Showing posts with label cartoons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cartoons. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Stoppit And Tidyup - Episode 1 - Beequiet And Beehave

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This music was made by simply recording a fight the composer had with the producer
"Beer"
"No thanks."
"Hell no!"
"Why? Where are we going?"
of course if this show had been made these days he'd probably be holding a DS
Not now is a nickname, his real name is Bernard
is there a character called DontMakeBadJokes?
the cousin Mr Tickle doesn't talk about
AHHH!! IT'S THE BIG RED THING FROM TRAP DOOR, RUN!
Which borders with Telletuby Land and Fimble Valley
"Frogs!"
"Cat"
"Fudge"
"PANTS!"
"F*CK!!!"
well that's what you get for having a thatched roof
"Burp."
"Hello butterfly."
"Hair"
"Ow"
"What the hell's going on here then?"
"Oooo, free beer!"
"OW, WHO THE F***ING HELL THREW THAT?"
"SUCCESS!"
"YAY!"
So now that he's found the giant wig he can get on with finding his roof!
"Pink"
"Revenge motherf****er, REVENGE!"
"Cr*p!"
"NO NOT THE BEES, NOT THE BEES!"
he also get STDs but we won't talk about that
"Fun"
it was at this point that Tidyup realised that he suffered from vertigo
"Curses, foiled again!"
"Happy."
"Pies"
"Two can play at that game you b*stard!"
"DOOOOOOOOOM!"
"Victory is mine."
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
ck"
"Tuesday"
"You'll pay for this you ar*ehole."
"Jam"
"Well, it at least it can't get any worse."
"NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!"
Imagine if Terry had taken the same approach to this show as he did to his Eurovision commentary




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Thursday, January 28, 2010

Kidd Video--The Dream Machine (3 of 3)

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This is why you don't riff on movies with dial-up.
It's actually a nice place without all the minions of Hell.
"All this damsel-in-distressing is wearing me out!"
Peter Billingsley as a teen.
"What are they going to do, make me take a test I'd forgotten about until now?"
WE'RE IN UR HOTEL GIVIN U NIHTMARES
"Good, then quit talking like that!"
"Wait, this isn't Dick Tracy's watch! My bad!"
Um, you should probably be more specific when using the phrase "put them to sleep" with a bunch of cats....
Did that actually happen, or was that one of the freaky nightmare things?
"Rick Springfield is on Letterman tonight!"
He must be the Shaggy of the group.
Aaaand their grating evil laughter wakes him right back up.
Well, when you're not bound by the laws of geometry and physics...
"Crap, he probably got a hold of the Necronomicon again..."
Ewww, he's having erotic dreams about guitars!
"It's time for school!"
Yeah, I had a dream like this after failing on the Zack Wylde guitar battle at 95% for the umpteenth time...
TOUCHDOWN!
Big surprise.
Well, at least he wasn't dreaming about a sousaphone...
I really didn't need to know about Ash's tentacle rape dreams...
"Why can't you dream about naked women like every other teenage boy?"
Great, so far we've seen erotic attachments to fish and musical instruments. I don't want to know what the guy with the trash can monster was dreaming about...
