Thursday, February 24, 2011

The King and I, Part 4

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"Sorry ma'am, we only understand pidgin English..."
What are they, the Synchronized Reaction Squad?
"I'm just going to take the entire royal family on an outing with no guards without his permission. He couldn't possibly object to that!"
That sounds like an awkward song cue to me...
Told you.
"Watch out where the Huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow."
"Um, ma'am, I can''re not supposed to...the King said...ah, the Hell with it."
"--Fan dancing!"
"Now this, children, is what's known as a slum..."
"It's the royal family! Everybody look busy!"
"They must be the King's kids, they haven't got shit all over them."
Oh really, isn't tainting the memory of one classic film enough?
"Cool, there's pirates in there! And they're cutting a guy's ear off!"
Hey, a Petch and Jaidee show!
Ah, the drugs just kicked in.
Because no matter where you go in Asia, it's always Chinese New Year!
"Missus Anna, what is a 'full body massage'?"
"Can we get one?"
"Good thing I wore my hand tape today."
"Ha ha ha, good one!...No seriously, I'm going to have you beheaded now."
Who invited Dorky Buddha on this trip, anyway? I don't recall seeing a permission slip...
"Here you go, fugu for everyone!"
o/...Murder, murder, in the night air! Murder, murder, it's a right scare!...o/
Princess Apsara is severely myopic...
They're like Tom and Jerry...except I want them both to die in a thermonuclear explosion.
"Small House of Uncle Thomas" will not be seen in this adaptation. In its place, we give you "The Big Lipped Alligator Moment Dream Ballet!"
I didn't know they had rhythm gymnastics back then.
Look out, those W's are sharp!
Attack of the Crepe Paper, a SyFy Original Movie!
"Everybody wave to the oppressed masses!"
Do they just not see him, or are they just doing the smart thing and ignoring his presence entirely?
Meanwhile the King's got the entire guard looking for them, he's put a death warrant out on Missus Anna...
"Don't worry, children, the middle of a field full of water is the safest place to be in a thunderstorm..."
"But it's my only toy..."
"Who cares, gimme!"
"So long! Hope that destitution thing works out for you!"
"Gee, thanks. By the way, I got the blame for your little excursion and am being executed tomorrow. Just FYI."
Just push them open! They're just muslin flats...
Where's a bowl of poisoned dates when you need one?
Well, no wonder they need Anna's help, they're still trying to figure out this fire thing...
Baghera's less successful cousin.
"You were supposed to clean my litterbox three days ago!"
"Now go away, I'm fiddling with the Chekhov's Gun here..."
Ewww, it's turning into a slashfic!
"I mean I want to lick your gorgeously sculpted pecs! Oh, that came out wrong..."
"--to a meido cafe!"
"And how did my amulet suddenly get here, anyway?"
Oh come on, if you're going to be that obviously evil at least do us the favor of growing a mustache to twirl...
Next she's going to make play-suits for them from the curtains in her room...
"See, hairy palms! Didn't I warn you?"
So what, there's no mustard inside the palace walls?
"The last thing the royal family needs to know about are its subjects!"
"And there are open sewers and malnutrition and forced prostitution too! It's really neat!"
So he promised her a tool shed. Big deal.
Like that makes him any worse than most democratically elected leaders.
"I'm the lower class woman you hired to live in your home and take care of your children...wait, I guess that does make me your servant. My bad."
"You will obey my pectorals!"
"This is awesome! Somebody grab some popcorn!"
"Which is why I'm going back home, to one of the oldest monarchies in existence!"
"--Because I've completely forgotten my line!"
"Do you mind, Evil Dude? I'm trying to fume right now..."
"Did I mention he's barbaric? Because he is. Barbaric, you know. There's just no other word for it. Barbaric, barbaric, barbaric."
Jesus, this woman quits more often than Brett Farve!
"And I'll wager there's at least eight inches of king down there..."
"Oh, I'm sure I could take it no matter how large it is, Your Majesty..."
"That's not what I heard, sunshine."
"I THOUGHT I made myself clear in the throne room!"
"Thank you sir, may I have another?"
Well, no wonder she's mad. He's making her stay in the palace lobby!
"Though I would be open to experimenting on those lines..."
"What am I saying? I'm a Victorian woman, I'm about as free and independent as a lap dog..."
No, no, it's a red hat with a purple dress; they'll never let you into the society with that outfit...
"You hear that, light wrap?"
Hey, that's no way to treat your clothes!
"Like the fact that you never wear a shirt..."
Well, if your clothes can fold themselves it's no wonder you just toss them anywhere...
So...she wants to flash the King? I don't get it!
Yeah, if there's one thing the British hate, it's royalty.
That's because the cat would give you that "bitch, please" look they do and go back to licking its genitalia.
Why, are you planning a production of The Wind in the Willows?
That's not easy to do in petticoats. Try it sometime!
Maybe she's trying to get a Section 8 out of her job...
Rodgers and Hammerstein's Secretary
You know, she could do this sort of thing on the Internet and make a bundle...
"Do you have a cigarette?"
"Are you aware the schoolteacher is indulging in bizarre humiliation fantasies in the front lobby?"
Do the men in this family have a genetic predisposition against shirts?
"Sorry, I meant, 'what-what-what?'"
"--prevent your son from dressing in feathered gowns and taking the name of Lady Coco Carriba?"
"Um, okay. But the other thirty-eight wives I can choose myself, right?"
"Of course! I'm a liberal man."
"Father, can we please speak Siamese when we're alone instead of this broken English?"
"I know you're not too old for a spanking, now git!"

Capped by TheDiva

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