Romeo and Juliet: Sealed With a Kiss Part 7

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"It'll be a great April Fool's gag!"

"Trust me, nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong with this plan!"

"Ew, it's got floaty bits!"

"It's got hints of blackberry and prophetic visions, you'll love it!"

CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

"Dude, I'm already getting high off the fumes!"

I think Phil Nibbelink may have a few issues with religion.

"Oh wait, that was my urine sample! Now where did I put the living death potion?"

What the--goddammit, don't tell me he survived!

"Reminds me of a lame joke, though..."

The ladies love a huge conch! (Sorry.)

The Lord of the Flies kids are going to need to borrow one of those.

And now, with the use of the Midsummer Night's Dream wedding march, this movie has officially shamed every single Shakespeare play.

"Lord Capulet, did you forget something?"
"What? Oh yeah, I'm supposed to escort the bride! My bad!"

*sigh* "He's as handsome as I dreamed him..."

"Yeah, yeah, make with the matrimony already."

"She's getting her flippers done for the occasion."

"Come on sweetheart, it's time for your sudden and completely undesired arranged marriage!"

"I mean it, you get married right now or no Playstation for a month!"

"She was like this when I found her, honest."

"Jin and Sun got killed off on Lost."

"Good news is, the limos you rented for the wedding can now be used for her funeral!"

"I didn't mean it about the Playstation!"

"Well, back to Match.com for me..."

"Does this mean there's not going to be cake?"

"Hey, this means I have a chance with Romeo!"

"Uh-oh, there may be one or two flaws in my overly convoluted plan..."

"She's not dead, she's pining for the fjords!"

This is why it's important to include your "in event of fake death" information in your living will.

"Eh, I'll just dump this anywhere..."

"Oh, if only otters could swim!"

Go after him? BRILLIANT!

"This isn't working! Oh, if only I could raise my voice to a decibel level that could be heard several yards away!"

"Eh, I tried."

"But nooo, I had to go into creepy voodoo potions instead!"

"Sorry, I skipped lunch today."

"Fish are friends, not food...you, on the other hand, are fair game."

Would you prefer a Jet instead?

"Oh, there's Romeo! How you doing, lad?"

Sweet, ol' Sharky's gonna score some tail!

"Which means we've already used it twice!"

Lampshading the lameness of your jokes does not make them any less lame.

So, "exile" means "a short swim from the beach."

"Come on, Romeo, I swam fifty yards to find you!"

"Did you bring me a latte?"

Wow, fifteen minutes and the isolation has already driven him mad.

"Well, she was rather peaceful last I saw her..."

"Yeah, about that...did you know the Capulets practice cremation?"

"Well, do suicide notes count?"

Last night? Isn't it still tonight?

"You...you're crying because you're happy for Juliet and me, right?"

SAY IT!

"Oh, and the universe is ending behind us, too."

"...But she'll get better, right?"

o/...There was a seal, a very strange and creepy seal...o/

"So, you think Rosaline's still single?"

"She thinks she can die on me, huh? I'll show HER!"

"...Call me?"

Here's a switch: a priest getting molested.

"I'm late for vespers!"

"You forgot your poison vial!"

What's his tail made out of? Titanium?

"Oh, I hope I didn't miss the Irish wake!"

"...Shoot, I forgot why I came up here!"

And...you couldn't have done this on Shark Island why, exactly?

"Why is he asking for Julienne fries?"

"Someone's calling for Gillian Anderson!"

"Juvie hen?"

"Jew event?"

"Keep it down, some of us have to migrate in the morning!"

Do me Ben?

Great, so the last fifteen minutes of the movie is going to be people screaming "Romeo!" and "Juliet!" over and over again.

Oh, the shark just wanted a bit of fiber! Must be irregular.

Special guest belcher Wakko Warner.

"My fur! That'll NEVER grow back!"

Um...Juliet?

"I'm sitting in something wet!"

"Do you mind? We're trying to mourn here."

.oO(Stupid Romeo, even I heard him bleating "Juliet!" over and over and I'm comatose!)

Whoa, and there goes the MPAA rating.

You Fail Biology Forever

What IS it with inappropriate rap numbers in cartoons?

I feel so dirty right now.

"Wha--dammit, I was trying to put the shark off his appetite!"

Wow, I almost miss Mercutio's wit.
Almost.

Maybe they shouldn't have built the entire reef out of paper mache.

FINALLY, some carnage!

If he ends up becoming Friar Laurence the White, I'm leaving.

Sic semper rapping cartoon animals.

"I'm going to give you SO much acid reflux!"

Dammit, doesn't anyone in this tragedy die?

I've always said, Shakespeare needs more chase scenes with sharks.

I understand that before he wrote the iconic "Duuuun-dun" theme, John Williams was planning on a peppy jazz motif for Jaws.

No. Get eaten and do the world a favor.

The hero of this movie is the shark, right?

Wonder if Romeo's gotten all of that "Juliet!"-ing out of his system yet...

Shark going in a smokestack...this is one of those metaphor things, isn't it?

Ah, just what this scene needed: another level of Hell.

"Um...you mind if I consider my options?"

Uh-oh, this is what got Friar Laurence in trouble with the law last time.

"I mean it, I'll sing again!"

Whoo, go shark!

Please oh please Lord, I'll never ask for anything again if you just let that thing get eaten...

"I'm going to give you such a smack!"

"Oh hey look, a swirly shell!"

That's what I've been saying for the past seventy-five minutes.

Ooooh, I'm going to enjoy this...

Oh dear God, it's got siblings!

Admit it, you've been waiting the entire movie to make that joke, haven't you?

Of course they aren't; they have to listen to you all day.

...
...
...
...

...I fucking hate this movie.

It's times like this that I have to believe there are exceptions to Rule 36, for my own sanity if nothing else.

So, all that, and nobody gets eaten. Okay fine, movie. Get bent.

Why not have it say "Show me the money" while you're at it?

If that thing ends up being the governor of California, I'm going to commit seppuku.

"It's gone, that's all that matters."

Cleopatra!--Wait, that's not it...

But Romeo swam all the way back to Shark Island in the interim, and even more hilarious hijinks ensue!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH, WHEREFORE MEANS WHY YOU SOUND LIKE A GODDAMN IDIOT WHEN YOU MISUSE IT LIKE THAT!!!!!!

Sorry, this movie is getting to me.

Are you with the corpse or the groom?

Romeo killed Juliet with his evil eye!

.oO(Hey, he didn't bring anything for the repast!)

.oO(There's something funny about the new acolyte...)

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