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It's Sid Davis and His Swingin' Band!
Boys are icky!
I know what you're thinking, men, but don't get your hopes up: there's no evil lesbians seducing innocent young girls in this film. Sorry.
Part of Inglewood City in the county of Ingle--look, will you just make with the scare tactics, already?
Norma Neufner, Policewoman! This fall on USA!
She doesn't get a badge or uniform or anything; those are for the real cops.
Since this is the 1950s, my duties are limited to answering the phone, getting coffee, and being available for quickies at the department Christmas party.
"We'll get to your daughter in a second, but first: how many tickets will you be purchasing for the Policeman's Ball this year?"
"My business card collection is now complete!"
Maybe she should socialize with people other than her parents.
Her ad read: Young, gullible teen available for rape and possible murder and body dump. References available on request.
She's dressed like an Italian restaurant!
Patty Duke in The Lovely Bones!
"Let's see...yes, I do believe I'd be able to fit in a crawl space that size..."
The vibraphone really heightens the sense of impending danger in this scene.
Hey, that's the same bowtie-wearing serial killer from "Boys Beware"! Dude sure gets around!
Dear Mom, getting dismembered, Suzie can have my radio and best sweater. Love, Judy.
That's a lovely mothball bracelet she has on.
The darker and edgier sequel to "Dial Comes to Town."
NO ONE will be seated during the thrilling phone dialing scene!
"Ahoy-hoy?"
"Wait, let me check--honey, what's the name of the girl on the sacrificial altar?"
"It's been three weeks; I'm starting to think something might be wrong..."
"Either this phone is dead or my watch has stopped."
Wow, that is the Mount Kilimanjaro of widow's peaks she's got right there.
"Okay, back to my article on Mamie Eisenhower..."
ARE YOU MY MUMMY ARE YOU MY MUMMY ARE YOU MY MUMMY ARE YOU MY MUMMY ARE YOU MY MUMMY ARE YOU MY MUMMY ARE YOU MY MUMMY
So she was found in a CSI opening scene?
I can never decide what dress to wear...
"Your daughter is no more! She has ceased to be! She has expired and gone to meet her maker! She's a stiff! Bereft of life, she rests in peace. If we hadn't found her abandoned by the highway, she'd be pushing up the daisies!"
"I'm very sorry, but this is why God doesn't want women working outside the home..."
"It's all my fault! I let her take that Red Cross babysitting course!"
I don't think anyone under the age of fifty who wears their hair like that is capable of good judgment.
"Candygram."
"Can I borrow a cup of rape?"
"Well, I'm sure you're a nice person and all, but you look a little too ethnic to be trusted..."
"Yes, Suzie Jenkins down the street would be dumb enough to fall for this trick--and you didn't hear it from me, but chances are the tramp won't scream too much when you mount her..."
"Crap, those robots in the front row are back..."
They look so bored and joyless; must be watching a Tim Allen movie.
They're both lost in their own private Tab Hunter fantasies.
Back before cell phones, jerks were forced to annoy fellow moviegoers by speaking directly to them.
Especially when all of you get tossed out for disruptive conduct.
"Hey, down in front!"
"Find sexual assault victims on your own time!"
"Find sexual assault victims on your own time!"
"Why sure, I love tossed salad! I believe eating greens is very important..."
That popcorn cost them seven bucks.
"Come on, Liz, I want to meet this guy Sanchez he keeps talking about!"
Hayley Mills will just have to get violated another day.
"We'd better go inside, there's only five more trailers before the feature starts..."
"What happened to Janet Leigh? I stepped out for a bit..."
"I'm sure we can share a victim, right Bobby?"
"Go on, lie and endanger me! If you're my best friend you'll do it!"
They hired a movie theater full of extras, and dammit EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM is getting camera time!
"Great! Now we can go to that place where they pack fudge!"
The poor girl didn't head the Rock Guitar of Doom on the soundtrack.
Well, you know what they say about men and directions...
The Plan Nine From Outer Space dirt road is a major makeout spot in these parts.
"I don't understand, how are we going to get a sandwich all the way out here?"
No, not kissing! I bet they use tongue and everything!
Why do the parents always wait until midnight exactly to call the cops? Is there tax reasons?
Good thing she sleeps with the phone beside her.
It's the 1950s version of Spring Awakening.
"Now of course your harlot daughter will have to be stoned to death; we can arrange a nice private ceremony if you like..."
Oooh, they have fish-shrimp! Maybe they have some chicken-pork as well!
This Good Times off of I-70.
So...he was going to college?
So he stalked Reese Whitherspoon.
1970s hair of the 1950s!
"Thanks--put it on my tab."
"You a spitter or swallower, Mary?"
But not movie stars in cars. That would be too much for a first date.
"Great! I'll go get my Edsel..."
This could be the beginning of a beautiful domestic abuse.
"What do you think of my house?"
The music is mocking her impending assault.
"And over there is where I hid the body of my last girlfriend--but enough about me..."
o/...No one's quick as Bob, no one's slick as Bob...o/
--or any boy, for that matter.
"Bye! I'll let you know if I find my hymen!"
"And we're going to register at Macy's, and you should see the china pattern I've picked out..."
"Go get me a malt, woman!"
Wow, a guy who turned down a threesome? There's something you don't see everyday.
Date Rape Alley is busy on Fridays.
"Come on, I want to ride the see-saw!"
Does his passenger door just not work?
But since we're still under the Hays Code, we can't tell you any more about that...
How demanding can he be? They're in a public park! There's a big family reunion going on just offscreen!
"Tum-te-tum, nothing to see here kids..."
"I left my keys in Bob's car."
So it was against the law to get knocked up in the 1950s? They were stricter than I thought!
George Putnam uses the opportunity to promote his "Perversion for Profit" seminar.
So, basically rapists are motivated by low self-esteem.
"Don't worry, Mary, we'll send you to live with your aunt for a few months, and then you'll have a beautiful baby sibling and we'll never speak of this again."
And remember, nobody buys the cow when they can get the milk for free. Good night.
Capped by TheDiva
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