Friday, February 11, 2011

The King and I, Part 2

You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.
The Official Asian Stereotype Parade, ladies and gentlemen!
Another victim of the subprime loan market.
"And be honest--do you think I'm coming off a bit creepy?"
"I have no intention of being pampered in royal luxury when I can go home to a nice dingy flat above a fish shop!"
So, will she tell the king this?
"I'm still waiting for the moving truck to come with my furniture, okay?"
Why are the guards wearing adult diapers?
"The fruit basket that guy's wearing on his head."
"Where do they think we are, America?"
Carmen Miranda's less successful brother, Larry.
"Go on, tell him about the ping pong ball trick..."
"Sweet! Have her read King Bidgood's in the Bathtub!"
He's not a Sunni Muslim, more of a Still-Life Muslim...
"Thanks, that's just what I wanted, my own young, nubile florist. Fuckin' Bowdlerized script..."
Can we have ONE scene without the monkey or Dorky Buddha doing something stupid, please?
Lunch at the palace cafeteria will be fruit cocktail and monkey's brains...
He's your pet, you discipline him! Come on kid, I want to see you spank your monkey!
Me too. That monkey line came out wrong.
Oh, you got that out of a fortune cookie!
"Why don't I have a cute animal companion? My kid gets a monkey, you get a panther...even oily Mohawk guy gets an iguana!"
"You will show me all about these things you English call Monty Python and the Beatles!"
It's a little known fact that Rodgers and Hammerstein started the steampunk craze.
"Oh wait, this is a waffle iron, never mind."
"I also have this great Zutara fanfic you should read..."
"Are there any other long royal things you can show me?"
"Now I will show you how engine of steam will help Marty get back to future..."
"You mean, you DON'T use your explosives to kill people? What kind of backwater is this?"
Oh, quit bragging. You filched all this stuff from Archimedes' storehouse and you know it.
Stop that monkey! He's going to break the third act plot device!
This can happen with trisomy-21, I understand.
"Good, now that the stupid comic relief characters are out of the way..."
Damn, even Siam is ahead of the Texas Board of Education.
"In about a hundred and fifteen years, that is."
"1712, wait, so that makes this, ummm, carry the one..."
"Look, my son is...well, let's just say I don't have high hopes for grandkids..."
PLEASE tell me I just imagined the king giving a low-five to his panther...
Who are you, Alex Trebek?
"I have the closing papers right here..."
"Lines of coke and rubbing off to tranny porn, why?"
"It's what we Westerners call a 'catch phrase'."
"Look, we're having some troubles with the inspection..."
"Please, be careful with my Precious Moments figurines!"
"Well, you sound British, so I'm sure I can trust you..."
"Just in time for your next tedious comic scene!"
"Look, just go do a slapstick scene with the kid and the monkey, okay?"
To every Asian everywhere, we apologize for this.
The CGI Gardens of Thailand!
Uh-oh, sounds like the characters are already starting to crack from the stress of being in this movie.
"You want flowers? I'll arrange you some stinkin''s some foxglove, and some nightshade, and poison oak..."
o/...When will my reflection show who I am insiiiiiiiide?....o/
"I've been here for the past three hours. Actually, I thought you'd have noticed me before now..."
"And even though this is the 19th century and hunting big game is commonplace, I know it's wrong!"
"Gee, thanks. I'll call you Fredomina, how do you like that?"
Bruce Lee: The Animated Series!
Is this kickboxing or a Cirque du Soleil routine?
"Ha, psyche!" *elbow drops him*
"That's not a good place for your trunk..."
"So, I guess this means you can do that thing with your tongue...?"
"They won't allow me at the family picnic next year!"
"Thanks, that narrows it down to the entire damn country..."
"Great, now we can put on our own production of Gone With the Wind!"
"I think I'm Lady Thiang, but they pretty much did away with my character's entire part in the story so it's hard to tell..."
"And I'm a little obsessive-compulsive, so I get nervous when people rearrange my things..."
"They want to, how you say, munch your rug..."
Victorian upskirt!
"I was going to burn that..."
"I'm not sure, I spent the whole time thinking of England like they told us to..."
They live in an Asian Hobbit hole.
o/...Traditioooo--oh wait, wrong musical.
"Yeah right, let me hear you say that when your king abdicates to marry an American divorcee..."
This isn't really the right song for kung fu fighting; they need something more in the Johnathan Larson mold...
Wow, it didn't take tradition-lady long to be won over...
Two three, KICK!
"Yeah, I am pretty macho, aren't I?"
"No, your wedding tackle!"
"A mummy!...Oh wait, that's your hand."
"Are you going to be at this long? Dinner's almost ready..."
"Wait, where am I? I'M GONNA DIIIIIIIE!!!"
I see some stupid, stupid rulers in Siam's future as a result of these two.
"No really, we have to go down now, the curry just doesn't taste the same when it's cold..."
Can do.
Her husband is Bruce Ismay!
They have so much in common. A complete lack of nipples, for example.
*beep, beep, beep*
She looks like she should be ringing a Salvation Army bell.
The King and I now concludes its broadcast day.

Capped by TheDiva

No comments:

Post a Comment