Showing posts with label BFG. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BFG. Show all posts

Thursday, June 23, 2011

The BFG (10/10)

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"Even though you two didn't really do anything."
"And if this film hadn't changed things so that giant country was in another dimension I might be able to do that and live in Britain at the same time, but now I can't."
"Actually... I'm gonna have to carry on eating those aren't I. Screw this I'm staying in Britain!"
"We can share the suffering of eating snozzcumbers."
You guys do know that the Queen has a name right?
My, what a seamless transition.
...come's a change in the music
"So what work have you done in the past Mr Rowe?"
"Well, I once wrote a song about farts."
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The BFG (9/10)

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Of course what they don't know is that giants are really into bondage!
Well, at least it's not as embarasing as hitting your head on a wall mounted cupboard!
How on Earth did the helicoptor survive that?
"And one helicoptor with a small dent in it's undercarriage."
"Okay, maybe we should've brought a tank or 2."
The insurance company isn't gonna believe this story.
So he's not gonna release his mates first then?
And when the BFG is correcting your English you know you suck at it.
"Okay, before I kill you I'll have a little snack."
"Hello, remember me?"
If she wasn't in mortal danger right now this might actually be fun.
"Eat bubbles you b*stard!"
"That's twice in the last few days that I've nearly died now."
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Sunday, June 12, 2011

The BFG (8/10)

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"Besides, there's not enough room for you to send yourself flying."
Evil Laugh No. #113
And everyone in the building suffocates.
What? No lone wheel rolling across the screen? You disapoint me movie.
Wait, what do you mean by 'anymore'? Are there historical records of giants existing?
"Hi."
"Because you'll have to work out what he's saying since his English isn't that great."
"I don't know how anyone can like this Twilight cr*p!"
The giants have access to a 'Random Nasty Name Generator'.
Our military leaders ladies and gentlemen.
Three rights on the other hand...
I think I've already used up my quota of Doctor Who jokes.
"Bloodbottler you magnificient b*stard, I read your book!"
"Now I know how the Green Army Men from Toy Story feel!"
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Saturday, May 14, 2011

The BFG (7/10)

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"It is I, Little Miss RubberFace."
.oO Oh sh*t, she's on to me!
So the 'MORE ROYAL SECRETS' bit reports on the Queen's nightmares
"But the giants aren't mentioned so not quite like my nightmare."
"Surely you can see that from where you're sitting."
"Ah yes, through the front door."
Well, by definition, all giants are 'very tall'
"Please don't say we missed something out when brewing the Trogglehumper."
The Queen is very good at remembering dreams isn't she...I always forget mind within minutes.
"I guess we did miss something out after all."
He stole the cloak from The Death of Giants
"Even though there's only one of me."
"Well, Beryl can be pretty aweful at times."
"For instance, did you know that Prince Charles still wets the bed?"
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Saturday, April 30, 2011

The BFG (6/10)

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"We can't be lost, we have GPS."
Why does everyone in this universe leave their windows open?
"I'm past my sell by date."
Like in Spaceballs the dream of the movie has already been released before they'd finished shooting it
"DON'T LET THEM MAKE A FILM OF THE WITCHES!"
Sophie was never very good at hide and seek
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Saturday, April 23, 2011

The BFG (5/10)

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And suddenly they're both burnt to death
"That tinkling sound means that this dream is about going to the toilet."
"You don't even understand endings, though that would explain Evangelion and the Prisoner."
Good thing the kid left his wondow open
"Woops, accidentaly blew in the 'Go to school naked' dream."
"Oh great, now I'm dead."
How are they able to see this kid's dream?
I think the kid just bonked his head and the circle of birds wasn't available
"Oh no, I's is terrified of clowns."
Giant Kilroy was 'ere
"Wanna watch another child die Sophie?"
Of course we were clearly in England just now as well
"Because if you do she'll have you executed."
"Can I call her a b*tch?"
Well I think introducing her to the BFG would convince her.
The BFG: mad scientist
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Sunday, March 20, 2011

The BFG (4/10)

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The giants are all horrendously ugly, why? Because they're evil.
"I's is scared of the dark."
Well other animals kill each other to you know
Take only photographs, leave only footprints
"Though mainly because there aren't any humans to eat."
"Thanks for not opening the jar Sophie!"
"Except maybe air."
Roald Dahl: master of the macabre and nonsensical made up words
"Just let off a great big whizzpopper, that should do it."
so catching dreams is like catching a really big fish that will later be refered to as "the one that got away"
"More importantly, why are we keeping it in The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch?"
"My god...it's full of dreams."
There really isn't much else to do in Giant Country is there.
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Saturday, February 12, 2011

The BFG (2/10)

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"They like to annoy the humans by eating all their beans."
Bonecruncher has never tried actually Turkish Delight, he just assumed that it's what Turks taste like.
Which really is far more obvious than coffee
(rimshot)
"I've never heard of the place!"
Is it...
A: Fish and chips
B: Shepeard's Pie
or C: Marmite
"I'm on a diet."
"What does that stand for?"
"It was the middle of the night when you nabbed me so really it should be breakfast."
also known as 'Dennis the Menace Fruit'
Oh good a funny animal sidekick, I always fought the book could've done with one
"And yes I have tasted those."
I reckon they started eating human's because they had to eat Snozzcumbers
"Can't I eat the weird animal thing instead?"
"But it's still better than what they were feeding us in that orphanage?"
The B.F.G. finds horrible food hilarious for some reason
"Except when I'm playing Derek Trotter."
"What was my line again?"
"At least I think there are, never saw one, but then it is dark down there."
"And I live with giants who eat children."
I guess the B.F.G. is unaware of the concept of 'not being believed'
"In a place where 82% of the population want to eat you."
"Now, who wants to act out the opening song from Thumbelina?"
You kidnapped her because you thought she'd blab about seeing a giant and NOW you're asking her if she can keep something secret?
"Do you have to do that every time you make an entrance?"
"Yes."
"Don't you remember why we started eating humans?"
"Well f***."
That's not how you do a proper facepalm
THE END
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Sunday, July 11, 2010

The BFG (1/10)

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OOOOOWAAAAHHWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
DANGERMOUSE: THE MOVIE
a movie about a really large fire-arm
let's hope that he actually likes this one then
Brian could never work out why he came second for the Produced by credit despite the fact that it came first in the studios name
"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."
NO BOYS ALOWWED, NOT EVEN CROSSDRESSERS
"I'll just take a dump on the Santa entrance."
RULES
NO VIbES
NO bEVIS
NO bEVIS
NO VIbES
"I'm sorry Miss Offscreen."
"I just realised...I'M A CARTOON!"
ATTACK OF THE 5Oft DEATH EATER
Kilroy was here
The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come had made a terrible miscalculation of scale
a giant Vuvuzela
so the giant is in fact a made scientist
that face looks like it should be in a Monty Python cartoon
"I'm not here, honest."
Audience, will you please give a big hand to...
"Finders keepers."
"I regret nothing."
I don't remember there being anything about passing through the space/time vortex in the book
So giants come from Tattooine then
Giants obviously aren't aware of the concept of dental hygiene
"Whatever it is, it obviously likes to play hide and seek."
"That's called racism young lady."
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