Titanic: The Animated Movie (Part 2)

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"So long, thanks for all the fish!"

"Yeah, really tragic. So, physical comedy, then?"

"We have more than enough plague to go around!"

Garfield and the Taco Bell Chihuahua in their wackiest adventure yet!

Damn, he survived.

???!!!!

This is nice; most films on the Titanic leave out the rapping dog.

The Speedy Gonzales Combo!

Oh, I can think of a few things I'd like to bust right now...

Music rejected by an anti-drug PSA.

Meanwhile, in another cartoon entirely...

Potatoes are what we trip on!

Comic collision in three, two...

"Yo quiero emergency room."

When's that iceberg supposed to get here?

"Who are we again?"

The Once-ler approves!

Yeesh, this makes the Bakshi Lord of the Rings look like Fantasia!

Umm, what time is it again?
Miller?
Daylight Savings?
Amok?
Of Cholera?

QUIT LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!! GAAAAAAH!

"We're in 1980s LA, what are we doing here?"

Okay, it's Party Time, you've made your point already!

Sorry for that, folks; we don't know what the Hell it was about either. There were some good drugs going around the studio that day.

Susan Sto Hellit did NOT age well.

Hey, YOU'RE the one who hired them to be pickpockets; shouldn't you have checked their references first?

"It's not my fault I was born with flippers!"

"My pocket knife to stab you with, why?"

"And look, here's a shiny quarter behind your ear!"

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

It's like the Marx Brothers, only I want to kill myself.

"Yo quiero black coffee and cold shower."

She looks like the Joker's great-great-grandmother.

Professional WHAT, we won't say...

Shouldn't the steward have come by and bugged them for a tip by now?

Set up pratfall, and...

...wait for iiiiiiit...

...any minute now...

...pratfall GO!

Her dog's Johnny Cash?

Looks like the love child of Lady and the Tramp.

The fabulous CGI Cruise Line!

"Now please shut the fuck up."

"I mean, what are the odds that she's on this very ship and we'll be reunited in a contrived manner, anyway?"

"Anything could happen: long-lost daughters, icebergs, death in a watery grave..."

"Now I am off to woo women and surrender to Germany. Because I am very French, you know."

Ah, smell that sea smarm...

Kathy Bates!

"Sorry lady, one tripping gag per day is my limit."

"What do you want from me? I eat my own filth!"

"Fine, I'll just be snooty someplace else then..."

He just hates the French on general principle.

"Shit, it's the rapping dog. Act like you don't see him!"

Oh, like YOU'RE one to talk...

What about the mouse mariachi group?

"They're putting me down tomorrow."

"...by exploiting bad editing!"

Even her double chin?

Oh yeah, this is all on a boat, in case you've forgotten...

TSA must have confiscated her sewing scissors.

"I'm sure it'll turn up as a plot point later on."

They're about a stealthy as a circus parade.

"WHOA! Sorry, wrong room! Please, don't get up...it must have taken you forever to get into that position to begin with..."

A light-activated bell!

Are they going to tell ghost stories next?

The Keystone Cops had more dignity than this...

Whoops, ran out of stock animation.

Robbie Rotten's cleverest disguise yet!

"Quit looking at our butts!"

"Huh, the guy at the joke shop SWORE this disguise would work..."

She has a flowerpot full of clothes!

Aaaaand, the Meet Cute (TM), right on schedule.

*gasp* "He's just like me, only male!"

"I love a woman who can wear a pup tent well."

"Which you would have realized if you had the reasoning ability of a ferret."

o/...Laundry day, see you there...o/

"Want to go stand on the prow and yell about being king of the world?"

"I touched her underthings. It MUST be love!"

They're setting up for another pointless musical sequence...

"Who put Rapper McGruff in charge, anyway?"

Thanks, that narrows it down.

"Yyyyep, this looks like the eternal void."

Mario and Luigi should be down here somewhere...

Uh-oh, everyone in steerage flushed at the same time!

Ha-ha, he almost drowned! I'm sure it'll be even funnier later on.

Did we ever even find out who this is?

That is one long-lasting birthday candle.

And he plummets to his death. The End.

Or not. Damn.

Looks kind of like the rodent version of Dopey.

o/...Les poissons, les poissons...o/

"No, wait, I just want to be a gourmet chef!"

I'll bet the rats from The Muppets Take Manhattan could have this place going in a jiffy.