Whoa, did we suddenly get the Japanese dub by mistake?
Good thing Kidd is trained in anime fu...
So, guitars can be brought down by a swift kick to the fretboard. Good to know.
"Owowowsplintersow..."
"Guess what Carla, my bikini zone is now smoother than yours!"
"Sorry, it's late, that's the best one-liner I can come up with..."
What, make bad jokes?
It looks kind of like a TV camera with a bike helmet attached.
BLUE RASPBERRY POWER!!!
You know, sometimes a giant monster guitar is just a giant monster guitar.
"Dammit, where's the hyper-allergic fairy when I need her?"
Good thing Kidd is a champion lumberjack as well.
Oooh, lot of cavities in your resonating chamber. Have you been flossing?
Well, why should it be different than the rest of the episode?
Yeah, that kind of goes with the "cruelness" territory...
The Hotel Exxon Valdez
You think they'd be used to this sort of thing by now...
And the fallout left West End City a barren wasteland, the end.
So, our heroes...did nothing, really. Okay, then.
WE CAN HAZ BAND-AIDZ?
"Who's a trio of widdle cute henchmen? Yes you is!"
"Nope, it's a lynching for you this time."
"Which is not, I repeat, NOT the container from the bad-dream-sucking vacuum cleaner!"
Well, so much for cats being cunning...
"Yeah, yeah, can we get back to salah now?"
"Damn, there's a childproof cap!"
And so kids, the infrastructure and public services of Flipside collapsed because nobody paid their taxes. The End.
"Oh no, I'm having a fifth heart attack!"
"What's that? You want Apple Blossom to join us?"
Is he dreaming or cross-promoting other 80s cartoons?
So it's just a walking Coleman cooler, basically...
With rapier wit like that, no wonder he's the leader.
And the madness of the Flipside has finally gotten to them.
"Mmmm, tastes like engine grease."
Wonder what happened to those dancing bulls? They never really followed up on that...
Ah, good. I was thinking the episode wouldn't be complete without one more lame 80s musical sequence.
He's studying that painting of Vigo the Carpathian...
"Okay, now can we get the glee club in two lines..."
Meet the Dweebles
"Hang on, let me see if I can get a park employee to take a picture of all of us together..."
Dykeish in front, stringy in back...
"Oh, what I wouldn't give to run my fingers through her stiff, over-moussed hair..."
Those keyboard guitars never really caught on...
She's kind of got a frumpy ballet look going...
"Yeah, you want my bland attractiveness."
Back in the old days when they had to develop porn by hand.
"Okay, wet my lips, I'm an animal! Good..."
Posing for the 1987 Sears Wish List.
Billy Ray Cyrus called, he wants his hair back.
I guess he hasn't got to the "focus" part of his photography class...
"Okay, now look even frumpier..."
A video about the high-pressure world of high school senior photos...
Oh, he's into scrapbooking!
"Finally, a paper doll of my own!"
Early Photoshop was time-consuming...
It's just a starter stalker wall, but I like what he's done so far...
SFMOMA paid handsomely for his "Reflections on a Mulleted Girl"...
Well, at least they've got the Jonas Brothers beat as a manufactured pop group...




