Romeo and Juliet: Sealed With a Kiss Part 8

2-qn8EB4mMU

You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.

YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Could someone turn off the Name of the Rose soundtrack?

"She looks so natural."

She's become Juliet the White!


Er, whiter, anyway...

Don't touch her, Romeo, she's radioactive.

.oO(I suppose we could do a sort of "Last Dance With Mary Jane" thing...)

Ewww, zombie breath!

"Anybody have an Altoid?"

"Thus, with a kiss, I'm high."

"Still, this isn't as bad as when Mercutio crashed Great-Uncle Vincento's funeral and tap-danced on the coffin..."

"There's still going to be a light lunch to follow, right?"

"Dammit, how many times am I going to have to mourn that kid?"

"Dogpile on the corpses!"

"You never were that bright."

Great, the movie's going supernova.

Personally, I think "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" is overused at funerals. I want them to play "The Grand Old Duke of York" at mine.

"Oh, I suppose everyone is going to blame ME for this now, right?"

"Broncos? Raiders?"

"You copied my mustache!"

"You got a 'my son!' to throw in here?"

"Well, hate, hormones, teen angst, and really bad communication. But mostly hate."

"And by 'we' I mean 'you'."

Well, that does explain the demon fish.

*both* "This is all your fault."

"Ew, and right on their kids' corpses, too!"

RICKYYYYY!!!

No, to really hammer home the tragedy you need a slide whistle.

.oO(This worked out pretty well. I should have helped Juliet fake her death years ago!)

Friar Laurence was right, we ARE being punished!

"Does this mean you want your laptop back?"

"Great, just when our day couldn't get any worse..."

"Yeah, it's a funeral. How would you like to be the guest of honor?"

"Geez, I go away for a few days and everybody commits suicide on me."

"Heh-heh, you get it? Dead? Ah, my comedic wit is wasted here..."

And another feud breaks out over who gets to disembowel Mercutio.

"Just keep playing dead, he'll go away soon enough!"

It's a Truffula tree!

So, Romeo and Juliet are dead, movie's over, right? Please?

A watched corpse never decomposes, you know.

"Aw man, I had this terrible dream that we were doing a bad remake of Romeo and Juliet and there was this evil demon fish and..."

"....ah, shit."

And somewhere, the spirit of Thomas Bowdler smiles with approval.

Maybe the tragedy is that Mercutio doesn't die...

"So THAT'S what kissing a girl looks like."

See? It can survive out of water; it's not a normal fish! It's a creature spawned from the pits of Hell sent to torment us!

At the reception, the crabs will be both the band and the main course!

"Stop it! Stop it! NO MORE BLOODY SINGING!"

.oO(This bites, everyone's forgotten me and I'm the friggin' villain!)

YAY!

.oO(I think I hear dessert calling...)

Dame Edna!

"Romeo, I am both grossed out and turned on right now."

The movie's just spinning its wheels now...

Remember kids, fat people are deserving of your ridicule and should only mate with their own kind.

Well, it still has most of Mercutio's dialogue beat.

"Let's go to that deserted island and bug Prospero."

And the next day they were run over by jet skis.

"I've got a sheath for your happy dagger right here, sweetheart."

For never was a tale more of woe/Than this of Evil Fish and damn Mercutio.

Wherefore art my gun?
(Crap, now they've got me doing it!)

Coming soon from Phil Nibbelink Productions: King Cobra Lear, the all-swine version of The Merchant of Venice, and Taming of the Shrew with actual shrews!

What a git.

Ew, Romeo and Juliet were siblings? Where was this produced, Alabama?

AAAAGH, THERE'S NO ESCAPE!!!

So did I. That was a great ten minutes, wasn't it?

Sorry, ran out of Monistat.

It is Prince of Darkness and Father of Lies, right?

Oh, I've got something you can kiss right here...

This space is for all the people who asked to have their names taken off the project.

I don't know if I'd call this music a "courtesy"...

The Music Bakery? Maybe after we go there we can visit the Cake Studio.

Chanelle "Number Five" Nibbelink

Phil "Nepotism" Nibbelink

We've desecrated everything we can, goodnight everybody!

That thing will haunt my nightmares for years to come.

Capped by TheDiva
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Romeo and Juliet: Sealed With a Kiss Part 7

Eh1WTQmfHHo

You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.

YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

"It'll be a great April Fool's gag!"

"Trust me, nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong with this plan!"

"Ew, it's got floaty bits!"

"It's got hints of blackberry and prophetic visions, you'll love it!"

CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

"Dude, I'm already getting high off the fumes!"

I think Phil Nibbelink may have a few issues with religion.

"Oh wait, that was my urine sample! Now where did I put the living death potion?"

What the--goddammit, don't tell me he survived!

"Reminds me of a lame joke, though..."

The ladies love a huge conch! (Sorry.)

The Lord of the Flies kids are going to need to borrow one of those.

And now, with the use of the Midsummer Night's Dream wedding march, this movie has officially shamed every single Shakespeare play.

