Monday, December 21, 2009

In Search Of...Atlantis (Part 3 of 3) Nimoy

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"Help me, Steve Irwin's fans are after me!"
Harry/Hermione, Bella/Jacob, Xander/Willow...
Another had gone down on her boyfriend after prom.
They're matryoshka ships!
The ocean uses 2,000 Flushes.
...having the name "Valentine" makes it impossible for him to be taken seriously by his colleagues.
"Hey Balthazar, I'll trade you this Mediterranean limited edition for your Caspian rookie card!"
...for the breakfast buffet at Cesar's Palace?
Or were they just really, really lost?
"Shouldn't have had Mexican before diving, sorry..."
Unfortunately, they ran out of extension cord and had to call the exploration off.
"It's a rock. Can't wait to tell my friends, they don't have a rock this big..."
...looks frantically for his lost contact lens.
Each of which ran in Marble Shooters' Weekly for several years.
Then they thought aliens did it.
Specifically, that some kid was dreaming and they were stuck inside his wacky Broadway nightmare.
Give or take 12,000 years.
And Legos.
Or it could just prove that all of this is hogwash.
HERE is a diver who really doesn't know what he's doing...
Crap, Nemo's lost again...
Sailors may have gotten drunk and done unspeakably dirty things to tavern wenches...
Here, guys carrying around placards saying "THE END OF ATLANTIS IS NEAR" may have been dismissed as loonies.
Wow, who knew licorice was so noisy?
While we prepare our next half-baked theory, please enjoy this Kitaro music.
Yep, still a moldy old column.
Or it really just could be ballast from a sunken ship, but who wants to watch a half-hour series on that?
Oh no, the cherry cobbler is going critical!
Reno?
Organic decomposition's a bitch, isn't it?
As was detailed in the epic Atlantis by Rolando Emmerichus.
Nobody has ever tried to find that wardrobe CS Lewis was going on about, your point?
All speculative pseudoscience has to involve the Easter Island statues at some point or another.
...Is a statue that looks nothing like the Easter Island heads, but it's huge so it must have come from the same people, right?
You're just throwing random shit together now, aren't you? Why not tie in the Roanoke colony and Elvis while you're at it?
...the accountants, the part-time gyro stand employees...
Which somehow ended up looking EXACTLY like the culture and technology of the indigenous population!
Um, because they're all human?
Pfft, some pyramid. The one in Vegas has a casino...
Of course the revelation that the triangle is the most stable shape in architecture couldn't possibly have occurred in two different civilizations, so the Atlanteans did it!
Like enormous phallic symbols.
Wow, what an extraordinary thing for a temple that's, you know, dedicated to a sun god.
Or, in more colloquial terms, "Ramses' Tanning Bed."
...delicious wafer mints are made!
So in other words, using none of the same words as the Egyptians apart from the "of the sun" bit.
...are these souvenirs that have "I Survived The Destruction of Atlantis" written on the back.
o/...We come from the fire, living in the fire...o/
And monkeys.
See, this looks kind of like a black guy, doesn't it? DOESN'T IT?!
Silly Putty!
Um, yeah, we call that Africa.
People bury there dead all over the place--it MUST be true!
...with the citizens and officials of Rutland, Vermont...
Or maybe the Mayans just figured things out on their own...nah, that's crazy talk.
What about the belief that the sun is pushed across the sky by a dung beetle? Nobody ever brings that up anymore...
Admit it, this is just all cobbled together from your college essay on Jung, isn't it?
Or perhaps they were Leonardo Cimino...
"Some of the pieces didn't quite fit so we forced them in with a hammer."
"But in doing so, we also lost the lighting for my host segments."
"I'm just saying this because they paid me to."
"Except for the parts that are myth."
Hey, all the old paintings on the tombs--they really DO the sand dance, don'cha know!
Then they snickered behind their hands.
Horus has a bright idea!
Tawaret? So Atlantis is involved with Lost too?

(Makes about as much sense as anything else in the series, I guess...)
"Stiff as a feather, light as a board, stiff as a feather, light as a board..."
--Australia!
"This is Osiris. On behalf of the entire pantheon, have a Merry Heb Sed!"
"I'm not speaking to you. You're mean to me."
And his wife, V.I.
o/...Every post-production begins with Kay...o/
"Hey Herb, you think the pyramids and the Easter Island statues are connected to Atlantis?"
"Sounds good to me, Jeanne!"
Special thanks to the alien messages from the fillings in our teeth.




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