The Wizard of Oz--1910

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Wonder how they'll handle the prison rape scene.

...Wow, the really early movies didn't have sound OR images!

Baum created a lot of controversy with the "donkey show" chapter.

"Not again! Boys, help me get Henry out of that costume and give him his meds."

Hi, Meets. I'm Diva the Magnificent Riffer.

I've never had pantomime cow milk before, is it any good?

"Wow, you can move!"
"No, you're just getting a buzz from Aunt Em's 'special' crop."

"Thank you! Now I will teach the citizens of Gotham City the meaning of fear!"

A turnstile? Is there a subway station in the cornfield?

"Come on, you're needed to present opposing arguments on Fox News!"

"Hey, wanna see my Gene Kelly impression?"

I see a scarecrow, a girl, and a couple pantomime animals, but no turkey.

No, bad cow! Someone get the hose!

Misunderstood Euphemism Theater Presents A Roll in the Hay

Remember kids, a pile of grass out in an open field is the safest place in a tornado!

Oh no, the Blob!

Only at Lakeside Amusement Park!

So in Kansas, "cyclone" means "partially cloudy with a light breeze." Must be a regional thing.

This was filmed before editors were invented.

And so Dorothy and her friends were whisked away to Oz by a magical dust bunny...

Lousy cheap sets.

By an IED!

So, Oz=Leftover set from Tarzan

Knock it off, Fiyero!

Back then you could just film your family goofing around on Halloween and Hollywood would buy it.

"This sucks. I thought at least there'd be little people or a dead witch or something to greet us..."

Puck went a little overboard on Bottom.

The witch is from Kenya?

o/...We represent the LGBT, the LGBT, the LGBT...o/

The Siamese Twin Ballet, ladies and gentlemen!

They had the uniforms left over from Alice in Wonderland.

Maybe the Wizard would stand a chance against the Witch if he trained his army in martial arts instead.

Tchaikovsky's Public Domain Suite #3

What does that say? Something about doing the mambo with Omega?

Keeping it up there won't make it more legible.

You know, you can turn the camera off while setting up your next shot...

"I meant to do that!"

"Ha, I am Momba the Witch come to assert my power over you!"
"I know, I read the intertitle."

He shouldn't have hired the Keystone Kops for his royal guard.

What a poof.

"That wasn't me, it was the beans you had for lunch and you know it!"

"Darn, I was sure a random forward somersault would come in handy..."

"Hey, cool! When did the Wizard get a zip line installed?"

"Did anyone catch what she was shrieking about defying gravity?"

And has him bless the rains down in Africa.

Eww, the trees are checking out Dorothy's ass!

Knock that off, you pervs! She's only...um...

"Come on, I levitated up here, it's impressive!"
"Please, I'm not facing you and I can see the wires."

Just what Dorothy needed: more pantomime animals!

"Don't worry, Dorothy, I'll distract them with my impression of a Benny Hill sketch!"

"Okay, just ignore me then! If you fall asleep in a poppy field, don't come crying to me!"

If she had a few more people in animal costumes, she could start a theme park.

Damn, it's gotten even harder to read!

Remember, this big official proclimation which is posted everywhere in the realm is TOP SECRET!

"Let's try it. How hard can murdering one witch be, anyhow?"

o/...We're off to the next random scene,
the next random scene in this film!...o/

"Hey, at least buy me a drink first!"

Of course there are still people who deny the theory of grateful.

"Look, it's one of those living statue guys! I'm gonna kick him in the shin!"

"And here's his tip basket! Swipe it, hurry!"

The animals are arguing over who gets to mark the Tinman.

The Tin Codpiece is kind of freaking me out.

"Thank you so much! Now my ax will taste blood again!"

"Say, we're dancing around randomly pretending to act out a classic fantasy novel. Want to join in?"

So, this movie is basically strange characters in random dance sequences. It's like Glee without Jane Lynch.

Again! Step-kick-kick-leap-kick-touch, again!

I think a few pages of "The Pied Piper of Hamlin" got mixed into the script.

"Okay, enough goofing around, time to get down to business! You, run around in circles! You, point madly offstage like something interesting is happening! You, flail your arms a lot! Okay, go!"

o/...Let me entertain you, let me see you smile...o/

"Oh, we are going to ROCK the next season of Oz's Got Talent!"

o/...We're off to film more filler, more filler scenes with no sense!...o/

"....Shoot, I was hoping to get paired with the donkey."

