Charles Dickons [sic] "A Christmas Carol" Silent Film

34zAtFcuLKw

You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.

Wait, I wasn't finished reading that!

Something I've never understood about this story -- why is he clocking in at 6:25PM?

"What the hell did you do to my chair, you sick f***?!"

"It's always been like that."

"What, covered in bologna? Crocket, sometimes I think you're mentally unhinged."

"Cratchet, sir."

"Pardon, sir, I wonder if we could interest you in a tenor piece?"

"Oh, you do 'I Like Big Butts' and 'Papa Don't Preach'..."

"No, I'm sorry, good night."

"We also do 'I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper'!"

"No. Out."

"Bitch."

HIS NEPHEW BRINGS ALONG A COUPLE OF TEENAGE PROSTITUTES, BUT NO PART OF SCROOGE IS SWAYED BY THE GESTURE

"D'we still get paid, guv?"

SCROOGE DOES, HOWEVER, SNEAK A WELL-TIMED PEEK DOWN THEIR NEGLIGEES

"You're not gay, are you?"

"No!"

"Oh well, more for me..."

"Put those away! Strumpets."

"F*** are you going, Crumpet?"

"Cratchet, sir. Home."

"Lazy, lazy, Cricket."

"Didn't you get here ten minutes ago, sir?"

"Eh mon, you got any of de ganja?"

"Der ain't no jammin' in death, mon."

"I think you should become Stephen Douglas, like me."

Scrooge is taking the whole "ghost" thing rather well, on the whole.

"Are those... my commemorative plates?"

"The hell are you doing with my commemorative plates, man?"

"What, you just figured, I'm dead -- hell, I'll take his Arsenal commemorative plates?!"

"The hell is wrong with you, man?!"

"You're a sack of cheese-eating sh*t and you always were a-"

"The spirit warning has been terminated due to Terms of Haunting violations."

Just... sort of an omnibus Spirit of Christmas then?

"Remember this? This is the scene with your sister, that just about every version but the Muppets' cuts out."

*crash!*

"Wasn't that lame? Here's another..."

"Hurry up, the bland people are here!"

"Nice to meet you, I'm Mrs. bland-"
"Awfully bland to meet you-"
"You remember the blands-"
"Bland! How the bland are you-?"
"Bland meeting you here-"

"Everyone! Let's have an awfully bland time!"

"How's about a bland game-?"
"Oh, what a blandulous idea-!"

"Blandly now, everyone-"
"I think I've never had such a bland time-!"
"Bland 2 3, step 2 3-"
"Bland a bland to the bland bland bland-"

Easy there, Scrooge.

"Fresh horrors await!"

"Remember that time you forgot to give a thumble back to your mother?"

"What a little c*ntbag you were."

It could do all right, judging by that room.

"THOMAS EDISON! You have been called to see the wrongs of your ways this night."

"Couscous anyone?"

"To Ebenezer Scrooge! May he someday remember my name."

(They're not fighting. They're just having a loud, invectives-laden "discussion.")

"Fine, something more neutral then..."

"To lesbians!"

You okay here spirit? You need a breather, or...?

Oop! He pocketed it. Did you see that? It takes a skilled magician to pull that off.

"Hey, um... how much for your daughter, for the night?"

"What?"

"Your daughter. You know. How much?"

"SHE IS NOT FOR SALE! (Fifteen shillings. Twenty for special service.)"

"I can't afford that!"

"Well then. I guess it's another night of stereoscopic erotica for you."

"Stop adjusting yourself."

"Yes!"

"All my rock star fantasies come true!"

"And that concludes our program this evening. We hope you have found moral salvation. Good night."

Um... I...? My..?

First word... Sounds like...?

Ooh. Ghost shagged off before the end of her shift. Bosses are gonna chew her ass out for this one.

"Hi. I'm Maybel. I guess I have to finish this sh*t off. How far did Carol get with you?"

"That's your death. Did she get this far?"

"I need... an answer. Yea or nay?"

*sigh*
"Screw it. Here you go."

How did Woodstock get a job carving tombstones?

"No touchy."

"Lets burn this one down first."

Charles Dikon-San's
A KABUKI CAROL

"Shut up!"

*thump*

*thump*

*ka-thump ka-thump ka-thump*

*thump! thump! thump! thump!*

*thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa!*

*THAAAAAAAAAA-ump*

*thump*

"Actually, I'm going the same way. Let's split a carriage."

On the back:

Too bad you're not my business partner. SUCK IT! HA!
E. Scrooge.

"Oy luvs a man oow's loaded, Oy does!"

"Quick threesome, then on to Boob Clutchhitter's house!"

"Boy we're poor."

"We're so poor, aren't we?"

"Mommy! It's the man dad says molests children!"

"Crunket! Bluncket!"

"Cratchet, sir."

"Lunkhead, I won't stand for this ass-slap anymore!"

"What ass-slap, sir?"

"This ass slap! Ha!"

"Oh f***! You should have seen your face, Ratchet!"

"Batsh*t wants to brain me? HA!"

"But anyway, Crotchtit, I've got ghosts watching me so I'm going to raise your salary... a shilling a week. But you'll be paying more into your health plan."

"And here's a vulture I ran over on the way here. Enjoy."

Glitching! God bless us everyone, it's out of control!

Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com