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"It is soaked in the blood of my enemies!"
No, please, no close-ups of it...
Look, YOU were on the sidelines cheering him, why didn't you say something before now?
"I get to slaughter innocents too? This day just keeps getting better and better!"
"Now go to your room and no more ice-throwing for a month!"
"Careful, lads, these waters are rumored to be the home of evil dog-octopus demons..."
So, that's your plan. Sink an entire cruise ship just to kill one guy, then make your escape on a minimally provisioned life raft while you hope none of the several people who can connect you to the crime make it out alive. I don't think you thought this out very well....
"Eh, it's not like we had sufficient lifeboats anyway. What's one more or less?"
"And try to get some video of it. We can go viral on YouTube with these morons!"
What exactly ARE those things, anyway? Every cartoon ship has them but I never quite knew what they were...
"Look, I can see into the dining room!...Ah shoot, they WOULD be serving the lobster tail tonight, wouldn't ya know?"
Special appearance by the opening credit music from The Final Sacrifice.
Now see, this is why you want to do routine maintenance on your cruise ship before a trans-continental voyage.
Of course, if they hadn't been aiming at the ONE ICEBERG IN THE OCEAN for the past ten minutes, this wouldn't have happened...
Ew, he's starting to melt!
They shouldn't have christened the rudder with a blood offering...
"The suspense is constipating me!"
Well, good job dolphins. Now instead of hitting the iceberg dead-on and minimizing the damage, the ship has taken a fatal blow along the side which will send most of its passengers to their icy deaths.
o/...Dear Liza, dear Liza...o/
Well, free snow cones for the passengers!
Oh no, not...um, that guy...
"Named characters and animals first!"
"Good thing we packed several days early and had our life vests already on!"
"Don't panic, there's room for you...oh, you all know that's a big lie, so go on, push and shove to survive!"
"Never mind, we don't want to be saved!"
Now is no time to do the Monty Python "Battle of Pearl Harbor" sketch!
And they get stepped on, the end.
"That earring makes you look like a pansy!"
"Gee, thanks, I wouldn't have been able to figure that out without your help..."
Oh, just have everybody stand on the other side of the ship to balance it out; it'll be fine...
o/...Walk like a ship captain...o/
"Except the men and most of the steerage passengers, there's room for everyone!"
"And I'm REALLY fucking stoned right now!"
"Very well, sir, I'll send an SOS to the world."
"Not even my impenetrable brogue can help!"
"Only Aquaman can save us!"
"Who knew that destroying our only means of communication would be the doom of us?"
"It's not our fault! The talking dolphins made us do it!"
Anyone catch any of that? I think his brogue just broke.
Isn't drowning in the middle of the north Atlantic punishment enough? It's not like a good flogging will make their situation much worse...
"And the plot of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End is convoluted enough as it is!"
"I give up, all these backgrounds look the same. It's like an old Doctor Who episode down here..."
"Everyone knows when there's a maritime emergency, you turn to the ship's cook!"
Just because it's a disaster doesn't mean it can't be fun!
"I threw up in my mouth a little!"
Next on Wipeout...
"No, I'm going to die on an hors d'oeuvres platter, the way I always wanted!"
They don't have a very good IT team on this ship...
Yeah, there's a lot of people with that problem these days...
"You mean a CQD?"
"Don't confuse the audience, Jones; anyone watching the talking dolphin movie isn't going to know jack about distress code history..."
"Don't confuse the audience, Jones; anyone watching the talking dolphin movie isn't going to know jack about distress code history..."
The wires are getting shorter just to spite them now...
"I know we're in a hurry, but I can't work the telegraph without listening to some Lady Gaga..."
Mice conduct electricity? I suppose after you've sold people on magic tear-talking dolphins, evil ex-convict sharks, and horrible dog-octopus demons, anything is possible...
"Hmm, the telegraph seems extra squeaky today..."
"Don't worry, Camembert, we'll have a full buffet at your service just like you would have wanted..."
"Wherefore are thou Camembert?"
Hey, West Side Story!
...Cause, they're sharks, you see, and...oh, come on, you try coming up with better jokes after this movie broke your brain!
Tentacles was kind of a bust, why don't you try calling on Shub-Niggurath instead?
No, you can stay there in the all-concealing shadows for the rest of the movie; don't move on our account, please...
Even sharks know not to antagonize a cephalopod with 'roid rage.
Maybe if his head wasn't so freakishly malformed, he could swim instead of running on the ocean floor...
"And believe me, the view of you from this angle is NOT pretty!"
"Thanks, buddy. I'll make your favorite sacrifice when this is over!"
"Fine, we'll just swim back in ten minutes!"
"My hat doubles as a distress flare!"
Oh, NOW we're worried about exposing the secret society of mice to the world, are we?
Oh yeah, like the men in this movie have been any better. This is the first film I've seen where the entire cast is The Load.
"Don't worry, people, we have some deck chairs you can rearrange while you're waiting!"
Okay, the water's deliberately chasing them now...
"But I'm far to British to ever show it, pip-pip and wot!"
"Good thing the water isn't actually soaking into our clothing..."
[Ahnuld voice] GET TO DAH LIFEBOATS! [/Ahnuld voice]
So wait, the Duke can understand the mice, too?...You know what, any explanation would just make the movie longer so I'm going to let it slide.
"If you'd told me we were going to be drowning people I'd never have agreed to sink a ship!"
"There should be a light rail station somewhere around here..."
"Screw this women and children crap, I'm outta here!"
"Help me, I'm looking for the Mad Men set!"
"Summon the Dark One!"
He looks like an ottoman with a tumor on top.
Gaaah, cutsey angry face!
*screams, ducks*
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