Thursday, November 17, 2011

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic - Episode 1: Friendship is Magic (Part 1) Captioned

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...in a galaxy far far away.
And considering this meant they had to rotate the planet that's actually pretty impressive.
She decided to make nocturnalism mandatory, anyone not awake at night would be executed.
So now it's Rock-A-Doodle with ponies.
With their powers combined they summoned Equestria's greatest champion, Captain Planet.
"You're not going to start making vampire jokes about me are you?"
"Nerd!"
"Man if only we had the internet in this world, I could easily look it up on Wikipedia."
Well they've got to compensate for the lack of hands somehow.
See also: McGuffin/Plot Device, Chekhov's Gun, contrast 'Deus Ex Machina'.
And now you've just broken her spine, well done Spike.
"What you mean that one episode of Thunderbirds where they get stuck on a mono-rail and..."
"No Spike!"

FORESHADOWING!
And those two words are suddenly cool again.
That must be really unpleasant!
"Try some dusty new books instead."
"In order to subtly ensure the defeat of your first villain."
You haven't read the script for episode two have you Twilight.
"This one is the most popular character in the show, at least make freinds with her."
"I'm a pony in a cowboy hat, what could possibly be more awesome then that?"
"I hope you don't mind if I apply the blur filter to your right foreleg."
"The apple family is almost as large as the cast of Bleach."
And now for the only members of the family that'll actually matter...
Was she always called that, even when she was young?
Mother Nature went "Sod it" a long time ago and left the pony population to deal with the weather themselves.
It wasn't that funny!
"How'd you guess?"
"No, just 'a' Wonderbolts, didn't you hear they come in six-packs."
And thus we have an instant videogame level.
"I am Rainbow Dash, and I am awesome!"
And how does she know it doesn't normally look like that?
You wouldn't want to go to Canterlot, it is a silly place.
.oO And I thought I had trouble socialising!
"And please don't let the first impression fool you, I can be kinda badass when I need to be."
"Well that was the most awkward moment of my life."
Says the talking pony.
"So what were you saying about crazy ponies?"
"This means I have to socialise doesn't it."
And fans are too busy looking at a background pony to pay attention to this scene.
Rapidash?
I know how you feel Twilight.
So do ponies just not know what 'showing up late' is?
"Uh...line."
And after that dramatic cliffhanger here's some happy cheerful music.

Episode 2: Just a Spider

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"On day I'll learn not to do that."
"I'm sorry, but if you can't pay the rent you can't stay."
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of spiders? The Shadow knows.
And you just killed the title character.
I see the kid has turned evil now.
"Hey kid, what do you think of my website?"
"At least you understand me twin brother."
How long was the kid waiting under there to do that, and how did he know the spider was in position for the trap to be sprung?
It's the spiders ghost!
Seriously, the kid's just being a bully now!
And unfortunately they don't make spider sized razors
How did he manage to get over his arachnophobia from the first episode?
(Jaws theme plays)
I never thought I'd see a spider doing puppy dog eyes!
"DIE!"
"I'll get you next time spider... next time."

Friday, November 4, 2011

Legend of the Titanic, Part 9

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"Quickly, to the impossibly contrived fairy-tale ending!"
.oO(I don't know why they're following me, I'm just as lost as they are!)
"We're going nowhere, but dammit we'll get there on time!"
Didn't your mom ever tell you that's a good way to lose a limb?
That's nice--what exactly did you do again?
The Green Goblin's going to dangle a bus full of kids from here later...
"Damn rush hour traffic!"
"Well, that was our honeymoon. What did you think?"
The score valiantly keeps up its attempt to convince us this is epic.
A 21-blowhole salute!
"Yeah, that's right, we can fly too. Now who's the dominant species, you glorified monkeys?"
They later migrated south and founded Marineland of Florida.
"You will all now worship at my unholy altar!"
Um...yay?
"Sorry, but the price for saving the ship is that I get to feast on your still-beating hearts. No hard feelings."
"Mmm, needs marinara sauce."
.oO(I'll say whatever it takes to keep this hellbeast from devouring me...)
"I owe it all to Satan."
....What?
It's a dumb kid's movie--nothing is impossible just so long as we don't have to confront children with the unpleasant truth of inevitable mortality!
"Later, later...."
The NES Combo!
It's like the end of Mamma Mia!, only I feel an even stronger urge to poke my eardrums and eyes out.
Amazing how the papers of the day completely glossed over the spontaneous marine show in the New York Harbor...
Tentacles just killed ten people with his random flailing around, but hey, at least he's having a good time!
"How come the cheap bastard never sent us a Christmas card?"
"Plus he forged his visa."
Isn't "famous soccer coach" an oxymoron?
Sure, let's go with that.
"Fortunately we have Captain Planet on our side!"
"Hey, don't interrupt while I'm haranguing!"
"Is it true you wound up in Atlantis in an even dumber movie than this one?"
Wait, you're saying this entire story might have been lies dreamed up by a deranged, aging mind? That...makes sense, actually.
"I still have no idea when, why, or how I supposedly fell in love with you."
Hurry, let's sneak out before the movie thinks of something else to do!
So the last two minutes of the film is a pan out?
Oh, I see, it's like bookends. Pointless, self-indulgent bookends.
"Wait, wait, where are you going? Don't you want to hear what happened next?
No, Kim is NOT.
This movie isn't in Spain, it's in agony!
John's got a nice mezzo-soprano voice here.
Wow, the entire EU pitched in on this abortion...
Their names have been changed to protect their identities.
o/...This movie didn't make sense to me either....o/
Injured in an accident? Call the law offices of Balnarves, Cheetman, and Davidsen...
Spider-Man was involved in this movie? What till Jameson hears of this...
Wait, costume designers on an animated movie?
So after being dragged to Hell, Don Juan was forced to star in this movie? Makes sense.
Be happy, Kander and Ebb. At least nobody's done a goofy animated version of Cabaret...yet.
Whatever you do, do NOT ask Sean about the family recipe for meat pies.
Yes, it's a crappy movie, but it's crappy in surround sound!
So, um, we can go now? Please?
Look, lady, could you wrap it up? We ran out of credits!
Listen, I'm just going to head on out. Turn the lights off when you're done, okay?


Capped by TheDiva
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