"Lord Capulet, did you forget something?"
"What? Oh yeah, I'm supposed to escort the bride! My bad!"

*sigh* "He's as handsome as I dreamed him..."

"Yeah, yeah, make with the matrimony already."

"She's getting her flippers done for the occasion."

"Come on sweetheart, it's time for your sudden and completely undesired arranged marriage!"

"I mean it, you get married right now or no Playstation for a month!"

"She was like this when I found her, honest."

"Jin and Sun got killed off on Lost."

"Good news is, the limos you rented for the wedding can now be used for her funeral!"

"I didn't mean it about the Playstation!"

"Well, back to Match.com for me..."

"Does this mean there's not going to be cake?"

"Hey, this means I have a chance with Romeo!"

"Uh-oh, there may be one or two flaws in my overly convoluted plan..."

"She's not dead, she's pining for the fjords!"

This is why it's important to include your "in event of fake death" information in your living will.

"Eh, I'll just dump this anywhere..."

"Oh, if only otters could swim!"

Go after him? BRILLIANT!

"This isn't working! Oh, if only I could raise my voice to a decibel level that could be heard several yards away!"

"Eh, I tried."

"But nooo, I had to go into creepy voodoo potions instead!"

"Sorry, I skipped lunch today."

"Fish are friends, not food...you, on the other hand, are fair game."

Would you prefer a Jet instead?

"Oh, there's Romeo! How you doing, lad?"

Sweet, ol' Sharky's gonna score some tail!

"Which means we've already used it twice!"

Lampshading the lameness of your jokes does not make them any less lame.

So, "exile" means "a short swim from the beach."

"Come on, Romeo, I swam fifty yards to find you!"

"Did you bring me a latte?"

Wow, fifteen minutes and the isolation has already driven him mad.

"Well, she was rather peaceful last I saw her..."

"Yeah, about that...did you know the Capulets practice cremation?"

"Well, do suicide notes count?"

Last night? Isn't it still tonight?

"You...you're crying because you're happy for Juliet and me, right?"

SAY IT!

"Oh, and the universe is ending behind us, too."

"...But she'll get better, right?"

o/...There was a seal, a very strange and creepy seal...o/

"So, you think Rosaline's still single?"

"She thinks she can die on me, huh? I'll show HER!"

"...Call me?"

Here's a switch: a priest getting molested.

"I'm late for vespers!"

"You forgot your poison vial!"

What's his tail made out of? Titanium?

"Oh, I hope I didn't miss the Irish wake!"

"...Shoot, I forgot why I came up here!"

And...you couldn't have done this on Shark Island why, exactly?

"Why is he asking for Julienne fries?"

"Someone's calling for Gillian Anderson!"

"Juvie hen?"

"Jew event?"

"Keep it down, some of us have to migrate in the morning!"

Do me Ben?

Great, so the last fifteen minutes of the movie is going to be people screaming "Romeo!" and "Juliet!" over and over again.

Oh, the shark just wanted a bit of fiber! Must be irregular.

Special guest belcher Wakko Warner.

"My fur! That'll NEVER grow back!"

Um...Juliet?

"I'm sitting in something wet!"

"Do you mind? We're trying to mourn here."

.oO(Stupid Romeo, even I heard him bleating "Juliet!" over and over and I'm comatose!)

Whoa, and there goes the MPAA rating.

You Fail Biology Forever

What IS it with inappropriate rap numbers in cartoons?

I feel so dirty right now.

"Wha--dammit, I was trying to put the shark off his appetite!"

Wow, I almost miss Mercutio's wit.
Almost.

Maybe they shouldn't have built the entire reef out of paper mache.

FINALLY, some carnage!

If he ends up becoming Friar Laurence the White, I'm leaving.

Sic semper rapping cartoon animals.

"I'm going to give you SO much acid reflux!"

Dammit, doesn't anyone in this tragedy die?

I've always said, Shakespeare needs more chase scenes with sharks.

I understand that before he wrote the iconic "Duuuun-dun" theme, John Williams was planning on a peppy jazz motif for Jaws.

No. Get eaten and do the world a favor.

The hero of this movie is the shark, right?

Wonder if Romeo's gotten all of that "Juliet!"-ing out of his system yet...

Shark going in a smokestack...this is one of those metaphor things, isn't it?

Ah, just what this scene needed: another level of Hell.

"Um...you mind if I consider my options?"

Uh-oh, this is what got Friar Laurence in trouble with the law last time.

"I mean it, I'll sing again!"

Whoo, go shark!

Please oh please Lord, I'll never ask for anything again if you just let that thing get eaten...

"I'm going to give you such a smack!"

"Oh hey look, a swirly shell!"

That's what I've been saying for the past seventy-five minutes.

Ooooh, I'm going to enjoy this...

Oh dear God, it's got siblings!

Admit it, you've been waiting the entire movie to make that joke, haven't you?

Of course they aren't; they have to listen to you all day.

...
...
...
...

...I fucking hate this movie.