"Help, I'm having hot flashes!"

In a jar, no less.

"Wait, is 'inflammable' the same as 'flammable'?"

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Theta Healing

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Cloying intro, take 1...

Hi Anne. Did you smash a robot cop?

Dr. Coe Dotukae?

I thought the Scientologists healed you of your thetans.

"Aren't you a nice big pair of pants..."

"...shaving..."

So a good set of nonspecific, psychosomatic symptoms then. Good...

"Can you remember anything prior to waking and baking this morning?"

"Pass! Next category."

Running Northern Rock?

"So you're a loser, basically..."

"Come out of" could mean a lot of things.

Funny. He doesn't sound American.

Join the f***ing club.

THE HELL?!

Was it a ventriloquists' shop?

"In no way could the placebo effect produce the same results."

"Stoned?"

*rimshot*

"Despite the fact that you had no real responsibility at work?"

"...as if under a randy middle-aged woman..."

"I see that your love line is especially- I, I mean..."

Huh?

"Could you do it again, but sexier?"

"You're a naughty boy, aren't you?"

"...what I just felt."

"Lets put that in a package and mail it to Who Gives a F*ck."

That was an odd cut.

+ DANGER WILL GETSTONED! +

+DANGER WILL GETSTONED!+

+ DANGER WILL GETSTONED! +

+DANGER WILL GETSTONED!+

+ DANGER WILL GETSTONED! +

+DANGER WILL GETSTONED!+

+ DANGER WILL GETSTONED! +

Certainly not six inches north of there.

Another cut. Were they busting up laughing every 45 seconds?

"...at a Phish concert."

*wets her lips*

"I've almost come."

Should I have brought a book?

I guess I'll do some Mad Libs...


Ah, but she was the queer old _________ anyhow, Anna Livia, trinkettoes! And sure he was the _________ old buntz too, Dear Dirty Dumpling, foostherfather of fingalls and _________. Gammer and gaffer we're all _________.

I guess I'll do some Mad Libs...


Ah, but she was the queer old ___butt__ anyhow, Anna Livia, trinkettoes! And sure he was the _________ old buntz too, Dear Dirty Dumpling, foostherfather of fingalls and _________. Gammer and gaffer we're all _________.

I guess I'll do some Mad Libs...


Ah, but she was the queer old ___butt__ anyhow, Anna Livia, trinkettoes! And sure he was the __bottom_ old buntz too, Dear Dirty Dumpling, foostherfather of fingalls and _________. Gammer and gaffer we're all _________.

I guess I'll do some Mad Libs...


Ah, but she was the queer old ___butt__ anyhow, Anna Livia, trinkettoes! And sure he was the __bottom_ old buntz too, Dear Dirty Dumpling, foostherfather of fingalls and _buttman_. Gammer and gaffer we're all _________.

I guess I'll do some Mad Libs...


Ah, but she was the queer old ___butt__ anyhow, Anna Livia, trinkettoes! And sure he was the __bottom_ old buntz too, Dear Dirty Dumpling, foostherfather of fingalls and _buttman_. Gammer and gaffer we're all _cheesed_.

I guess I'll do some Mad Libs...


Ah, but she was the queer old ___butt__ anyhow, Anna Livia, trinkettoes! And sure he was the __bottom_ old buntz too, Dear Dirty Dumpling, foostherfather of fingalls and _buttman_. Gammer and gaffer we're all _cheesed_.

Wait, are they done?

You child of _________, Kinsella's Lilith! Now who has been _________ the leg of her _________ on her? Which leg is it? The one with the _________ on it. Rinse them out and aston along with you!

You child of ___butt__, Kinsella's Lilith! Now who has been _________ the leg of her _________ on her? Which leg is it? The one with the _________ on it. Rinse them out and aston along with you!

Is the test going to be as vague and unverifiable as the "treatment?"

"...physically, mentally and sexually free..."

Nuzzle test?

"...like a right git about now."

Ew, what did they do during those cuts?

WE'VE WITNESSED A MIRACLE TODAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

"...bagging groceries."

Sort of a spiritual Mentos ad.

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The Wizard of Oz (1933)

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God it pisses me off when people caption their own videos.

(Had you been reading the text above the grey box, you would have been bored and irritated too.)

I prefer my films in fully archival bubblegun card format, thank you very much.

He's a wonderful god?

(In the days before Wikipedia, people could be awarded entire posthumous generalships based on a misheard syllable.)