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Thursday, January 14, 2010

Kidd Video--The Dream Machine (2 of 3)

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Damn AOL...
AAAGGGGH!
I'm sorry, your eyebags are too large for the overhead compartment. You'll have to check them.
The Munchkin coroner called; he wants his hat back.
What does a surreal creature dream about, anyway? Normal situations, like getting stuck in traffic or calling to get a prescription refilled?
"Heh-heh, we're going to film him in an embarrassing situation and post it on YouTube!"
Inside Dr. Seuss' head.
What...the...?
The mayor just wants to feel pretty sometimes, I guess.
By the way, I loved you in Fantasia.
Rule 34 strikes again!
Well, this really calls the mayor's platform against interspecies marriage into question...
Is the floating fishbowl part of the dream, or just bad animation?
It's a narwhal helmet!
All machines in the Flipside are required by law to have creepy facial features, I guess.
Please don't talk again.
This is why you shouldn't overfeed them...
Les Ballets Trockadero de Oz
Where is his torso, anyway?
Gossamer!
Waitaminnit, hair on a fish?
"Pucker up, lover."
I CAN HAZ TOONAH?
So it transformed into some sort of giant monster fish/Beatles hybrid...
PEW PEW PEW!!!
Why is everyone dreaming about Japanese monster movies?
Now really, how is this any worse than the dancing buildings at the beginning of the show?
Even Terry Gilliam is scratching his head at all this.
And our heroes kind of meander to the rescue.
How exactly did they get this out of a Subaru BRAT, anyway?
"Candygram."
So this is Venkman from The Real Ghostbusters as a teen.
"I can't deny my love for you any longer!"
What, the first five minutes of this episode?
Chili cheesecake, only at Applebees!
"My robot doppleganger is about to rise against us!"
STELLA!!!
"Cool, I've heard so much about the girls there."
All toasters toast YOUR SOUL!!!
"Someone get Yen Sid, quick!"
"No, I don't want to be pregnant!"
"Um, maybe I should run, or something....nah, forget it..."
"Apart from the Bovine Conga Line..."
Why do the lips have nose hairs?
Um, everything in this dimension is freaky as all get-out, perhaps?
"God?"
Overdrawn at the Memory Bank: The Animated Series
"You...you BAD GUY, you!"
"And now that I've told you all about it you can thwart me!"
SOMEONE hasn't read the Evil Overlord List.
"Oh, and no hard feelings about the musical slaves thing, okay?"
I can't wait.
Moby Dick got a dye job!
The cousin the Notre Dame mascot doesn't talk about.
I'm surprised Jerry Falwell never complained about Lucky Charms' "subversive gay agenda."
TASTE THE RAINBOOOOOW!
Yay, a new stale marshmallow shape!
Adding empty calories and sugar to this complete breakfast!
One of them is in the wrong locker room.
"It's filled with Nightmare Fuel!"
Hey, you can't market furry balls to children!
Popples: Our Cuteness Collapses In On Itself!
PC Popple, DF 435
Hey, no ad for TOBOR?
There is entirely too much creepy anthropomorphism in this show.
"I said 'Si' because I'm Hispanic, you know. Ai yi yi."
Because every good plan needs a one-man band!
"Besides, we like humiliating you."
Never let a four-year-old design your marquee.
"That girl cat is kind of hot!"
I wonder how Master Blaster managed to take over with just three bumbling henchcats.
"Don't worry, I've got the vacuum cleaner. It always drives cats nuts!"
"Oh no, another pointless musical sequence is starting!"
The MC Escher Hotel and Casino
What does it mean when you dream about being chased by hookworms, anyway?
"Get away from me, Kirby!"
"I knew I should have stayed at the Overlook instead..."
This is normal for him. He has the DTs.
I hated this level of Mario Party...
BANZAI!!!
"Great, the giant gumball is mocking me."
Um, you can turn on your knockoff proton pack anytime...
Where's Dick Van Dyke when you need him?
Oh God, I did NOT need to see Ash blowing a python!
Well, so much for that idea.
You know, usually the heroes in these bad 80s cartoons were at least slightly more competent than the villain's Mooks...
Oh no, it's a Scooby Doo chase gone horribly wrong!
So, basically any Scooby Doo chase.
This is one of those things that only makes sense if you're high, isn't it?
Great idea, give the nerdy spaz the weapon.
"There's the problem--the safety is on!"
"Excellent! Now to take out Slimer!"
"Oh no, a souped-up Hoover! Run for your lives!"
The monsters took the Frankie Goes to Hollywood music with them, I guess...
Sure, give the Latina girl a broom and send her into a hotel room...way to buck stereotype, writers!
"Don't eat me! I'm sorry I said I liked Big Bird better!"
What, no "take out the trash" pun?
And once again, the token female proves useless.
Stop that, you're making the mariachi mice in that Titanic cartoon look good!
It's turning into a mecha!
"Maybe I should have tried a mop instead..."
"Um, guys, the broom thing didn't work..."
After the orgy...
"We need more caffeine pills, now!"
"Don't look at me; I'm just a supervisor."
"You sent them in to battle a bunch of monsters with cleaning utensils. They're probably dead by now."
Thank God for blacked-out crotch area.
She's making Daphne Blake look competent.
"A trash can? We didn't plan on that!"
"I need to take a wizz, NOW!"
"I don't know, I woke up with a hangover and there he was next to me!"
And the annoying fairy gets splatted, the end.
BY THE POWER OF ZYRTEC!!
"I knew I should have used a Bissel instead!"
"Don't worry, my plot-convenient superpower just kicked in!"
BOFF!
"Yay, the food bank is saved!"




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Thursday, January 7, 2010

Kidd Video--The Dream Machine (1 of 3)

