as promised."
"Sweet, fresh blood! Get the initiation paddle!"
"The king has so many, he won't mind if I eat a little one..."
"Ew, she got snot on my skirt!"
"Address it to my wife. Say I won't be coming home..."
"Of course I can't, I'm the goofy comic minion!"
He must have had that concealed in his back fat.
"Do you have Prince Albert in a can?"
Oh, don't you two start!
Okay, stop me if you've heard this one: why is an elephant like a writing desk?
Ah, so his secret ambition is to go into the piano industry!
"Little bastard can't even fly."
Whoa, sudden onset laryngitis!
What, were there no puppies for these guys to drown? Fresh out of kitten stew?
Nope, not convinced. Maybe you should have him drop kick a baby, that might make him look evil enough...
"And don't eat the envelope this time!"
"I'm going to tap dance!"
"RICKYYYYYYYY!!"
o/...Here's the only British song we knooow...o/
"So, did I tell you all about being a modern major-general yet?"
"I say, but we are very British, aren't we? Cherioo, pip-pip, and wot!"
"Don't ask me how it was delivered to a boat out on the ocean..."
No really, movie, I don't mind if you take your time with the plot. You just go right on ahead with your random comic bit.
These guys helped establish a globe-spanning empire?
"Dear Sir Edward, your hair looks ridiculous..."
"I want a rentboy and I want one now!"
"Well, it's a military ship under orders from Queen Victoria herself, but I'm sure she won't mind us starting a little bitty war without her go-ahead..."
Hey, and FTD Pick-Me-Up!
"So dish--is Prince Chunky-Monkey a good kisser?"
"It's not a ground-breaking denouncement of the evils of slavery penned by a woman, but it'll do..."
"I'm free to ignore local laws and customs any time I like!"
o/...Bangkok bridge is falling down...o/
"Ow, my appendix just ruptured!"
"We're going to visit the box factory!"
Ooooh, geography envy.
"Of course, we do control huge chunks of land on this and several other continents, so yeah, we pretty much pwn your asses."
"Sit down, Chewy Louie, before I smack you with a ruler. Unless, you know, you're into that sort of thing..."
Dude, the king was a Buddhist monk; wouldn't he know keeping his kids in the dark like this would backfire in the long run?


Capped by TheDiva
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Sunday, February 13, 2011

The BFG (3/10)

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"Well I've never actually tried bones so I just assumed."
"BLOODBOTTLER SMASH!"
"Great, now I've got to get new shelves."
"But I'll be having nightmares about that for the rest of my life."
"Makes no sense either way though."
umm...should we be seeing this?
You were all set to tell her a moment ago
"Well course I was blowing it, that's what trumpets are for."
"Then what have I just bathed in?"
yes but in an infinite universe there is no up for them to go down from
"Simple, it's against the law of gravity."
For a giant burping is like saying "I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle" to a Vl'hurg
"It's also a sign that you're secretly a Slitheen in disguise."
And now for your viewing pleasure...a musical number about farts!
Remember kids, never light your whizzpoppers
"After the first taste comes the addiction."
"I can't fart on command."
Wait...wasn't Sophie standing there a second ago?
"Do you have any idea what that thing is?"
"Not a clue."
Normally I don't approve of fart jokes...but this song is really catchy!
NASA are currently working on plans for a farting space rocket that uses Frobscottle for fuel
"Drat, he crashed into my dream collection!"
"I really want to give the song an encore."
"Hey listen, hey look."
Disneyworld?
So yes, Disneyworld.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

The BFG (2/10)

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"They like to annoy the humans by eating all their beans."
Bonecruncher has never tried actually Turkish Delight, he just assumed that it's what Turks taste like.
Which really is far more obvious than coffee
(rimshot)
"I've never heard of the place!"
Is it...
A: Fish and chips
B: Shepeard's Pie
or C: Marmite
"I'm on a diet."
"What does that stand for?"
"It was the middle of the night when you nabbed me so really it should be breakfast."
also known as 'Dennis the Menace Fruit'
Oh good a funny animal sidekick, I always fought the book could've done with one
"And yes I have tasted those."
I reckon they started eating human's because they had to eat Snozzcumbers
"Can't I eat the weird animal thing instead?"
"But it's still better than what they were feeding us in that orphanage?"
The B.F.G. finds horrible food hilarious for some reason
"Except when I'm playing Derek Trotter."
"What was my line again?"
"At least I think there are, never saw one, but then it is dark down there."
"And I live with giants who eat children."
I guess the B.F.G. is unaware of the concept of 'not being believed'
"In a place where 82% of the population want to eat you."
"Now, who wants to act out the opening song from Thumbelina?"
You kidnapped her because you thought she'd blab about seeing a giant and NOW you're asking her if she can keep something secret?
"Do you have to do that every time you make an entrance?"
"Yes."
"Don't you remember why we started eating humans?"
"Well f***."
That's not how you do a proper facepalm
THE END