Hard to imagine how negro music could have taken the country by storm with jams like that floating around.

Dorothy, your, um... are showing...

"Throw this set of hex wrenches for me!"

Much better. Thank you!

No! Dammit.

(This sucks. I wonder what Emma Goldman's up to?)Oo.

Senator?

"Palpatine! Brutus! Cunningham! It's a twister!"

Hey, it took out the fence twice.

"I'm tasting the rainbow!"

"How come I'm not in color now!?"

Oh dear god.

"What am I feeling?"

"Why, that's just my turkey in the straw, little lady."

"Are... are you okay? Can glimpsing my panties help in any way?"

Man! Now how is he going to steal immortality from those who have returned to revenge his wrongs?

It won't last.

You were doing this at home!

Whore.

*crack*

"Oh god, my head! My f***ing head!"

"A piece of outsider art!"

"Oh, I simply must have it."

"Hand me your bolt cutters."

And Toto survives another assassination attempt.

Eh! That's crotch straw.

"I always knew you were stuffing, Scarecrow."

Yes, the horrible munchkins had left the Tin Man to rust within sight of the Emerald City -- perhaps as a warning to others.

Even the frame wants to see the wizard.

Oh god, bendyneck animation...

That was mercifully brief.

But now on to more animals doing it.

"Our corrupted eyes see through all blinds, children."

"Oh yes! Oh god yes! Shove that thoraxial spur in, you f***ing wasp!

"That on was still in your cooch!"

"What a horrible spectacle."

"What's that, Toto? Timmy the munchkin fell down a posthole?"

"IDs out, please."

Welcome. Please enjoy this sin against nature.

"Actually, it's spelled -I-E."

"How many centipede dogs do you think we have?"

Yay! It's Edwin Meese.

(Too sexy for my brass... Oh yeah you want this ass...)Oo.

I guess I don't remember the Flintstonian use of crows in the books.

"Throw them on the pyre to appease the Wizard! Hooray!"

Please god make it stop.

"I'm a horse of a different sanity."

"Why are we cheering these people again?"

"I totally hit that first!"

(That's what he thinks!)Oo.

"Since your fat ass fell out midair, the house missed my sister by a hundred yards! Hooray!"

The Wizard is defended by some effed up sh*t.

Do they do this for everyone who happens into the city, or just the real freaks?

If we have to endure this much Dorothy pantie, can they at least be Judy Garland's?

(PERSPECTIVE)

Wow, the original wizard couldn't disappear for a frame.

"Fresh meat! The hunger of the void is never sated."

The all-powerful wizard doesn't even have a matching set of chairs?

"Don't mind the electrical humming -- sit!"

= Comedy

So less a Wonderful Wizard than a Bar Mitzvah Magician.

...and they somehow find a way to turn it into crotches.

"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"

"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"

How is this mathematically possible?

If not for the heroic work of the WPA, American humor to this day might consist of little more than balloon people and buffalo shots.

The theory of Quantum Chromodynamics, ladies and gentlemen.

If ever oh ever a wizz there was, this is not it.

"Now fer the good schtuff!

.oO(Antifreeze!)

Well, good thing that went nowhere.

I knew evolution couldn't explain the Wuzzles.

So far I'm counting an orgy between a chicken, a giraffe, a gorilla, a stork, an elephant, a lion and a dragon.

Just eat that chicken -- it's genetically diseased, and it's goddamn insane.

"Toto! Why do you have to ruin all of my dates?"

"Wainscoting!"

You know what? Next time Toto waits in the car.

TIN MAN
STR: 8 / DEX: 5 / HRT: 0
CAN EQUIP: MELE
BONUS: AX +5
WEAKNESS: RUST

A thought he already broke his ax.

We've got a minute left -- shouldn't a plot have developed by now?

Even the Wizard wears grannie panties in this. What is he, Mormon?

All around the mulberry bush/
The honkies chased the beagle...

.oO(I lost them! Part one of my fiendish plan is complete.)

SCARECROW
STR: 2 / DEX: 7 / BRN: 0
NO MELE DAMAGE
WEAKNESS: FIRE
BONUS WITH: TIN MAN, MRS KING

...and that's where babies come from.

*Toto pounces and snaps its neck*

Did the explosion kill her other disease-spawned children?

Who's rocking the shell?

It is?

What is this, the manga version? That's the inside cover!

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