Tonight the role of the Tin Man will be played by Oscar Wilde.

And the Sugar Plum Fairy!

WHOOPS, OUR MISTAKE, THIS IS BILL THE LIZARD FROM ALICE IN WONDERLAND. SORRY.

...
...
The house is staring at me....

"My enemies approach! Quick, summon the other flying mon--er, geck--whatever the Hell you are!"

They bought a fly rig, and dammit they're going to use it!

QUIT LOOKING AT ME! GAAAAAAH!!

The Tin Cosmo Kraemer!

So, their plan is to flail around randomly until the Witch submits?

"Who told you you could go around trying to kill folks, young missy! Come here, I'm gonna learn you some manners!"

*whistles* Okay, break it up, time out! Let's try to figure out what the plot is before filming the scene next time, okay?

BY...UM...LOOK, SHE JUST DID, OKAY?

The poor witch thought her giant egg cup would protect her.

"Oh no, I'm cross-fading! Cross-faaaadiiiiing..."

"Well, that was easy! She didn't even get a chance to lock our cages!"

Was it just me, or did anyone else see the chorus from Yeoman of the Guard run in and back out real fast?

"Can we leave the donkey here? Please?"

"Nope, still can't read it. It's like a pharmacist's scrawl."

AND GET TWO FOR ONE DRINKS AT THE OZDUST LADIES' NIGHT!

"Welcome to the Cathedral of a Child's Drawing of the Sun..."

"I'm sorry, miss, only service pantomime animals allowed inside."

Oh, just turn the handle! No need to make a big production of your job.

"Welcome to the backdr--er, Emerald City!"

Just because you can have extras in every scene doesn't mean you should.

"Remember to take off your shoes, remove your laptops from their cases and have all liquids in a ziploc baggie..."

"That's it, Earl, I'm gonna take that transfer to Cair Paravel."

The intertitles were run through Babelfish a few times.

"Okay, people, just like we rehearsed! o/...Throw up your hands, stick out your tush...o/"

He hired those guys cheap off Dr. Terwilliger.

"Welcome, welcome! I shake you warmly by the hand!"

Wait, let me see...oh, here it is, chapter 20: The Lion humped the Wizard's leg enthusiastically. Go figure.

"Okay, we give up: what the FUCK does this proclamation say?"

"Now, you are eighteen, right?"
"There's been some confusion about that..."

"Are you kidding? That crown would totally clash with my parasol!"

He's brainless, malleable, and easily to defeat in an argument. The perfect politician!

"My first act: death to the crows!"

"Now I can chase my real dream: Broadway!"

"Buh-bye! Sorry about running the country into the ground!"

"Wow, he can do a stop trick with the camera! He really IS a wizard!"

"Sorry, I forgot my wallet. I'm really off this time!"

And the Christ Lutheran Bible School cast of Noah's Ark takes up the rear.

He's the Gerald Ford of Oz!

Ray Bolger he's not. Not even Ray Romano.

He preens his plumage for several hours.

"Come on, work! What do I pay you ten cents a day for?"

"Union? I'm going to have to call in the Winkie Strike Busters!"

o/...We work hard, but who's complaining? Thanks to the ILG we're paying our way!...o/

This is why you don't hire Rockettes in your factories.

o/...That's how we stick it to the Man in the merry old land of Oz!...o/

"I'll show them! It's the fire hose when they come back!"

And Buffy and Cordelia.

"Anyone want a cast member from Watership Down?"

"I can't stop it, it's caught in the rigging offscreen! Goodbye, folks!"

"Oh no, that was my hashish stash! Waaaaait!"

And Toto and the Lion went to San Francisco where they were free to express their love...

"Don't worry, Dorothy, I'm sure the Wizard wouldn't leave without thinking of--oh dear..."

"Watch this, I'm gonna brain her with a sandbag..."

Is he mixing Cream of Wheat in his hat?

"We're off to Rohan! Bye!"

"Well, we had to justify the camel rental somehow..."

You know, I've always thought Oz needed more offensive racial caricatures.

"Let's dance! That always seemed to work before!"

And Dorothy was taken back home by...oh, let's say, Moe.

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