Friday, February 11, 2011

The King and I, Part 2

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The Official Asian Stereotype Parade, ladies and gentlemen!
Another victim of the subprime loan market.
"And be honest--do you think I'm coming off a bit creepy?"
"I have no intention of being pampered in royal luxury when I can go home to a nice dingy flat above a fish shop!"
So, will she tell the king this?
"I'm still waiting for the moving truck to come with my furniture, okay?"
Why are the guards wearing adult diapers?
"The fruit basket that guy's wearing on his head."
"Where do they think we are, America?"
Carmen Miranda's less successful brother, Larry.
"Go on, tell him about the ping pong ball trick..."
"Sweet! Have her read King Bidgood's in the Bathtub!"
He's not a Sunni Muslim, more of a Still-Life Muslim...
"Thanks, that's just what I wanted, my own young, nubile florist. Fuckin' Bowdlerized script..."
Can we have ONE scene without the monkey or Dorky Buddha doing something stupid, please?
Lunch at the palace cafeteria will be fruit cocktail and monkey's brains...
He's your pet, you discipline him! Come on kid, I want to see you spank your monkey!
Me too. That monkey line came out wrong.
Oh, you got that out of a fortune cookie!
"Why don't I have a cute animal companion? My kid gets a monkey, you get a panther...even oily Mohawk guy gets an iguana!"
"You will show me all about these things you English call Monty Python and the Beatles!"
It's a little known fact that Rodgers and Hammerstein started the steampunk craze.
"Oh wait, this is a waffle iron, never mind."
"I also have this great Zutara fanfic you should read..."
"Are there any other long royal things you can show me?"
"Now I will show you how engine of steam will help Marty get back to future..."
"You mean, you DON'T use your explosives to kill people? What kind of backwater is this?"
Oh, quit bragging. You filched all this stuff from Archimedes' storehouse and you know it.
Stop that monkey! He's going to break the third act plot device!
This can happen with trisomy-21, I understand.
"Good, now that the stupid comic relief characters are out of the way..."
Damn, even Siam is ahead of the Texas Board of Education.
"In about a hundred and fifteen years, that is."
"1712, wait, so that makes this, ummm, carry the one..."
"Look, my son is...well, let's just say I don't have high hopes for grandkids..."
PLEASE tell me I just imagined the king giving a low-five to his panther...
Who are you, Alex Trebek?
"I have the closing papers right here..."
"Lines of coke and rubbing off to tranny porn, why?"
"It's what we Westerners call a 'catch phrase'."
"Look, we're having some troubles with the inspection..."
"Please, be careful with my Precious Moments figurines!"
"Well, you sound British, so I'm sure I can trust you..."
"Just in time for your next tedious comic scene!"
"Look, just go do a slapstick scene with the kid and the monkey, okay?"
To every Asian everywhere, we apologize for this.
The CGI Gardens of Thailand!
Uh-oh, sounds like the characters are already starting to crack from the stress of being in this movie.
"You want flowers? I'll arrange you some stinkin' flowers...here's some foxglove, and some nightshade, and poison oak..."
o/...When will my reflection show who I am insiiiiiiiide?....o/
"I've been here for the past three hours. Actually, I thought you'd have noticed me before now..."
"And even though this is the 19th century and hunting big game is commonplace, I know it's wrong!"
"Gee, thanks. I'll call you Fredomina, how do you like that?"
Bruce Lee: The Animated Series!
Is this kickboxing or a Cirque du Soleil routine?
"Ha, psyche!" *elbow drops him*
"That's not a good place for your trunk..."
"So, I guess this means you can do that thing with your tongue...?"
"They won't allow me at the family picnic next year!"
"Thanks, that narrows it down to the entire damn country..."
"Great, now we can put on our own production of Gone With the Wind!"
"I think I'm Lady Thiang, but they pretty much did away with my character's entire part in the story so it's hard to tell..."
"And I'm a little obsessive-compulsive, so I get nervous when people rearrange my things..."
"They want to, how you say, munch your rug..."
Victorian upskirt!
"I was going to burn that..."
"I'm not sure, I spent the whole time thinking of England like they told us to..."
They live in an Asian Hobbit hole.
o/...Traditioooo--oh wait, wrong musical.
"Yeah right, let me hear you say that when your king abdicates to marry an American divorcee..."
This isn't really the right song for kung fu fighting; they need something more in the Johnathan Larson mold...
Wow, it didn't take tradition-lady long to be won over...
Two three, KICK!
"Yeah, I am pretty macho, aren't I?"
"No, your wedding tackle!"
"A mummy!...Oh wait, that's your hand."
"Are you going to be at this long? Dinner's almost ready..."
"Wait, where am I? I'M GONNA DIIIIIIIE!!!"
I see some stupid, stupid rulers in Siam's future as a result of these two.
"No really, we have to go down now, the curry just doesn't taste the same when it's cold..."
Can do.
Her husband is Bruce Ismay!
They have so much in common. A complete lack of nipples, for example.
*beep, beep, beep*
She looks like she should be ringing a Salvation Army bell.
The King and I now concludes its broadcast day.


