Thursday, September 30, 2010

Thumbelina, Part 1

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Don Bluth: A man who left Disney when they were making crappy movies and eventually wound up making even crappier ones!
Don Quixote really did a number on that thing, didn't he?
o/...Her name was Thumbie, she was a showgirl...o/
Visibility is really low on the film today.
Royalties for "Mandy" not paying what they used to, huh?
You're kidding; Barry Manilow was part of the team that created the "_" symbol?
o/...Morning in Paris, the city awakes to the bells of Notre Dame...o/
EuroDisney looks a lot different than I imagined.
Pomeroy? Isn't that one of those small long-haired dogs?
And now, the musical climax for the directors' credits!
I don't believe it, they actually animated the Paris Hilton sex tape!
Somewhere, there is an accordion player who got very rich playing the music for every single establishing shot of Paris ever.
Wow, it's like the opening travel shot for the CGI version of A Christmas Carol, only in Paris. And, you know, sucky.
"I want--everything I've ever seen in the movies!"
Where's my BB gun?
If I followed my heart, I'd be walking out on this movie right now.
It's the rare Joker bird!
"And ambiguously gay supporting character!"
"Swallow extraordinaire" doesn't refer to his species, but the fact, you're better off not knowing.
I bet he's widely considered to be a genius in France, too.
Uncle Deadly!
Ceci n'est pas une nice.
Really? Then why don't you try wrestling with a grizzly bear?
*rubs ear* Ouch...
Well, that makes one of us.
I miss the rapping dog.
How is he wearing gloves?
"Paint me like your French girls, Jack..."
I have mace.
Yeah, voulez-vous coucher avec moi, whatever.
She sold him out for a bag of silver, he committed suicide by pushing over a temple full of Philistines.
Killed themselves over a feud and poor mail delivery.
Good, that means it will be short.
Ah, the cheapest animated film opener you can buy at the cliche store.
o/...I wish, more than anything, more than the moon...o/
"Maybe I should have gotten married....naaaah..."
It's the medieval version of Planned Parenthood!
"What about artificial insemination, or adoption...?"
"Yeah, like THAT will work..."
"I need a better health plan."
"That winged bitch took me for a ride!"
When Georgia O'Keefe dreams.
She's sleeping inside a poppy. You figure it out.
"I should have been more specific..."
Through the magic of the G rating, she is born fully clothed!
"Well, that was rather easy. I don't know what the other mothers in the village were complaining about..."
"Gee, thanks. How about I call you Fat-Spinster-Cow-ilina, huh?"
*sigh* We're stuck with you for the entire movie, aren't we?
Well, I'll bet finding tampons in the right size is a bitch...
"So, do we have a song or are we just going to bob our heads to the vamp?"
Yeah, eight bars into this song and I want to drown myself too.
Animal Farm: The Musical!
Let me check...yep, ears are bleeding. Thanks.
Man, I could really go for a chicken dinner right now...or maybe beef stew or roast duck...
"Oh no, I suddenly forgot how to walk!"
If those are the three French hens, I hope she gave her true love a smack upside the head.
Her mom must've had a HELL of a time babyproofing the house...
Jazz wings!
The chicks hear their first meal.
...Hats? Is everyone in this universe born fully clothed?
o/...We fart in your direction, Thumbelinaaaaaa!...o/
Ah, just what this song needed, a wall of chicken ass.
"Knock it off, you guys, I'm trying to work here!"
"Huh, I THOUGHT this pie tasted a bit crunchy..."
"Please, can't I just do one chore without a shrill chorus?"
o/...And a headache so big...o/
Busby Berkley's fever dreams.
"Ouch, watch the hangnail!"
"In other words, not you."
Pluto's less successful cousin, Makemake.
"I hate sitting up here when you have sinus trouble; it's gross!"
"Well, I do have Warwick Davis' autobiography here..."
"Great, I broke my hip again."
"But what's a 'Smurf,' exactly?"
"You know, like you see on birds and insects EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY."
"They also have great dress sense and love the theater."
"No, just some strange lady with wings who gave me a magical seed that became a flower which gave birth to a miniscule human."
"Which is a sin against nature."
"But more often the prince ends up running off with a younger fairy with bigger wings."
Prince Funky Winkerbean
"But don't worry, dear; there's always Danny deVito..."
Cheer up, kid; there will be plenty of small creatures wanting to get under your tiny skirt for no particular reason soon enough.
"What about that nice Troyer boy?"
"Mrs. Baskin's little boy asked a fortune-telling machine for that, and she hasn't heard from him since..."
"Ambition is a waste of time, really."
"You can brood despondently all you want in your room."
"I swear, those singing chickens get shriller every week..."
"I'll get you a thimbleful of Nyquil."
"Don't let the bedbugs bite...seriously, at your size those buggers can take an arm off."
The next morning, Mother finds the book tipped over with a Thumbelina-sized smear on one of the illustrations.
"And I want to rub off to them!"
o/...Thumbelinaaaaaaaa! Now it's time to go to bed, Thumbelinaaaaaa!...o/
"I swear, I'm going to sell all of those crazy animals to the butcher!"
"Try not to use her as a chew toy this time."
Doesn't she have pajamas or anything? Or is she just stuck with the clothes she was born in?
"My house can make you soooo high..."
"Well, I gotta go, time for my song cue..."
Ah, it's that smash hit "Impossibly Vague I Want Song #63276."
o/...Somehow, some...thing or other...o/
o/...Could it be, yes it could! Something's coming, something good...o/
Don Bluth's The Lady From Shanghai

Capped by TheDiva

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