The Wizard of Oz (1933)

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God it pisses me off when people caption their own videos.

(Had you been reading the text above the grey box, you would have been bored and irritated too.)

I prefer my films in fully archival bubblegun card format, thank you very much.

He's a wonderful god?

(In the days before Wikipedia, people could be awarded entire posthumous generalships based on a misheard syllable.)

Hard to imagine how negro music could have taken the country by storm with jams like that floating around.

Dorothy, your, um... are showing...

"Throw this set of hex wrenches for me!"

Much better. Thank you!

No! Dammit.

(This sucks. I wonder what Emma Goldman's up to?)Oo.

Senator?

"Palpatine! Brutus! Cunningham! It's a twister!"

Hey, it took out the fence twice.

"I'm tasting the rainbow!"

"How come I'm not in color now!?"

Oh dear god.

"What am I feeling?"

"Why, that's just my turkey in the straw, little lady."

"Are... are you okay? Can glimpsing my panties help in any way?"

Man! Now how is he going to steal immortality from those who have returned to revenge his wrongs?

It won't last.

You were doing this at home!

Whore.

*crack*

"Oh god, my head! My f***ing head!"

"A piece of outsider art!"

"Oh, I simply must have it."

"Hand me your bolt cutters."

And Toto survives another assassination attempt.

Eh! That's crotch straw.

"I always knew you were stuffing, Scarecrow."

Yes, the horrible munchkins had left the Tin Man to rust within sight of the Emerald City -- perhaps as a warning to others.

Even the frame wants to see the wizard.

Oh god, bendyneck animation...

That was mercifully brief.

But now on to more animals doing it.

"Our corrupted eyes see through all blinds, children."

"Oh yes! Oh god yes! Shove that thoraxial spur in, you f***ing wasp!

"That on was still in your cooch!"

"What a horrible spectacle."

"What's that, Toto? Timmy the munchkin fell down a posthole?"

"IDs out, please."

Welcome. Please enjoy this sin against nature.

"Actually, it's spelled -I-E."

"How many centipede dogs do you think we have?"

Yay! It's Edwin Meese.

(Too sexy for my brass... Oh yeah you want this ass...)Oo.

I guess I don't remember the Flintstonian use of crows in the books.

"Throw them on the pyre to appease the Wizard! Hooray!"

Please god make it stop.

"I'm a horse of a different sanity."

"Why are we cheering these people again?"

"I totally hit that first!"

(That's what he thinks!)Oo.

"Since your fat ass fell out midair, the house missed my sister by a hundred yards! Hooray!"

The Wizard is defended by some effed up sh*t.

Do they do this for everyone who happens into the city, or just the real freaks?

If we have to endure this much Dorothy pantie, can they at least be Judy Garland's?

(PERSPECTIVE)

Wow, the original wizard couldn't disappear for a frame.

"Fresh meat! The hunger of the void is never sated."

The all-powerful wizard doesn't even have a matching set of chairs?

"Don't mind the electrical humming -- sit!"

= Comedy

So less a Wonderful Wizard than a Bar Mitzvah Magician.

...and they somehow find a way to turn it into crotches.

"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"

"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"

How is this mathematically possible?

If not for the heroic work of the WPA, American humor to this day might consist of little more than balloon people and buffalo shots.

The theory of Quantum Chromodynamics, ladies and gentlemen.

If ever oh ever a wizz there was, this is not it.

"Now fer the good schtuff!

.oO(Antifreeze!)

Well, good thing that went nowhere.

I knew evolution couldn't explain the Wuzzles.

So far I'm counting an orgy between a chicken, a giraffe, a gorilla, a stork, an elephant, a lion and a dragon.

Just eat that chicken -- it's genetically diseased, and it's goddamn insane.

"Toto! Why do you have to ruin all of my dates?"

"Wainscoting!"

You know what? Next time Toto waits in the car.

TIN MAN
STR: 8 / DEX: 5 / HRT: 0
CAN EQUIP: MELE
BONUS: AX +5
WEAKNESS: RUST

A thought he already broke his ax.

We've got a minute left -- shouldn't a plot have developed by now?

Even the Wizard wears grannie panties in this. What is he, Mormon?

All around the mulberry bush/
The honkies chased the beagle...

.oO(I lost them! Part one of my fiendish plan is complete.)

SCARECROW
STR: 2 / DEX: 7 / BRN: 0
NO MELE DAMAGE
WEAKNESS: FIRE
BONUS WITH: TIN MAN, MRS KING

...and that's where babies come from.

*Toto pounces and snaps its neck*

Did the explosion kill her other disease-spawned children?

Who's rocking the shell?

It is?

What is this, the manga version? That's the inside cover!

Capped by Space Toast
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