Capped by TheDiva
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Friday, February 4, 2011

The King and I, Part 1

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Serrano's Piss Hollywood
When I was a kid, I was always disappointed when the Warner Brothers' logo wasn't immediately followed by a Bugs Bunny cartoon. I have a feeling this movie is going to cause the same reaction.
Meanwhile, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves is starting!
Huh, I didn't know Morgan Freeman had Native American blood...
Jet Li!
Dumbo II: The Revenge
...the sullying of all you hold dear!
Oh hey, it's a...
What? Oh, look, they're...
Hey, no fair taking the images down before I can caption them!
o/...Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gaaaaay!...o/
Rankin/Bass demanded their credit be shown for the shortest possible amount of time.
So, this movie is like watching feathers and bird shit? Works for me.
"WORSHIP THE BATCH!"
And once again, "adapted"="raped and left huddled crying in a back alley."
Who are they kidding? NOBODY will ever equal Grover's interpretation of the king!
THIS IS GOD! I COMMAND YOU TO STOP TAINTING THE RODGERS AND HAMMERSTEIN LEGACY!!
Walt Disney's Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
They're just not worried about the storm tearing up the sails and rigging, I guess.
Kid, if you're expecting Leonardo diCaprio to rescue you I've got bad news...
Stoopid Monkey.
Kid, this is exactly what Darwin was talking about...
Abu never gave Aladdin this kind of trouble.
"Whoops, better put these flammable books next to the unsecured lit candle being tossed violently about by the storm..."
"Come on, Moonshee! Hollywood law demands that we have a cute animal companion!"
"Look lady, I don't tell you how to take care of your kid, do I? Though Lord knows you could use some pointers..."
"I knew I should have gotten a parrot instead!"
"What do you think of my new flatscreen?"
"Anachronistic jokes?"
The Dorky Buddha.
This is how Christopher Hitchens believes all religious leaders act.
"EVERY kingdom needs an evil adviser!"
No matter where you go in the world, the bad guy always has an English accent.
He's just been bitter ever since he got beat out for the role of Jafar.
You know, you have to try really hard to create a character who's more of an offensive stereotype than the characters who were written in the 1950s.
Hey Mohawk dude, you mind switching your evil television over to the game for a sec? I just want to check the score.
Did he turn into an orc?
Richard Simmons isn't this flamboyant!
It's a mood iguana!
It's not even five minutes in and the teeth thing is already old.
Hey, Mutiny on the Bounty is on!
Is that magic or a migraine?
Your acting?
That was THIS close to being the vanity plate for the Rank Group.
Dammit, the screen's all fuzzy. Could you send Dorky Buddha up to adjust the dish?
Malificent!
Well, if she falls overboard her skirts can act as a flotation device.
Puff is back--and this time, it's PERSONAL!
I think I know where the kid gets his survival instincts from.
Yep, in a crisis, it's always fight or flight or...whistle.
Maybe by whistling she can blow out the flames...
"Look, we're sorry about the eel pie last night..."
She hasn't learned How Not to be Seen.
"Hey lady, would you mind whistling your way over to the damn harpoon gun?"
.oO(Singing? That bitch crazy!)
"That's nice, now do you know 'Nearer My God to Thee'?"
Just put your lips together and...pant, apparently.
Unfortunately the dragon's a Kander and Ebb fan.
*chomp*
Her relentless optimism is what's REALLY scaring them.
Whistle Twin Powers ACTIVATE!
Now I know why so many women in the 19th century wound up in asylums.
Wait, aren't snakes deaf?
Don Bluth's Oliver!
Ew, no standing akimbo, please.
"Okay boys, play along, then TOSS THEM OVERBOARD!"
o/...Heeeeey, Macarena!...o/
Dragons are allergic to group numbers.
Okay, so what are you going to do about the fact that the hold's been taking on water throughout your entire song?
"Oh Louis...you never were that bright."
Oh, like YOU'RE one to be mocking his acting.
Unfortunately, the whistling philosophy proved less effective when the powder magazine exploded...
"Not too much between despair and ecstasy, though."
"Louis, do you like plays about gladiators?"
"No ma'am, that's a boat."
"Dorky Buddha's just there for the comic relief, though."
"Um, sorry, sometimes I randomly belch speech balloons. I'm getting treatment for it, don't worry."
"Observe my knickers!"
"Really? Cause I read on Weather Underground there was a high chance of fire and lightning belching sea serpents in the area..."
"Or are you just here on a sex tour?"
If he were any oilier you could make French fries with him.
"I have the Herpes B to remember you by..."
"And you'll need a cute marketable creature where you're going!"
Walt Disney's Outbreak
Oh, that explains your act.
Could we get the subtitles back for this guy, plase?
The famous Cardboard Gates of Thailand!
Yay, we're going to Disneyland!
This is the IKEA Erotica equivalent of Scenery Porn.
Next on Cribs...
Oh please, don't give this guy any reprises...
Cool, a shadow play version of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!
Meanwhile in Silvermoon City...


