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"Come and get it, boys!"
SOMEONE skipped elocution class in finishing school...
Still, it can't be easy to carry on a conversation when your forearms are getting lacerated like that...
Did he just speak in tongues?
Back in those days that was the equivalent of grabbing a woman's boobs.
"Your mild buffonery is amusing!"
"You moron, you KNOW this thing throws off my depth perception!"
"Who's a cute little public menace? Yes you is!"
"And you REALLY like my leg, for some reason!"
"If you want to injure someone, go play with the bumbling henchman again!"
NO ONE will be seated during the thrilling glove removal!
"And you have hardly any fleas at all!"
"They call me MISTER Tibbs!"
"Bad dog! Who told you to initiate a Meet Cute?"
Somewhere a production of Les Mis is missing its Enjolras.
He's got it! TOUCHDOWN!!!
Is he the romantic lead or a serial killer?
"What's that, boy? The lack of sufficient lifeboats could spell death for us all?"
"Oh hey, the girl I told you to run off and harass! What are the odds?"
Wow, it's like the dance scene in West Side Story, only I want to poke my eyes out with a fork.
"You can fall in love with mysterious rogues later!"
"Or he might just be looking for a quick lay, it's hard to tell right now."
"If you were a TI calculator, maybe..."
"And your neck tablecloth must be stowed in your cabin."
"But we call him Steve."
The Titanic was on the Royal Caribbean line?
"THAT will teach you to do your job and enforce regulations!"
The Ugly American...uh, Gypsies, I guess.
The good guys, ladies and gentlemen.
"Two more months until retirement, two more months..."
What the--when did this become a Farrelly Brothers movie?
So, let's see: so far the male lead and his buddies have stolen a lady's glove, sniffed in a creepily fetishistic manner, pushed around a steward, and urinated on the same steward's boot. Nice crowd.
"But only after you defecate in it!"
Awww, what did the poor hat do?
Is this foreshadowing, or just padding?
"Bye-bye! Enjoy our soon-to-be-ironic joy as the ship pulls out of port!"
There's a hat jumping on a trampoline back there!
Steve Guttenberg and Bob Villa see them off!
They're all shouting, "Can I have your room?"
A crowd scene that says "We only had enough money to animate about 2/3rds of the arms."
Oh great, Newsies is starting.
Star Magazine: The Early Years
"There you are, Mister Frakes sir!"
"Little bastard marked out all the articles with a Sharpie!"
"Evil evil dark plot evil machinations evil evil..."
"Because evil opportunity only knocks once!"
"Hey hey, I'll be doing the evil laughing around here, thank you very much!"
"Well, okay. These three couples die and go to Heaven..."
"I thought I made myself clear at the captain's party, Jeffries..."
You mean apart from the fact he doesn't actually have the authority to do something like that?
"And by 'his money' I mean 'her sweet boobs'."
"You amuse me. I'll kill you last."
Geez, Voldemort thinks he should dial it back a little.
I think this is an alternate scene from The Social Network.
"Don't make me pose dramatically at you again!"
"Look boss, you can't expect me to keep both my plot points straight!"
"We'll need to do some work in your tubes later on."
There's the problem: they've got steel wool coming out of the smokestacks!
Are they sailing on asphalt?
Maybe they shouldn't have made the ship out of balsa wood.
Hey, I think the guy from the "Money For Nothing" video was down there...
Okay, who replaced the crew with cardboard cut-outs?
"I'll go obey your orders, even though you are quite obviously not Captain Edward J. Smith..."
"But what happened to your beard?"
"Oh shut the fuck up. I've been eating hardtack for three weeks straight."
"The comic relief section of the movie is about to start!"
Okay, no more caffeine for the cutesy animal characters.
"Lend me your ears!"
Tone it down! You could cut haggis with that accent!
"A birrrrrd in the had is worth two in the bush, and visitorrrs and fish stink after thrrrree days!"
So there's a subplot about mouse OSHA regulations?
The Titanic was done by cheap immigrant labor? Explains a lot, really.
Another cheese name? What do you want to bet there's a Jack Gruyere-Swiss on board?
"His dishes have very little plague in them!"
"Hold still, I haven't finished with the boring part yet!"
Fun fact: there were, in fact, no cats on the actual Titanic voyage. This was unfortunate because cats are considered to be good luck on ships, as well as useful for keeping the annoying talking rodent population down.
Ronnie has a death wish? He's REALLY going to enjoy this crossing...
"Or the kind that are so pampered and well-fed that they won't bother to chase us and will play no part in the movie at all."
Stella is voiced by Brittney of the Chipettes!
"I just wanted to ask you to never speak to me again. Bye!"
"Heh heh...say, isn't that Ronnie dangling over the ship's boiler right now?"
"Evil, party of two, right this way sir..."
Well, on the plus side the ship has an abundance of apple cider.
It's not easy to talk while kissing someone's hand. Try it sometime!
When's Leo going to come in to teach these stiffs a good time, huh?
"I understand you're evil, Mr. Maltravers. How's that working out for you?"
Does anyone else hear Katherine Jenkins warming up in the background?
"It's the finest of the leftovers thrown into the trash from here on out!"
"What about wacky schemes? Or zany hijinks? Can I do those?"
"And by that, I mean I don't want to lose out on sleeping with your sister."
"You'll have to take my word for it because we don't have the artistic skill to portray it."
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