Romeo and Juliet: Sealed With a Kiss Part 1

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Nibbelink? Isn't that a goblin in Harry Potter?

By the pricking of my thumbs, something silly this way comes.

Pride Rock just wasn't the same after Hurricane Katrina...

No, don't jump! You're a young tree and have so much to live for!

VISIT scenic Hades!

WALL-E?

Maybe the film is entirely made up of establishing shots...

Ah, the wonder and majesty of the Aurora PAR Light...

*snores*--Huh? Oh, I guess the movie's starting.

Except humans had two sets of sexual organs apiece...

The Marazanos and the Masserias.

Both had none whatsoever.

OW! Who dropped that anvil?

Excuse you!

"Quit throwing your fish heads into our yard!"

"Oh yeah? I hear you barking at three am one more time and I'm calling the cops!"

Well, I think it started when the brown seals started immigrating in great numbers into the white seals' nation in order to escape persecution elsewhere...

Brad and Jennifer?

o/...So we gotta say goodbye for the migration season, baby I promise you this...o/

So, Shakespeare with arctic wildlife and big-band music. This is a winning combination right here...

Ah, I think I found the Fat Comic Sidekick (TM).

If they were walruses, would that make them TUSK-en raiders?

(Sorry.)

"Ah, the oil-slicked ducks are out, the fish are rotting on the shore...it's good to be alive!"

"Do you bite your flipper at me, sir?"
"No, sir, I do not bite my flipper at you, sir, but I bite my flipper..."

Filmed on beautiful Lisa Frank Beach.

Idiots! Don't you know flippers only squeal on pavement?

"Crap, I knew I should have never left Pier 39!"

Backgrounds by Barbie

"I'm posing for the Little Mermaid statue, can't it wait?"

"I knew I should have let him get run over by that motorboat..."

"Hey, why is everything upside down?"

"You can't kill me, I'm the comic relief!"

Voice by a bankrupt man's Nathan Lane.

"How about after he kills you, is that okay?"

"Ha-ha, I am smaller and less muscular than you are, you dare not challenge me!"

"That is the cliched Shakespeare quote."

"Catfish? I LOVE catfish!"

Look, could you mangle one play at a time, please?

"Argh."

They really shouldn't spin their flippers like that, it wears down the treads...

Can we skip ahead to the tragic death and suicide stuff already, please?

"Help, I'm suddenly forced perspective and tiny!"

"Uh-oh, I don't think our Bartlett's Quotations is going to get us out of this!"

BANZAI!!

Aaaand they chase them back into an even bigger group of Montague seals; who chase them back, etc., etc., etc....

"Please, my doctor says I'm not supposed to run!"

"Sweet, Mercutio and Benvolio are getting eaten! Let's watch!"

Told you.

Don't worry, I'm sure the plot will show up eventually...

"*sigh* They've been at this for five hours now..."

Is that fighting or foreplay?

"VISA, MASTERCARD or DISCOVEEEEEEEER!!!"

And they explode and create little baby seals!

So instead of swordfighting, they burp in each others' faces a lot.

"C'mon, blubberface!"
"Fishbreath!"
"Otariid!"

When you get to a quote from your OWN play, let us know.

The funny sound effects are what really heighten the drama.

Aaand he burns up on re-entry!

"Ha-ha, I just pulverized his skull. He's a vegetable now."

We're five minutes in, shouldn't we have reached an initiating event or ascending action or something?

"No hickeys!"

"Sorry, too much soda."

It's not blue-ringed. Shoot.

"Calamari! Thanks!"

I guess they're stuck fighting until a new sequence gets animated...

My God, he's the Scrappy-Doo of pinnipeds.

Set up butt joke, and...

...wait for it...

Butt joke GO!

Could someone turn off the John Coltrane, please?

"This bites. I'm going to go see if there's a part in the all-polar-bear production of Othello..."

"Great, and now the Armageddon is happening."

Uh-oh, you pissed off Pele...

"Just you wait, we're gonna RULE Vegas with this act!"

*Rite of Spring music*

Well, it's already a pretty bad movie, I suppose invoking the Scottish Play couldn't possibly make things worse...

I spoke too soon.

"Hold me!"

Big noisy sack of lard...so it's either Rush Limbaugh or Michael Moore.

"I-I loved 'When Doves Cry'!"

Now, this is just offensive to Jewish seals.

"All hail the almighty Sack O' Crap!"

So they fight over their color, but everyone kowtows to the ugly elephant seal who isn't even their species? I don't get it.

I couldn't agree more.

So, they just gave a trash bag a nose and animated it.

"A fifty dollar fine!"

Wow, wonder why they named it that.

Oh, thanks. I was confused for a moment.

Whoops, the movie shorted out!

Please, Shakespeare does not need more Ho Yay.

Eww, that had chunks in it!

Mercutio rides the short bus, doesn't he?

"So, um, feud's over then? Okay. That was easy."

Was that a belch, a sneeze, or a fart?

Wow, he's so heavy he affects light and weather patterns.

"Did we just get yelled at by a giant lima bean with features?"

"Bye, Larry."
"Bye, Bob. Same time next week?"

I'm guessing that is either Juliet or a Sea World mascot.

"We're pals, right Mercutio? Right?"

So, does Benvolio die in Romeo and Juliet?
No?
Crap.

"Shut up before I pop you."

"Will there be appetizers?"

Stop thou that fake Elizabethan phraseology!

"Mmmm...fish bait."

"C'mon, I want to score me some white tail!"

I'm okay with that.

"It's the ocean. It's always been there."

Nice of nature to provide Romeo with his own mood lighting.

"I'm ready for some sweet lovin'!"

"Does the phrase 'dumber than a bag of sea cucumbers' mean anything to you?"

Hey, if I were Romeo I'd be avoiding you guys too.

"God knows what he sees in you, but you are."

I know how he feels, we're not ten minutes in here and I feel ill.

Capped by TheDiva
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