Capped by TheDiva
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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

ALLERGY - A MAJOR BREAK-THROUGH IN CURING MOST HEALTH PROBLEMS!

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ARIAL: THE OFFICIAL FONT OF QUACKDOM

I don't trust any doctor who can't afford a shotgun mic.
"The pain of a two year old makes me feel nothing."
"...none."
REBOOT
"NEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEEEERVOUS system."
Not if you're choking.
"What? DON'T JUDGE ME!"
We don't?
ARE you a doctor?
I only ask because there appears to be a boating poster where your diploma should be.
New V8 Heroin!
Like Windows XP.
But a bitch ain't one.
There is an ELECTRICITY here!    
>                               
There is an ELECTRICITY here!    
>TA                             
There is an ELECTRICITY here!    
>TAKE                           
There is an ELECTRICITY here!    
>TAKE ELE                       
There is an ELECTRICITY here!    
>TAKE ELECTRI                   
There is an ELECTRICITY here!    
>TAKE ELECTRICITY               
There is an ELECTRICITY here!    
>TAKE ELECTRICITY               
SCROTAR needs ELECTRICITY badly! 
>                               
There is an ELECTRICITY here!    
>TAKE ELECTRICITY               
SCROTAR needs ELECTRICITY badly! 
>BU                             
There is an ELECTRICITY here!    
>TAKE ELECTRICITY               
SCROTAR needs ELECTRICITY badly! 
>BURN                           
There is an ELECTRICITY here!    
>TAKE ELECTRICITY               
SCROTAR needs ELECTRICITY badly! 
>BURN IT                        
Not Jodi BENSON!?!
But what about heroin?
Do you need a magazine? You look like you're full of sh*t.
I always get this guy at the express checkout.
"Add a rhinestone..."
Suppose away.
He calls it Health Scam?!?
"...except in your anus."
Enough for what?
Things.
Aside from your personality.
Not the Antikythera machine.
*Not a legal health claim.
*Not a legal health claim.
†Not a legal health claim.
*Not a legal health claim.
†Not a legal health claim.
**Not a legal health claim.
*Not a legal health claim.
†Not a legal health claim.
**Not a legal health claim.
‡†Not a legal health claim.
*Not a legal health claim.
†Not a legal health claim.
**Not a legal health claim.
‡†Not a legal health claim.
¥Not a legal health claim.
*Not a legal health claim.
†Not a legal health claim.
**Not a legal health claim.
‡†Not a legal health claim.
¥Not a legal health claim.
?‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.
*Not a legal health claim.
†Not a legal health claim.
**Not a legal health claim.
‡†Not a legal health claim.
¥Not a legal health claim.
?‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.
*%‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.
*Not a legal health claim.
†Not a legal health claim.
**Not a legal health claim.
‡†Not a legal health claim.
¥Not a legal health claim.
?‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.
*%‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.
$!#‡#%‡† Not a legal health claim!
*Not a legal health claim.
†Not a legal health claim.
**Not a legal health claim.
‡†Not a legal health claim.
¥Not a legal health claim.
?‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.
*%‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.
$!#‡#%‡† Not a legal health claim!
&?!*%‡#%$!#‡#%‡†!?! Not a legal ?‡#%$! health claim!
But the franchise goes downhill after Health Scan X-2.
o_O
-_-
/  \
o_O
/  \
>_<
/  \\
..o_O..
/^\\
..o_0..
He said, not making eye contact.
You must have travelled widely to be a quack.
Wouldn't they just buy a scheming little dink like you out and make trillions on the patent?
Quinannually?
What percent of that percentage was pulled out of your ass?
I notice you haven't electrocuted that thing off your face yet.
"Lick a 9v battery every day, and..."
MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!