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"Crap, I'm late! Good thing I did my hair and makeup in my sleep!"
"Mmm, I had an amazing time last night, circuit board. Call me?"
"Gotta hurry, I'm late for Steve Gutenberg practice!"
"Buckle u--oh, that's right. Well, just pray we don't hit a fast turn, then."
"Um, where's your other hand?"
"I hope the eighties NEVER end!"
"If we practice hard enough, we can land that gig at the U-Stor-It downtown..."
Still, it's a better theme song than "Hammerman"...
They make the Pat Boone look like James Brown...
"Damn, I'm hot!"
"We suck!"
o/...I am your Angel of Music...o/
Rush Limbaugh?
Whoops, that was the button for the Phantom Zone; lemme try again...
"Really bad ones, in fact."
It Came From Planet Wurlitzer
"But first, let's get physical!"
And they fell to their deaths, the end.
"And what's with the Jazzercize fairy?"
*whistle* Illegal formation, extra consonant on the field, five yard penalty, repeat first down.
What are the OSHA regulations on dancing houses, anyway?
It's Amishpalooza!
Lewis Carroll's Oklahoma!
*shudder* I'm scared...
Their tops are made out of horrific Mardis Gras heads, their bottoms are made out of springs!
Even the little abominations are getting in on the fun!
"Okay Jerry, on three we gore him!"
And here comes the what the fuckery, right on schedule!
Fortunately, Brian Setzer quickly abandoned "Stray Bull Strut" and moved on to better things.
Don't worry, I have no doubt this will be absolutely essential to the plot later on!
This was pretty daring back in the day...not a lot of 80's cartoons were willing to tackle bovine homosexuality.
Bull the Floor
EXTREE! EXTREE! SATURDAY MORNING CARTOON CONFUSES THE HELL OUT OF VIEWERS!
O is for OH SHUT IT, ALREADY!
Just because they're going to the slaughterhouse, doesn't mean they can't have one last party!
Pamplona's annual Conga-Line of the Bulls
So, the eighties gave us this and Rubik the Amazing Cube. Any more doubts that there was a TON of cocaine floating around at the time?
THANK GOD!!!
"The name's John Wayne Tenniel."
"And outlets for the animators' furry kink."
"Let's see what the tickertape from Hell says..."
Please, stop! You're hurting me!
I'll talk, I'll talk! Just don't hurt my wife and little abacuses!
"We don't like anthropomorphic housepets in these here parts."
"And Billy Bob's bringing the spanking paddle!"
Wow, I don't envy the person who has to give them a bath now.
He's foreshortening the HELL out of this scene!
"Um, we heard, we're kind of standing right next to you..."
"And Circle in the Square, tell me what you have lined up for next season's repertoire!"
So, is the Crystal Square the television, or the box encasing the television?
Do the Beatles know Kidd Video stole their ride?
"Whiz" doesn't refer to his IQ, but an unfortunate incident in the third grade.
Eighties cartoons were required by law to have at least one geeky guy in glasses.
Oh, he's a Teamster.
Does everybody in this universe have a horrifying robot companion?
"Say, are you familiar with The Legend of Neil...?"
"Whatever, Dumbass."
Glitter narrowly avoided being named "Crossroads."
"Let's see...o-one...uh...what comes after one?"
"Look, we were brought here by a fat guy in a flying jukebox, we live in a Yellow Submarine knock-off, and you're a fairy in legwarmers. We're as confused by this as you are."
Oh I see--it's an ajna gun!
Yeah, you're a real porker.
"Ha-ha, very funny. Guess who's not getting laid tonight."
He chews like a rabbit!
They're lucky Whiz had the food dream, and not the one with the twin lesbian mud wrestlers and the gorilla in a tutu...
"Well, I'm back from the RenFaire, anybody want leftover turkey leg?"
"Now, Crystal Square, tell me the score of the Saints-Cowboys game!"
"I've got it! I'll make them go to school in their underwear until they submit!"
West End? Since when was the London theater district inhabited by bizarre gnomes with swelled heads?
...Besides Andrew Lloyd Webber, I mean.
And the Cheshire Cat sues for copyright infringement.
Looks like a souped-up Thundercats car...
Um...who's driving?
"Heh-heh, now to walk on their countertops and leave dead mice on their beds!"
Good thing Whiz's dream food was heavily laced with NyQuil.
If Fran Drescher was a furry.
But first, a Pointless Eighties Musical Interlude!
Is that what you told your daughter?
Nauseating Eighties Fashions: The Video
"Come on, defy gravity with us! It's fun!"
"The ghosts are moving the table again. I'm going to complain to the manager."
"Hey, you can't shoot a music video in here! I'm telling the super!"
Hey buddy, the Rocky Horror Picture Show screening is two doors down!
"Mmm, blood of the damned!"
"I'm just going to hide in my apartment until the grunge era."
Um, okay...what.
Sure you can! No need to continue on my account, really...
Really? Crap.
This is one weird revival meeting!
"What the HELL did I just see?"
And just in time for the first commercial break, the plot actually starts going somewhere. Sort of.
Plumbercopter AWAY!!




