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Chekhov's Gun engaged!
Oh, that must be from one of Siam's many volcanoes...
Yeah, unless Joe Don Baker goes after you.
"I LOVE the old suspension bridge cliche!"
"If the bridge is stable enough for me, surely it will hold an elephant!"
Movie OSHA demanded those ropes be frayed and about to snap.
One of the King's lesser known innovations--the themed water park!
The famous Orange Crush River of Siam.
Wait, so they just put up a death trap in the middle of nowhere? What, were they expecting Indiana Jones to drop by one day?
"It's only a bunch of rotten planks and decayed rope held up by a couple elephants, what could go wrong?"
Heh, the old holographic plank trick. Gets 'em every time.
"Somehow I always knew this was how I'd die--drowning in Tang."
Okay, who is he talking to?
"We're coming! Try to tread lava!"
"I knew putting in the random elephant thingie would come in handy one day!"
Somehow, I doubt cat power is the wave of the future...
"Hey, this is actually kind of fun!"
How can he see all that through a telescope? Is it a mini version of Evil Dude's gong?
Next on Jackass...
Roger Ebert was right: good movies rarely contain a hot air balloon.
"Your shirtlessness is not yet awesome enough for this task, my son."
"I've got it! Stare at a gong, rub my temples and overact embarrassingly!"
"I am SO leaving a hairball next to his bed tomorrow..."
"Oh yeah, you Siamese minx, take it all...um, I mean, no sign of them!"
I think the ink and paint guy was a Broncos fan.
"Wow, look at all that Gatorade..."
The Shrine of the Vomiting Elephant!
Why didn't they get the monkey to do this?
"Damn your breasts are firm, girl, no wonder my son's into you..."
"Good. Now Rama will prepare for us a pleasant brunch..."
"Why didn't someone tell me he had one of those..those...things?"
Hey, that voids the warranty, you know!
Unfortunately.
"God dammit, the monkey survived!"
"Gotta go, gotta go, please don't let there be a line..."
"I'm pretending I'm still actively involved in this plot!"
"Wait, this isn't right! Let me check the map by the food court..."
Eh, not like you could get through it with those hoopskirts anyway.
"Oh, I love the Fourth of July! Makes me feel like a little kid again!"
"I can't stop, I've forgotten how itAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!"
Oh, the inanity!
"The impact will still shatter every bone in your body, but there you go..."
"Crap, I forgot the Prince used to be a cliff diver at Casa Bonita!"
"Eh, I hate getting wet anyway."
Shouldn't have tried to fly through "Fantasmic!"
"Now to write naughty words with my sparkler!"
Well, so much for the sinister, dignified villain.
"See, he was already on fire when I shot him..."
Tragedy strikes the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta.
"Is he okay? Is there any way I can be totally useless?"
THIS is why we're not allowed to have the parachute in gym class anymore.
*snort* "Five more minutes, mom..."
Simba he ain't.
"Well, on the plus side he won't make me pedal the balloon anymore..."
Can we just skip to the point where he wakes up? Cause come on, if you didn't keep the sex slaves or the drowned lover you sure as hell aren't keeping the original ending...
"Don't worry, dear, I'm sure Angelina Jolie would love to adopt you..."
Aaaaand...his eyes open....nnnnow!
Oh get on with it!
"Damn, I thought I was done with this movie!"
If you're the Rodgers and Hammerstein Organization, the time was seventy-five minutes ago.
"Thank goodness for the G rating!"
Unfortunately, the balloon had been taken over by Armus...
"What a stupid name. I should have never let your mother insist on it."
"First, order me a better pillow--this thing's KILLING my lower back!"
What, they didn't know he was heir to the throne?
"Oh, are we still doing that running gag? Sorry."
"Well, my regal robes would be made of satin, not cotton, not chintz."
"I will distribute e-readers to the community!"
"The press will still be strictly controlled by the government, of course...we don't want people getting too many ideas."
"Instead, everyone will hop on one leg while saying, 'Boingy-boingy, your majesty!"
Great, it's spreading.
"Good. You will be my army of the night."
"And I choose Neil Patrick Harris!"
"Hey, that's MY scarf!"
"Of course I'm angry! Get the belt."
"Someday you too will have a giant egg roll for a headrest."
"You fuckin' dropped me in the water! I still can't believe you did that! I could have drowned!"
"Oh, who cares, as long as I get my Fancy Feast."
Dancing With the Royal Family
"Preferably hot crab artichoke dip--it's my favorite!"
Well, what do you expect after generations of inbreeding, anyway?
"Okay, forget it, we're going back to the kowtowing. AND you have to kiss my feet when you do it."
Wait, wait...so if you play kissyface with the prince, you get whipped to death, but treason and attempted regicide just gets you assigned to elephant dung detail? That's not barbaric, that's just bad priorities.
"Lots of free fertilizer!"
Well, at least THIS gag's almost over...
And he dies a slow painful death of malnutrition and starvation. So there's an upside to all this.
Oh that's nice--kid's movies need more poop jokes.
"Dammit, why is the movie still running? We've run out of things to do!"
o/....And it isn't mine at all!...o/
"Seriously, what do I gotta DO to get under those voluminous skirts of yours, anyway?"
"Actually, it's a very common name where I come from."
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