It's times like this that I have to believe there are exceptions to Rule 36, for my own sanity if nothing else.

So, all that, and nobody gets eaten. Okay fine, movie. Get bent.

Why not have it say "Show me the money" while you're at it?

If that thing ends up being the governor of California, I'm going to commit seppuku.

"It's gone, that's all that matters."

Cleopatra!--Wait, that's not it...

But Romeo swam all the way back to Shark Island in the interim, and even more hilarious hijinks ensue!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH, WHEREFORE MEANS WHY YOU SOUND LIKE A GODDAMN IDIOT WHEN YOU MISUSE IT LIKE THAT!!!!!!

Sorry, this movie is getting to me.

Are you with the corpse or the groom?

Romeo killed Juliet with his evil eye!

.oO(Hey, he didn't bring anything for the repast!)

.oO(There's something funny about the new acolyte...)

Capped by TheDiva
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Romeo and Juliet: Sealed With a Kiss Part 6

ndzt8Alz6rg

You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.

YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

"Wait, is gravity still in effect?"

So Mercutio dies through his own stupidity. This just gets better and better!

Hurray! o/...Ding dong the witch is dead...o/

Even the cruise ships rejoice at Mercutio's passing.

Maybe if you did something other than stand there and whimper "Romeo!" it might prove useful...

"We've dreamt of this day for so long..."

"'When I walk around you, I get lost!'--now I get it!"

"Can I get you some industrial-strength Sudafed?"

Ever seen a chihuahua barking at a St. Bernard? Same concept.

Unfortunately, they were fighting right on top of Eyjafjallajokul...

Sweet, maybe if we're lucky the annoying brat fish will get taken out too!

"Romeo!--Try to land on the Prince, he's soft!"

The Denver Broncos Lagoon

If the rest of this movie is characters dying one by one, maybe there's hope...

Dibs on his pelt.

"Maybe we should check to see if they're actually dead.."
"Nah, too much trouble."

"My only heir is dead!...On the plus side, I have an excuse to get a trophy wife now!"

Or the taxidermist?

"Shoot, and before I could take out a life insurance policy on him!"

"Dammit!...Uh, I mean, you're alive, yay!"

"I would have looked TERRIBLE in mourning!"

This kid's movie comes with random commentary from a five-year-old already inserted!

From Here to Stupidity

"Seriously, get a reef, you two!"

....Please DON'T pan down.

"Dammit, we're NEVER going to get to consummate our relationship!"

"You know there's a rule against sex on the beach!"

"Because you killed...no wait, you...you...look, just leave, all right?"

"Everyone remembers why we call it Shark Island, right? Good."

Don't worry, it's only a name. Shark Island is actually a peninsula.

"...As long as you're going to Shark Island, can you get me one of those neat shark's tooth necklaces?"

"Oh no, an insurmountable three inch high obstacle!"

"The three hours we've spent together have been the happiest of my life!"

"Call me if you need anything, or decide to fake your death or something, all right?"

"Maybe I could follow him into exile...naaaah, don't want to get my fur wet."

"Okay, if you say so."

"I am NOT going to lose my deposit on the caterer!"

"What would Ophelia do?"

Hey, Shark Island lost weight!

Could someone buy these characters some irises?

"It's not FAIR! Curse my unparalleled beauty for making all men desire me!"

"Must the irritating supporting cast haunt me wherever I go?"

"Wow, it really was a stupid relationship..."

Her memory needs a continuity editor.

Montague, Montague...Hey, that would make a good base for a techno song...

"Any more significant landmarks I can run past?"

"So, should we end the feud?"
"Nah, nobody's died...well, Mercutio, but he doesn't count."

o/...Be prepaaaaaared...o/

Krakatoa cloned itself!

Ew, no hip bumps please.

Featuring the Care Bear Stars Chorus!

So much for the villain getting a good song...

I suppose "ridiculous-looking" is a style, of sorts...

Hey, don't go dragging Gilbert and Sullivan down with you!

Technically you can't conceal what's non-existent, so...

"I got it from a banana!"

"But it's just baby fat, really."

Maybe if you didn't eat everyone who disagreed with you...

"Well, you know what they say about guys with big noses..."

Hey, this is encouraging kids to go hot potting! Won't someone please think of the children?!

Wow, elephant seals can bathe in lava. There's something they never mentioned on Animal Planet.

"Plus there's a crushing pressure in my chest and my left flipper's numb...oh sh--"

Nothing like a magma enema for clearing out the bowels!

Rough waters in the CGI Bay tonight...

So, why "Shark Island," anyway? They could have just as easily called it "Dolphin Island" or "Orca Island" or "Generic Dorsal Fin Island"...

Okay, I think the shot is well and truly established now...

o/...Someday I'll be part of your woooooorld...o/

.oO(I should have brought a magazine.)

Oh great, hasn't he suffered enough?

"Perhaps it's not so bad...I mean, how long can banishment last, really?"

.oO(Maybe if I ignore it, it'll go bother someone else...)

