Get to Know the Features of Your Fijit Friend

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Fidge what?

This is strictly policed.

But it'll feel wrong somehow.

Dealing smack, joining the Moonies...

1. I'm concerned about your drinking.

Ew! Not like that!

HAVEN'S OFF!

WAITER WANNA DO NAIL

I beg your pardon?!

LIFE-THREATENINGLY important.

She just doesn't care.

APPARENTLY, THE HITLER YOUTH

Fidget Friend is basically your grandma.

Smile warily...

1. Ooh it's so big.
2. I wore your present today.
3. No, I don't mind anal.

BUY ME WITH DRINKS

If it's talking nonsense, slap it.

"Mild."

"SHUT IT, TRICK!"

"MOOOOOOM!"

GOOD | EVIL

GOOD | EVIL

DAN? YOUR MOM'S BOYFREIND?

CAN'T YOU TRIP LIKE I DO!

Much better than you will, in fact.

She only has that one CD.

WHAT HAS A POOLSKIMMER AND IS PORKING YOUR MOM?

*reaches for the claw hammer*

Which will be shortly.

I WANT MORE LIFE F...

Who bought her a SNUFF tee shirt?

↑                              
EYES                              

Just like your uncle.

OW! OW OW!

You wouldn't want her to go accidentally into "chirp" mode after all.

MAIM! DESTROY! KILL!

They're all laughing at you
Down, not across
He'd love you if you put out

Condescending, borderline...

If this is your daughter's best friend, you have failed as an organism.

Capped by Space Toast
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