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Sunday, August 2, 2009

The Wizard of Oz (1933)

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God it pisses me off when people caption their own videos.
(Had you been reading the text above the grey box, you would have been bored and irritated too.)
I prefer my films in fully archival bubblegun card format, thank you very much.
He's a wonderful god?
(In the days before Wikipedia, people could be awarded entire posthumous generalships based on a misheard syllable.)
Hard to imagine how negro music could have taken the country by storm with jams like that floating around.
Dorothy, your, um... are showing...
"Throw this set of hex wrenches for me!"
Much better. Thank you!
No! Dammit.
(This sucks. I wonder what Emma Goldman's up to?)Oo.
Senator?
"Palpatine! Brutus! Cunningham! It's a twister!"
Hey, it took out the fence twice.
"I'm tasting the rainbow!"
"How come I'm not in color now!?"
Oh dear god.
"What am I feeling?"

"Why, that's just my turkey in the straw, little lady."
"Are... are you okay? Can glimpsing my panties help in any way?"
Man! Now how is he going to steal immortality from those who have returned to revenge his wrongs?
It won't last.
You were doing this at home!
Whore.
*crack*

"Oh god, my head! My f***ing head!"
"A piece of outsider art!"

"Oh, I simply must have it."
"Hand me your bolt cutters."
And Toto survives another assassination attempt.
Eh! That's crotch straw.
"I always knew you were stuffing, Scarecrow."
Yes, the horrible munchkins had left the Tin Man to rust within sight of the Emerald City -- perhaps as a warning to others.
Even the frame wants to see the wizard.
Oh god, bendyneck animation...
That was mercifully brief.
But now on to more animals doing it.
"Our corrupted eyes see through all blinds, children."
"Oh yes! Oh god yes! Shove that thoraxial spur in, you f***ing wasp!
"That on was still in your cooch!"
"What a horrible spectacle."
"What's that, Toto? Timmy the munchkin fell down a posthole?"
"IDs out, please."
Welcome. Please enjoy this sin against nature.
"Actually, it's spelled -I-E."

"How many centipede dogs do you think we have?"
Yay! It's Edwin Meese.
(Too sexy for my brass... Oh yeah you want this ass...)Oo.
I guess I don't remember the Flintstonian use of crows in the books.
"Throw them on the pyre to appease the Wizard! Hooray!"
Please god make it stop.
"I'm a horse of a different sanity."
"Why are we cheering these people again?"
"I totally hit that first!"
(That's what he thinks!)Oo.
"Since your fat ass fell out midair, the house missed my sister by a hundred yards! Hooray!"
The Wizard is defended by some effed up sh*t.
Do they do this for everyone who happens into the city, or just the real freaks?
If we have to endure this much Dorothy pantie, can they at least be Judy Garland's?
(PERSPECTIVE)
Wow, the original wizard couldn't disappear for a frame.
"Fresh meat! The hunger of the void is never sated."
The all-powerful wizard doesn't even have a matching set of chairs?
"Don't mind the electrical humming -- sit!"
= Comedy
So less a Wonderful Wizard than a Bar Mitzvah Magician.
...and they somehow find a way to turn it into crotches.
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
How is this mathematically possible?
If not for the heroic work of the WPA, American humor to this day might consist of little more than balloon people and buffalo shots.
The theory of Quantum Chromodynamics, ladies and gentlemen.
If ever oh ever a wizz there was, this is not it.
"Now fer the good schtuff!
.oO(Antifreeze!)
Well, good thing that went nowhere.
I knew evolution couldn't explain the Wuzzles.
So far I'm counting an orgy between a chicken, a giraffe, a gorilla, a stork, an elephant, a lion and a dragon.
Just eat that chicken -- it's genetically diseased, and it's goddamn insane.
"Toto! Why do you have to ruin all of my dates?"
"Wainscoting!"
You know what? Next time Toto waits in the car.
TIN MAN
STR: 8 / DEX: 5 / HRT: 0
CAN EQUIP: MELE
BONUS: AX +5
WEAKNESS: RUST
A thought he already broke his ax.
We've got a minute left -- shouldn't a plot have developed by now?
Even the Wizard wears grannie panties in this. What is he, Mormon?
All around the mulberry bush/
The honkies chased the beagle...
.oO(I lost them! Part one of my fiendish plan is complete.)
SCARECROW
STR: 2 / DEX: 7 / BRN: 0
NO MELE DAMAGE
WEAKNESS: FIRE
BONUS WITH: TIN MAN, MRS KING
...and that's where babies come from.
*Toto pounces and snaps its neck*
Did the explosion kill her other disease-spawned children?
Who's rocking the shell?
It is?
What is this, the manga version? That's the inside cover!




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