"Most days I pray for oil spills."

"It makes my fins all pruney."

"I'll be your wife if it'll make you feel better."

Why don't you go tell him that, then?

I'm glad it didn't suggest a spanking.

...Gaaah, that's just as bad if not worse!

Simba...Simba...oh sorry! Um, could either of you tell me the quickest way to Africa?

Go cry, emo seal.

o/...Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me...o/

"Whatever, I couldn't possibly be more depressed than I am right now."

"...Never mind, I was wrong."

Actually, this is the best song in the score so far.

.oO(There's no other food on this rock, I guess it'll have to do...)

Hey, I see the route to Neverland...

Awww, poor Ray...*sniffle*

"Say, do you know 'Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'?"

"Ew, cooties!"

And it's promptly eaten by a barracuda.

"For leaving."

Hey, there's a whale flying overhead!

"The great taste of cream cheese with only half the fat?"

"And he didn't invite me to go with?"

"I have bingo!"

"You'll just have to spiritually enlighten yourself!"

This is very subtle, but I'm getting the impression Friar Laurence doesn't know what to say to this.

"Just think of Romeo as a starter marriage..."

"Even though this goes against all Catholic laws for marriage, you have no choice!"

"We'll just call the Romeo thing a mulligan."

"What, you're not going to threaten to off yourself right now? You're taking this better than I expected..."

The music's stuck in tremolo...

.oO(I've got it! Cherry flavored host for kids!)

"My magical chafing dish might have a solution!"

That baptismal font is WAY overdue for a cleaning.

He looks like the Lorax after Weight Watchers.

"We'll hold a bake sale!"

Why does the kindly priest get a more sinister song than the villain?

Capped by TheDiva
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Romeo and Juliet: Sealed With a Kiss Part 5

jaYRmNFOuSc

You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.

YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Just imagine how many anglerfish are needed to make those spotlights...

"Get your hand off my back flippers."

*crickets chirp*

"That was the worst dancing we've ever seen!"

Look, Mr. Ray in his first role!

"How gauche."

Shakespearean scholars everywhere react to Romeo and Juliet: Sealed With a Kiss.

Even the mutants disapprove!

"Wait, why do we care about this again?"

"That's it, you're dinner."

Yes, a Capulet and a Montague. DEAL ALREADY!

"Help us, the camera spin is out of control!"

"Why are we running? We could have this entire ballroom for breakfast!"

"No, I was saving myself for my wedding night!"

"Romeo, are you familiar with the term 'hentai'?"

Octopuses burp smog. Learn something new everyday.

At least the ink cloud obscures the movie.

"Did I just get whipped by a whiny seal pup?"

Still, this is a nice use of the Whose Line Is It Anyway? theme.

"I knew we should have honeymooned at Bob Jones University instead!"

"Ha-ha, nothing like tormenting creatures smaller and weaker than yourself!"

"You know, in retrospect it was a stupid thing to get worked up over..."

Andretti in the lead as we go into the final lap...

Did a fairy just fly by?

Sawyer? Locke? Anybody home?

Palin's right, I CAN see Russia from here!

"This is nice; I never even knew there was a tropical lagoon in Canada!"

Why aren't we supposed to chase those again?

"Mine! Mine!"

"Sorry, got a bit of krill caught in my throat."

The pine trees were drawn by an eight-year-old...

"That's funny, it's been ten seconds and nobody's bothered us about our miscegenation."

"What's your tongue doing?"

"So that was sex, huh?"

"Say, do you mind if Benvolio joins us?"

"Um, okay, now..."
"Ow!"
"Sorry...maybe I should..."
"No, not there, lower..."
"Down here?"
"Not that low, idiot...

And so, children, the two underage seals made sweet, sweet love through the day...

OHMYGODHIDEME!!!

"Don't worry, it happens to every seal."

"Sorry, I should have asked you about the threesome first..."

"What are you, my mother-in-law?"

It's been a few years since I read it--was there really an annoying ADD kid in Romeo and Juliet?

"No, but you can be my lunch."

I think the plot is officially off the rails now.

"SOMEONE has stolen my fins!"

THIS IS GOD. YOU HAVE ANGERED ME, BRATTY KID FISH!

"Really? We hadn't noticed."

"You caught us, kid. We're just in it for the wild casual sex."

I am not comfortable with the mouth ratio on that thing.

"....Well, THAT killed the mood. You want to just cuddle?"

Are they being abducted by aliens?

"Great, I just rented a tux for NOTHING!"

The Dr. Seuss Reef

"Great, we're perfectly safe until we have to breathe."

Yay, Jaws is after them!

Wait, how did they even know the Prince was following them?

...And why am I trying to find logic in this silly Disneyfied plot line?

Phew, that was close. Something exciting almost happened.

"You're so cute when you're belittling others to inflate your own sense of self-worth."

Christ, it's like the annoying cousin you can't get rid of at a family reunion...

"Do you like algae tabs? I like algae tabs...Oh hey, a catfish!"

...Wait, what?

