Thursday, March 17, 2011

The King and I, Part 6

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"No really, I MEAN it this time, I'm really leaving, watch me go..."
"I don't think your 'extra credit' program is entirely orthodox..."
"Especially if you wear that thing with the tassels..."
"Everyone knows he prefers to play the necromancer class!"
Wait, wait...so Evil Dude's plan is to go from being a subordinate of the king of Siam to being a subordinate of the queen of England? Sounds like kind of a lateral move to me...
"Just an asshole."
"Except from Dr. Laura."
He's not going to start singing "Something Wonderful," is he? Cause I think that would finally break me...
"Princess Ying, we really need to work on your hide and seek skills."
"Be not alarmed, madam, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments..."
Oh, it's the Siamese version of The Miracle Worker.
"And give us some Rocky Road ice cream!"
Wow, the entire family needs remedial hide-and-seek...
Oh come on, she's not stupid enough to fall for the cutesy-wootsy act a second time, is she?
The closest thing in this movie to canon.
Well, I guess she really is that stupid. Color me surprised.
"Now go away, I'm teaching myself to read scribbles."
Wow, I can see why she's such a good educator.
That was just his great-grandfather's way of getting a blow job.
"Heh heh...humor him, he's crazy!"
"That's right, suck it bitch."
Groucho and Harpo did this routine much better.
Oh what next, are they going to install one of those police lineup backdrops?
"Fine, I'll take this hot stuff elsewhere."
THE END
...Or not.
It's always hard asking about someone's herpes testing.
"And Charlie Sheen got fired! Is so unfair!"
"Which is why I've invested in LoJack!"
"Well, that depends. Is it verified by Snopes?"
Hey Polonius, they can totally see you....
"Damn, my hands are cold!"
Villanova by 6?
"Did you hear that? It sounded like a laryngitic cat hiding behind the arras..."
"You will lose your head over your concubine's infidelity, then die for vaguely specified reasons!"
Good to know this whole learning about new cultures thing hasn't stopped her from being condescending towards people who don't speak her language.
"You're not going to make me wear a shirt, are you?"
"Excellent idea! Do you know if the British would prefer live scorpions or fried dog?"
"We're a patrol. It's what we do. Shirt-wearing freak..."
"Convert to Christianity and eradicate your rich and bountiful native culture!"
"They'll LOVE my baking soda volcano!"
As opposed to all those balls WITHOUT music and dancing, I guess.
"Thank you, your Royal Obviousness."
"After that my formal open-front vest has to go back to the rental place."
Is Tinkerbell flying by?
Bow-chicka bow-bow...
Hey, this is the opening to that Enigma song, right?
Beautiful prayer. Very heartfelt.
"Am I ripped or what?"
.oO(Well, at least they're not singing "Awesome God"...)
"Hey, this floor is a mess! When's the last time they cleaned in here, anyway?"
o/...And a frigid-ass bitch who won't let me tap that...o/
"Don't make me almost leave again!"
That tile's gotta be murder on his knees.
"--a new car!"
"Besides, I need my space. Bitch is cramping my style."
This would be a lot more meaningful if he didn't act so pissed off about it.
"I forgot to put on blush today!"
When does the liturgical dance start?
Daaaaamn, Anna got back!
"Look buddy, do you KNOW how hard it is to do this in a crinoline?"
Is this flirting, or abuse of power?
The supporting characters are quietly abandoning the film.
"Owww, Mastah Little have splinters in embarrassing place now..."
Even the foliage hates him!
Uh-oh, he pissed off Audrey II...
So first he lost a fight with a monkey, then a baby elephant, and now a plant. I'm guessing his next opponent will be pocket lint.
How did someone this low on the food chain get so fat?
"Help me, Santa Hanuman!"
Still, if there's one thing this movie does well, it's abuse fat Asian stereotypes.
Remember kids, it's okay to bully overweight ugly people, because they deserve it!
"Do you mind? I'm trying to make my look more obviously evil."
Okay, two words, sounds like...
"Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you, I love you!"
On the plus side, he's not talking.
Whoa, sudden ham attack!
He gave the pendant to Rose Tyler?
Ha-ha-ha...Hey, I know a fun game, it's called DIE IN A FIRE, YOU STUPID OFFENSIVE UNFUNNY SCRAPPY.
"I'll make my pad thai! They'll LOVE it!"
Oh please, like she's going to be so stupid as to wear the royal friggin' pendant while serving at a banquet where the King himself...
...What am I saying, of COURSE she's going to be that stupid.
"Midshipman, do you HAVE to play that song every time we pull into port?"
"Okay everybody, don't forget your boarding pass!"
"Like my jacket? I borrowed it from Harlequin."
"Thank you, your majesty, but I don't believe I can sustain a conversation on your virility for a significant amount of time..."
"Every animated heroine these days needs a cotton candy pink dress!"
"Oh shut up. This is the first time the entire movie you've had your shirt buttoned, you hypocrite!"
"If it weren't for the G rating, I'd do a motorboat!"


Capped by TheDiva
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