Thumbelina, Part 5

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Why are we watching Ralph Bakshi's fever dreams?

Critics everywhere react to the world premiere of Thumbelina.

Now see, this is how I think small animals would react to seeing a pink, nearly hairless biped in their midst.

"She only has two legs!"
"Wait, we all have only two legs!"
"Damn this anatomically incorrect character design!"

"I'm peer pressure's bitch!"

And that was the beginning of Thumbelina's humiliation fetish.

"But the toads liked me!"

"Nauseating cuteness AWAY!"

Great, maybe Gargamel will step on them.

...Or they could be eaten by a toad. Eaten is good.

Wow, now I know why they call it a frog in your throat.

"What? I'm just setting up the next plot point..."

"I hated the White Album!"

He can't eat them because he'll go into insulin shock.

"That's just a myth! Myth!"
"Yeth?"

Whoa, mood swing.

"This sounds like a job for Mark David Champan..."

Hey, how'd she get her dress back?

"*sniff* My first encounter with mockery has completely devastated my self-esteem..."

"Come here, tell Aunty Clownface all about it..."

"But mostly I'm emo."

"If it was Ringo, he really shouldn't be throwing stones."

"'Hey Jude' is overrated!"

"I don't know, I haven't spoken to him in twenty-four whole hours..."

Momentary self-image crisis averted.

Remember kids, it doesn't matter what people think of you!....Unless they're pretty. Then you'd better believe it matters.

"Yeah, once I toke up a bit..."

"I promise, but not until just before the contrived deus ex machina resolution, okay?"

.oO(Thank God for internal genitalia; I can sport major wood without her ever noticing!)

If the main characters can't stay awake through this plot, what hope do the rest of us have?

Tiny noose buds!

Just what we needed--another cute anthropomorphic woodland creature!

Bugs Bunny and Wile E Coyote's stunt doubles rehearse their next routine.

Ever since Disney refused to release Song of the South on video, this is the only job they've been able to get.

"Kind of running for my life here, do you mind?"

"Why, do you need a date?"

"I tried, but Titania won't return my calls..."

The Spastic Mr. Fox

"Sorry, I don't speak Latin."

Come on, he's right there, EAT HIM!

And he gets thrown headlong into Sleeping Beauty!

"Good thing this is a G-rated movie, or that might have actually drawn blood."

Thank you, mon capitaine évident.

Oh, he's just pinching it between his wing feathers.

Whew, there was almost a plot obstacle there.

Wow, silent but deadly.

"Autumn! That explains the colorful leaves, colder temperatures and shorter days!"

"...Eh, bugger that, I'm flying to Bermuda like a normal swallow."

Try taking off your helmet; your voice might actually carry then.

Why does Thumbelina even want wings? Half the characters who have them can never use them properly...

Wow, apparently the fairies have access to the magic of Scotchgard.

"You are summoned before the Cuteness Council! Your bee is below the acceptable limit of adorability!"

Maybe they're not bugs at all. Maybe they're the fairies' inbred Appalachian cousins.

I see he decided to conduct an extensive search for her in Hawaii.

"Go on and say it, I've already heard all the jokes."

"Santa Fe. She has relatives there."

"But my bee doesn't have anti-lock brakes!"

"How many more exes does she have? Who do I look like, Scott Pilgrim?"

"Thank you, Exposition Bugs!"

"And we need to cover our tomato plants!"

Ah, another music critic.

"My evil mustache is better than yours!"

Gee, imagine that.

Why is the frog wearing disco pants?

"Bacon-flavored toothpaste! People will love it!"

Really, any scene that involves a representation of Gilbert Gottfried getting beaten up is okay by me.

Do we HAVE to?

Great, now it's Tosca.

"Or if not, there's always eHarmony..."

"I'll do it! I'll nap the trap and set up the prince!"

In fact, don't talk at all, could you do that?

Why are they in cahoots now? Were they just not annoying enough on their own?

Please, PLEASE don't let them do a reprise of that "Let Me Be Your Wings" song...

I agree. Can we file a complaint with the MPAA?

They're a Stooge or two shy of a comedy routine.

"I'll be he'll enjoy it, in fact."

"Don't move; if he spots us we'll have to be in more scenes!"

Smart bear; he's just sleeping through the movie.

"Look buddy, if you're not the Berenstains calling with my residuals check I'm not interested."

So his plan is to just harass various preoccupied animals until he comes up with some directions?

"Go 'way; I just had to chase a blonde kid out of my house..."

Winston the Pooh, Winnie's bigger, meaner cousin.

"I should eat him, but I'll only get indigestion."

"What is wrong with everyone? Why do they not want to be bothered by an aggressively fey French swallow?"

The leaves are fiber-optic!

From fall to winter in ten minutes? Must be Colorado.

"Auntie Em, Auntie Em!"

He's flying Puma-Man style!

Jack Frost is back--and this time, it's PERSONAL!

"Easy for you to say, I should be back at the hive keeping warm, not freezing my thorax off out here!"

Figures, give some people an all-wheel drive bee and they think they can ignore basic road safety.

Ooh, bad time to find out your helmet doesn't road test well.

.oO(Hey, what's that sword doing down here?)

And he died with a "Huh, what?" expression frozen on his face.

"No, my cruise souvenir!"

"Hey boss, are you familiar with Alferd Packer?"

.oO(That's it! We'll get a huge chunk of ice and bludgeon him with it--that'll shut him up!)

"You sure? Get him to sing a few bars of 'Purple Rain'!"

Maybe God just wanted you to stop yammering.

This is why you don't want to pay Gilbert Gottfried by the word.

That's it, take him to the nearest cliff and PUSH HIM OVER!

I wouldn't go in there; chances are there's a coatimundi voiced by Harvey Fierstein who thinks she's hot for some reason.

Our heroine--a girl who can't run ten yards without tripping over her own two feet!

Damn, is EVERYONE in this movie coated with Teflon?

Nah, the owner of that place has so many children she wouldn't know what to do with you.

Too bad the Weasleys are going to come by later and use her shelter for a Portkey.

Capped by TheDiva
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