"We have to get to the next plot point, hurry!"

"Why does everyone run away from me?"

It's already there, honey.

Great, they exploded.

What, they still haven't beaten the crap out of him? What are they waiting for, an invitation?

"We're gonna get torn apart by an angry mob, it's so funny!"

"...he was banned from the Internet?"

With any luck, that's a volcanic eruption about to go off under him.

Look, just leave him already! You'll be doing the Montagues a favor...

"Did everyone in the back catch that?"

Finally, someone's taking matters into their own flippers!

So Mercutio is Italian for "oblivious"....

Because they can hear you from all the way on the other side of the beach?

WILL SOMEONE JUST EAT HIM?!

"First chance I get, I'm pushing him into a set of six-pack rings..."

"I'm begging you, put him out of my misery!"

Oooh, Prince should join a symphonic metal band.

"How about I hold you under and you can find out?"

"I will perfectly understand if you want to kill him."

Did they record his lines by having him shout into a trash can?

Okay, that is the third time you've misused that word. You are dead to me. DEAD.

Yes kids, teasing fat people is fun for the whole family!

"Well, I need some comfort food, and they're right there..."

Dammit, who said that?

"If you're going to eat Mercutio, I want to watch!"

"He is such a moron."

"Oh, heh-heh, you're much bigger up close...uh, carry on then..."

His nose doubles as a whoopie cushion.

"How about we trade off? You can get her Monday through Wednesday, I'll take Thursday through Saturday and we can alternate Sundays, deal?"

Did...did he just suggest jacking off to this?

"I've already tapped that."

"Great, he had a heart attack--who wants to be the next Lord Capulet?"

HI-HO, SILVER!

"Yeah, but it's totally not mutual. I'm sure you can get some rebound action off her..."

Maybe Mercutio is Itallian for "tone killer."

Me too. I recommend Atkins--plenty of seal meat.

Wait, so the Prince is Tybalt too? Does he also fill the roles of Juliet's Nurse and the Apothecary?

Never say "eating a ball" again...

GO PRINCE! GO PRINCE! GOOOOOO PRINCE!

"Can I have your stereo?"

"It's not worth the bad jokes!"

"If he went that way, he'd have gone straight to the castle!"

They did ADR in an airline hangar.

"I call you 'Blubberbutt' cause you're fat, geddit?"

"Let him go, I've been trying to get rid of Mercutio for years!"

So, huge drop?
Shallow tide?
Huge pointy rocks at the bottom?
This is gonna be goooooood.

"Thanks! I've been meaning to start my own business..."

I know, isn't it glorious?

Do they really have that many baobab trees near the Arctic Circle?

Try Hari Krishna.

"Ha-ha, that one knocked 'em dead in Miss Harper's kindergarten class!"

"Just let the Prince kill you and get it over with!"

You know, I bet you could prove you're smarter than that.

YAY!

Ah, sweet, sweet karma.

"Maybe someone I haven't alienated will save me!...Oh, I am so dead..."

"I just wanted to tell you you brought this on yourself."

"Benvolio would have loved me if not for you!"

You are not cool enough for this line.

Capped by TheDiva
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Romeo and Juliet: Sealed With a Kiss Part 4

Hs6xKIRZS44

You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.

YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Sounds like the unicorns from Legend are walking by...

"Sudden infatuation is fun!"

What I wouldn't give for a poacher to club him right about now.

"He's mentally disturbed, and I find that charming!"

Um, isn't it tomorrow already?

"I know, I'll swim across to Hogwarts!"

"Wanna go bark at some tourists?"

Mr. Mercutio, is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the movie?

He has to laugh at himself because nobody else will.

"Promise?"

"He was suicidal?"

He truly is the George Carlin of the pinniped world.

.oO(He's been at this for ten hours now...)

.oO(If I kill him now, the sharks will get to his body before anybody notices he's missing...)

"Actually sand fleas are a type of crustacean and are unrelated to canine parasites..."

KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!

.oO(Yes, this will be perfect for bashing his head in...)

Maybe Benvolio is just stoned out of his gourd, that's why he's not doing anything about this...

"Lookit me, I'm a Rastafarian!"

Yeah, compared to Jay Leno.

On behalf of everyone everywhere, we'd like to apologize for that last scene.

Ah, the mysterious Voice Synthesizer Grotto...

Jack Sparrow is fighting Barbossa in there, Captain Hook's tying Tiger Lily to a rock...

"Friar Laurence, can you turn off the vaguely eerie chant music and come out here for a second?"

.oO(Maybe if I call his name ten more times, he'll show up...)

So seals are Catholic? I'd always thought they'd be into Zen...

The Hildegard von Bingen Caverns

Voldemort's Horcrux must be here somewhere...

So, basically you went to Shakespeare's page on Wikiquote and made a movie around it, huh?

"This is gonna be the best gumbo EVER!"

"That's my favorite web bookmarking utility!"

"Uh, I wasn't breaking my Lenten fast!"

