Thursday, October 7, 2010

Thumbelina, Part 2

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"I want to go where the people go... Oops, wrong song!"
.oO(God I hope she shuts up soon. My ears are very sensitive to high pitches.)
It's Prince Smarming!
"I'm going to get that Asian massage one day!"
Honey, with that shrill voice bats can hear you.
Why is she holding her skirt like that? Is she trying to flash the dog?
"Brrr, sudden breeze!"
See, she has wings behind her, it's totally foreshadowing OMG...
Even the illustration is vaguely weirded out by her.
"Naaaah, that would be too unrealistic."
o/...When you wish upon a star...o/
And next up on our list of soundtrack cliches, please welcome the Eerie Disembodied Choir!
Crap, we're in Fern Gully.
"Die, nature, DIE! MWA-HAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Did someone put Fantasia in and hit the fast-forward button?
I think you're dragging a muffler...
It's Queen Phyllis Diller and King Billy Connolly!
"Dear, the baby fell out again."
"...But that bitch Puck is wearing the same outfit as you.'
"Ah well, he's only our sole heir, no big deal."
"I mean we're fairies, for Oberon's sake, it's not like we're very macho to begin with..."
She has too much nose and not enough chin.
"I know dear, but thank you for that lovely bit of exposition for the audience."
So, even in the fairy kingdom they have overprotective Jewish mothers?
"Oh my love, I do find your nagging oh so charming..."
"I'm one thousand and forty-five, what do YOU think?"
I think his mom's right, actually. You just know he's going to crash that thing into a windowpane one of these days.
"Shame about the rest of her."
Breaking and entering--always a good way to break the ice.
Lucky for him she's severely myopic.
Is the camera giving them some personal space?
"I hope nobody's actually listening to me right now, otherwise they might think I'm mentally disturbed!"
"Nice codpiece, too."
Hey, that was a library book!
"*gasp* That's the worst pick-up line I've ever heard!"
"Sure I just popped into your bedroom brandishing a weapon, but I'm harmless, really!"
"What about the dagger poking out under your doublet?"
"I'm not carrying a...oh, um...awkward..."
"Well, you snuck into my room, but you're cute so I guess it's okay..."
So, he's sixteen and she's what, two months old now?


Ewwwww...
o/...Nothing--your hair in the moonlight...o/
Wait, he stalks her, he sparkles...oh crap, it's Twilight!
"An illustration!"
"Well, technically I'm three millimeters taller than you..."
No, no, let the tiny fey prince with the knitting needle fight the goofy old dog. This should be fun.
"Thumbelina? What idiot gave you THAT name?"
He makes Prince Edward in Enchanted look butch.
"Okay, your very forced improv has convinced me..."
"Well, good thing the dog has the brains and attention span of a goldfish..."
But is it really worth pirouetting over?
"Oh my God, I thought I was the only one with a silly name in the whole world!"
"If you're a doofus, I mean."
This will never work out. She'll always be using his hair product, he'll be getting runs in her best tights...
"He's really modest, too."
"I'm sure he'd love to get up in your biz-naz..."
Wow, usually to see body language this hyperactive I have to watch the Bakshi Lord of the Rings.
"Bumbles bounce, you know."
"You're not allergic, are you? There was an...unfortunate accident with my last girlfriend...
Yeah, forget about the cute sparkly guy with wings who just broke into your house, here's a bee!
"No, I meant would you like to do a sit 'n spin?"
"I wish I had a helmet, too. I don't want my tiny brains to splatter on the pavement if you roll this thing."
Tiny upskirt shot!
Why, hello random nightmare creatures!
And her neck snaps like Isadora Duncan's.
I hope Aladdin and Jasmine fly by and sideswipe them.
Let's see, what other Disney movies can we steal from? Oh right, Beauty and the Beast!
Are they part Jesus bug?
Special cameo by the Ugly Duckling.
"Especially if you desire a threesome. That would be cool."
"Well, I gotta get back to The Swan Princess, catch you two lovebirds later!"
"Bought this place off of Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater. What do you think?"
.oO(Can you read my mind?)
I think she's getting high on the fairy dust.
Oh God, I just contracted type 2 diabetes.
Whuh?
Did the movie just hit a tesseract?
You know what? I don't believe in fairies.
*Cornelius seizes up and falls, taking Thumbelina with him*
"Um, oops."
Wow,even plummeting to her death she doesn't miss a cue.
"Could you take a teeny tiny breath mint?"
Oh great, he's a redneck fairy.
"Um, could we sit somewhere where there isn't a frog drooling on me?"
"On second thought, I'm not in the mood for an amphibian commedia dell'arte show. Let's go somewhere else."
.o(Dude, nice breasts!)
It's a Peg Bundy frog!
"You sick freak! She's a mammal!"
"So, wanna come up for a tiny nightcap?"
"Thumbelina, you're not wearing any underwear! You naughty minx!"
Yeah, it's called a plot device.
"Huh?...oh, yeah. Really, I'll call you, babe."
Whoa! Even for a fairy tale, these two are moving fast!
"...Well, hardly ever."
"We were just golding the leaves!"
"Let's just say I'm wanted for murder."
Just wait, it'll take a few moments for that info to reach her brain.
It's not her fault, her brain's still operating on dial-up.
"It's only a day away."
"But you said he was handsome!"
"My mom needs someone besides me to criticize!"
Yeesh, it's just meeting his folks; it's not like they're going to publish the banns or anything...
"I had Mexican for lunch!"
"They'll find your dimwittedness charming!"
"Unless you get kidnapped by a frog or something, but what are the odds of THAT happeneing?"
Capped by The Diva

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