Is it really a good idea for a friar to have a portal to Hell in his chambers?

He's a fried friar! Ha ha...kill me, please.

Isn't this Ursula's old pad?

I didn't know otters changed color if you got them warm...

"I can't tell you how long I've waited to hear you say that..."

"I thought she was into ME!"

"Okay, you're mental then."

"Next thing you know you'll be wanting me to make a living death potion so you two can be together!"

"It's not like I'm looking for a lifetime commitment or anything!"

Friar Laurence was pressured to resign by the state of Louisiana after refusing to perform an interracial seal marriage.

"I'll be your best friend! I'll share my dessert with you at lunch!"

"Accidental death and suicide, I guess."

"She's the most beautiful girl I've met this week!"

"Oh who asked you, crock pot?"

"Next they'll be asking me to marry Mercutio and Benvolio..."

"What do you think, oh Holy Oyster of Saint Lutrinae?"

"No, those pearls were my retirement fund!"

So he's kind of a Catholic-Pagan-Voodoo priest, I guess...

"Peanut butter and chocolate together?"

Jay-Jay Jet Plane: A Love Story

So, their love will lead to a square dance?

"But you have to attend three weeks of pre-nuptial counseling first."

"Easy boy, Friar Laurence is being very closely monitored by the diocese."

"Or maybe it'll just cause this whole damn feud to blow up in our faces."

"Hi, I'm here for the Naomi Circle meeting..."

"I've missed you so much--it's been minutes since I saw you last!"

"Come on, let's get married so we can get it on!"

Um, if you're diabetic, you might want to look away now.

"No, we're gonna do it right here in the narthex!"

"Except for the part that's devoted to Edward Cullen."

"Holy estate, instituted by God, blah blah blah..."

"Oh yeah, we gotta hurry 'cause I'm taking the youth group bowling this afternoon."

*Beauty and the Beast theme music*

Quite a coup getting Captain Nemo to play for their ceremony...

"...In sickness and in health, till ridiculously contrived death do you part?"

I'm sure most priests have a rule against marrying people when they're baked...

"Mmmmm, you're so temporarily attractive."

They must've had a hell of a time installing a rose window in the cave like that...

o/....Aaaaaaave Mariiiiiia....o/

So, what do you throw at a seal wedding, anyway? Plankton?

Meanwhile, in The Day the Earth Froze...

o/...It's the ciiiiircle of liiiiiife...o/

Gaah, not him again!

"Shut up now or I will end you."

Can he really be the "comic relief" when he's neither?

Smarter than you?

.oO(Hey, if I hold my flippers like this, I can hear the ocean...)

o/...Every seal's a little bit racist todaaaaay...o/

"Sorry, skipped second breakfast today."

Finally, someone's going to kill him!

Even Michael Richards thinks his routine is insensitive.

"Dude, I only have a system of paired ganglia and even I don't find you funny."

"Please, save me! He won't stop until he's dead!"

Ha-ha, he's a lovable genocidal maniac!

We're not that lucky.

"So, lynch him or just beat him to death?"

IMAX presents: The Ocean Floor

It's padding, but at least it's not Mercutio telling bad jokes.

Ladies and Gentlemen: ENYA!

I"m swimming, Romeo! I'm swimming!"

Okay, let's see...*checks IMDb* 2006. Okay, so this joke isn't quite a decade out of date...

So nice of Yanni to play their wedding reception for them.

"Hey, look over here: a corpse of a terrier with a boom box!"

John Jacob Astor's throwing a party!

Hate to break this to you, but the Californian isn't coming...

"Wanna check out the cigar bar?"

Kate Winslet's ghost meets them coming the other way...

Filmed at Norma Desmond's house.

"It's beautiful! Just think, people perished in here!"

"You got a fake ID on you?"

A jazz rave?

It's less impressive when you realize he needs half his arms to play a simple chord.

"Have you tried the drowned corpses yet? They're delicious!"

"We can't stay long; my dad has a strict ten o'clock curfew."

"Fresh! Just cause we're married doesn't mean you can kiss me whenever you want!"

They're so sweetly dysfunctional.

Romeo's signaling that he's into bondage.

Capped by TheDiva
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Romeo and Juliet: Sealed With a Kiss Part 3

LG61_tNNkbM

You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.

YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

"No fair, Romeo can't score before I do!"

If we can get Shakespeare to roll fast enough in his grave we'll solve the energy crisis.

"I'm going to ask Benvolio to marry me!"

"Hey, the Aurora Disco Ball is out..."

"Allegra..."

Are ipecacs conductive to romance?

He makes William Shatner sound like Andrea Bocelli.

When you find a tune, let us know.

"Wanna play Chutes and Ladders with me?"

Whoa, now I know why they call it "scat."

Will you stop that? I'm the one riffing this movie!

"Sure, but you have to buy me dinner first..."

DUN DUN DUN!

"And that's MY Fisherman's Feast platter combo!"

Sorry, he's tuned out your voice in self-defense.

Is he singing or suffering intestinal distress?

"Sorry, seafood makes me gassy."

"Bad case of the runs!"

"Can we get our parking validated?"

"YOU ATE THE LAST CRAB CAKE!"

"Well, doctor says I should be eating more fiber..."

"Dammit!"

JUST LEAVE ALREADY!

They're never getting their security deposit back now.

Not exactly "If I profane with my unworthy hand..." is it?

.oO(Please let that be the last time.)

This set was borrowed from the all-otter version of HMS Pinafore.

Oh, it's like Wile E. Coyote, only not funny.

That's not what they mean by "swingers"...

"Mmm, tastes like chicken."

That's a coincidence, I'm about to lose my lunch too.

"That insensitive asshole! He was performing in whiteface!"

Cabot? Cabot?

Chief?
McCloud!

"If it'll make you feel better, you can roll around in brown sand and crash our party next time..."

"Why do they call it jumbo shrimp, anyway?"

"Daaa, Ah kan' brff!"

Yeah right, and just how do they expect to find a photographer on such short notice?

Meanwhile, in a bottle of Pepsi...

"I love the ones where someone almost gets eaten!"

"Sorry, I was too busy sliding down his esophagus to notice..."

He ditched them? Color me shocked.

Wow, I mean I always kind of suspected Mercutio was a little, you know, but in a kid's movie?

"He jests at scars that never felt mastication."

Wherefore art thou so ignorant of grammar?

o/...Bom-chikka-wow-wow...o/

Wet Oyster would be a good name for a band.

Please tell me we won't have to sit through his rendition of the Queen Mab speech.

Hey, there's an anamorphic moon tonight.

Okay, the music can be sweet or intense, but not both. Make up your mind.

"But soft, what light through yon bonsai tree breaks...?"

"At least I think it is; my night vision's not that good."

.oO(Dammit, he's stalking me now...)

How can you tell if he's surprised? His eyes are always like that.

Oh come on, you couldn't get THIS line right?

"Whoops, I need a breath mint!"

How can she make enemies? She's not old enough to cross the street by herself yet!

Sadly interracial seal marriage is still frowned upon in some areas...

Well, various objects react to the visible spectrum of light in differing degrees and manners, resulting in...

"And would still stink after three days."

"If only they made Grecian Formula for seals!"

"And we could play house in the sandbox at recess!"

"Sweet! I'm gonna get laid tonight!"

"Can you be transparent?"

"I have poor verbal language skills."

"Damn, and me without my pepper spray."

"And I like it that way."

"I've heard it's not easy, but whatevs..."

Whoops, he's allergic to shellfish.

.oO(Just humor him, then RUN!)

Ha-ha, "star-crossed," yes you're very clever, MOVING ON THEN....

Evangeline?

Ah, the love theme from "Barney."

Dammit, even seals are using AutoTune now...

The moon makes for a good follow spot.

Music composed by a five-year-old making up a song as she plays.

Shakespeare gives you WINGS!!

This is the most tedious love ballad I've ever heard, and I've heard "I Believe My Heart"...

What I wouldn't give for a supernova right now.

"It's a lovely night; we should get a great view of Tom Baker's face..."

I can only imagine she's smiling because she's deaf in that ear.

"Dude, I am so high right now..."

Overly Literal Theater presents "Dancing With the Stars."

Ah, the glorious Disney Princess Nebula!

Three verses in, and I still have no idea what the melody is.

"Ow, ow, hot star, hot!"

Is this the one where he ends up smothering her with a pillow?

No? Shoot.

Itchy's virtual porn has really diminished in quality...

"I suspect my daughter's involved in a bad musical sequence somewhere!"

Was I hallucinating, or did a Dr. Seuss character just pop up in front of us then pass out drunk?

"Wewerejuststudying!"

"Sam Wainwright's on the phone!"

I wouldn't worry about it; Lord Capulet has clearly not mastered the ability of looking up yet.

"I think we should see other seals."

What is the age of consent in their area? Four?

"Being proposed to, one second!"

Two proposals in one night...is she the only girl seal around these parts?

"Bring a dish for the potluck."

"But I'm Jewish!"

"It's ten minutes past eight young lady, get down here at once!"

Especially if you have another annoying duet.

Parton is such sweet sorrow? So she's a country fan, I guess...

Guh-huh, love pretty...

Ah, the sacred seal mating ritual of blowing fairies at each other.

He's stoned! That explains so much.

And he falls to his death, the end.

...Or not. Damn.

Free Romeo

"Oh, Creepy Cute Goldfish, I'm so happy!"

Nothing makes for good animation like seal ass.

Capped by TheDiva
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Romeo and Juliet: Sealed With a Kiss Part 2

7x2p2UkzVHg

You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.

YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Ah, scenic Pleasantville Beach...

"Just a minute, I'm being emo..."

*sigh* "I wish the ink and paint department wasn't on strike..."

Next on Jackass....

Oooh, they could've been a feature attraction at Cypress Gardens with this...

"Okay: 'Get the fuck away from me.' How's that?"

It's not fair when the movie makes the commentary for you.

Good.

Mercutio has an infectious laugh--in that it makes me ill.

"I mean, if even us crashing into a rock and sustaining massive brain damage can't make you smile..."

Please tell me the shark is Tybalt.

"That's what bothers me."

AAAAAAAAAAAAGHKILLITWITHFIRE!!!

"You're depressed and that amuses me!"

"No, I don't want to sing 'Mister Sandman'!"

"I REGRET NOTHIIIIING..."

"Crap, I can still hear them down here."

So this is what Little Mermaid would have looked like if Ralph Bakshi had animated it.

I always said Shakespeare needed more doo-wop music.

Gaaaah! Damn you movie, you will NOT break me!

"I don't like oldies!"

Well, can't argue with you so far.

"Not just anybody."

"I need a girl who looks like Eliza Dushku."

Don Bluth's Finding Nemo

A whiny brat with a creepy stare?

"Great, I can't feel my brain. Oh well, no big loss."

"C'mon, we're hitting Colfax Street tonight!"

*Psycho violins*

He forgot the "mad."

I guess seals don't use Vagisil.

"C'moooon, I wanna get laaaaaaid!"

Does his part have notes, or anything?

"Oh, and within my own species, sorry."

Ah, the rare Evil Fish!

Oh hey, he found the melody!

Helen Keller should do, I think.

Ay-yi-yi is right.

"Yum, dinner!"

*winces*

That pun is illegal in fifteen states, isn't it?

Oh, that explains a lot.

Louis Prima: LIVE from the North Pole!

Wow, I didn't know you could rent the Black Pearl for events.

They haven't been the same since Sebastian took that gig with Disney.

"Um, are you dancing or having an epileptic fit?"

"Oh yeah, that's the spot..."

"Gee Dad, this is the best bat mitzvah ever!"

"Eh, this party's lame. Let's go see what's shaking on the Exxon Valdez..."

"Yours for only 19.95!"

"There, I've fulfilled my Fat Comic Sidekick quota for the scene."

You don't already know the answer to that?

Oh my God, I think his eyes stole a piece of my soul.

"Their cover charge is outrageous!"

No downside.

"I don't like being killed."

"What's the worst that can happen: feud-doomed romance and suicide?"

He forgot the "bater."

So, his plan is to roll in powdered sugar?

That's not sand, it's White-Out!

"Oh my God, a dramatic musical cue!"

Are elephant seals really bioluminescent?

"THIS HOT TUB IS FREEZING!"

No, don't let him near the buffet!

So, everyone in this movie is mentally damaged.

So it's the North Pole version of the Mr. Creasote sketch...

"Yum, dessert!"

Teddy Roosevelt called, he wants his mustache back.

I can only imagine the sinus problems he has.

Oh please, everyone she knows has fish breath.

"Sorry, hairball."

"Just a minute, I want to read Pearls Before Swine..."

"That is one of those fried-tortilla things, isn't it?"

"No, I said tango, not samba!"

o/...You'll find your happiness in Rio...o/

"Um, I'm five..."

So, he's basically a cross between Prince Escalus, Count Paris, and...a lump of suet, I guess.

"We could be on Antarctica's Got Talent!"

"Damn, he ate all the grilled scallops, too!"

"If I had any testosterone I'd do something about this..."

"Well actually yes, Emily Post says that's the correct protocol..."

"I don't wanna get myself killed!"
"Party pooper!"

"White seals who look NOTHING like prominent members of a rival family!"

"Geez, look at all that sand."
"I know, who the Hell do they think they're fooling, anyway?"

He's going to start telling golf jokes everyone's heard before next, isn't he?

"Why do you always embarrass me on our dates?"

Did he say that, or did I think it?

"Oooh, I hope Prince has a fox trot free on his dance card!"

"Ouch, that was my spine!"

I think Mercutio wanted to come to this party because he's already struck out with all the Montague girls.

"These fake teeth should scare him off."

o/...Fish heads, fish heads...o/

It's like the ballroom scene in Beauty and the Beast, only I want to kill myself.

"She's so cute when she's distressed."

They're seals; they'll clap and bark at anything.

"I guess being the Fat Comic Sidekick has its advantages..."

"Apollo Ohno's got nothing on me."

"Ah, back to Dave Barry."

"Neither am I, but I'd like to wait until I graduate kindergarten..."

"I shall have the lobster bisque!"

"Um, my dad's already married, and anyway I don't think you're his type..."

"Mmm, you taste like tuna."

"Whether or not Avatar lives up to the hype."

Suicide seems very reasonable at this point.

"There's no crying in Shakespeare!"

"Or in complete despair, it's hard to tell."

"Oh there he is, down the well."

.oO(Maybe I should have just told him I wasn't interested...naaaah.)

He kind of sounds like a drunken Barney.

Anime characters are looking at their eyes and going "Daaaaaaamn..."

"Sorry, my voice track skipped."

"Do Not Enter."

Capped by TheDiva
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com