Titanic: The Animated Movie (Part 6)

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A ship so nice, they sank it twice!

She's weeping lemonade!

Those aren't fingernails, they're claws!

Damn, she startles easy.

"Here you go, little Newsie."

"Oh my God, she's wearing an Orphan's Plot Trinket!"

"And the devil will drag you under by the sharp lapels of your checkered coat!"

"No, I use it to hide my stash."

"But I'll probably never see her again...so who are you?"

[M. Night Shyamalan] WHAT A TWIST!! [/M. Night Shyamalan]

"Er, I mean, 'Are you my mummy?'"

"We just didn't like you all that much."

"Even though you obviously had."

"I mean, why are my earrings hovering just below my ears?"

"What kind of a name is that?"

No, on the Edmund Fitzgerald--OF COURSE ON THE BLOODY TITANIC!!!

"So in a way, he's kind of like your brother--damn, you're a sick freak, kid!"

"So, whatever happened to Dad, anyway?"
"Who cares? You don't have his picture in your locket, do you?"
"Point taken."

"What are the odds of that?"

"Cool! Let's go poke it with a stick!"

"This lifeboat can only hold the six of us!"

A rather sensible one, actually.

"Who died and made you captain, anyway?"
"The captain."
"Oh yeah."

"Never mind, it's just Carrot Top. Move along."

"Just leave him to drown, I guess."

Yeah, I'm all for abandoning the annoying detective to the elements...

His leech fell off!

"You like me. You really like me."

Irritating to everybody.

"Uh, we changed our minds. Throw him back in the water."

Well, at least the cat has emergency rations...

How sad is it when you need the rats to save you from a shipwreck?

"You don't want them? Okay, back in my pants they go!"

"I know, I'll strangle him with this and steal his food!"

And the mouse throws the rope a mighty three inches!

"Um, how is this physically possible, anyway?"

"Good luck! Hope you're okay in the cold, unseaworthy Crock Pot!"

o/...daaaaa-DUN! daaaa-DUN! dun-dun-dun-dun...o/

Wow, good thing there were some dolphins vacationing in the North Atlantic, huh?

"We're saved! Dolphin steaks for all!"

"We're taking you to King Snorky!"

"Um, there were several hundred humans in the water, shouldn't we help them too?"
"Nah, they're fine."

"Water! Lots of it!"

"Whoops, my mistake, it's the dumb detective again."

He's drowning all over again!

"Hey look, a jellyfish!"

"I get seasick!"

"There's so much flotsam in the ocean..."

Yeah, you did a bang-up job with the jewel thieves...

Yes, pull him in!

"Hey, get your own toupee!"

"Um, is it okay if we leave the rest of him in?"

Geez, take a Midol already!

"Oh, so now it's MY fault we hit an iceberg, is it?...Seriously, could you tell me if it is my fault? The script's a little vague on that..."

Good thing his collagen kept him afloat...

"If I had a ruler, I'd smack you with it right now!"

Um, does anyone want to check him for a pulse, or...

"Woof! Woof!"

"Sorry, they've been rubber-cemented shut..."

Oh no, Kathy Griffin! I was better off dead!

"Is it me you're looking for?"

Is the rest of the movie going to take place in Limbo?

Geez, where's the snooty first officer shouting people down when you need him?

*hurl*
"Sorry, swallowed a lot of salt water while I was in the ocean..."

Did they lock up?

And they were rescued by...oh, let's say Moe.

To shoot the director.

Not really, no. Feel free to end!

The Board of Health is shutting us down on Tuesday.

And the cat and the chihuahua wound up in the daily special...

Actually the dogs did all the work and he took all the credit.

Which he bought for fifty cents in a pawn shop.

May the ghost of Telly Savalas never give you a moment's peace for this.

Wait, when did she get her cat back?

Did one of the Peanuts kids narrate this?

Because they...look, they just did, all right? Don't ask stupid questions.

Or scared shitless, it's hard to tell.

She can't believe this epilogue either.

Better than drooling with Bleak House, I guess.

In her bedroom.

Admit it, you just paired the characters off at random here, didn't you?

They must have had a hell of a time holding these poses for the photographer.

They already have grandkids? That was fast.

Actually she survived, they just couldn't stand her singing that damn song anymore.

Except for the few hundred people who died when the ship sank. Whoops, was I not supposed to mention them?

Is that a threat?

Boy, does it ever. Much like this song, really.

Oh Matt, look at what you did! Bad composer, BAD! No biscuit!

I can't imagine anyone wanting to take credit for these songs once, let alone twice...

Wha--?

Twenty minutes? Did they thank everyone in Italy?

Well, can't argue with that, really...

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Titanic: The Animated Movie (Part 5)

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"Her transistor needed replacing."

"It suits me, don't you think?"

"This is from a claw machine!"

Well, enough of that plot line; let's see what else is going on...

After hours at Taco John's.

Oh yeah baby, yeah, oh right there ooooooooh...

"Now, where did you last see them?"

"So, um, do you need help taking that dress off, or..."

"Phew, he's actually leaving!"

"It's almost like you're on this very ship with me even as I speak..."

"Next to Jello shots."

"She can suffer for me instead!"

Someone hit the romantic lead, he's stuck!

Have we set an ominous enough mood yet? Good.

Somewhere out here a polar bear is drinking a Coke.

Everyone must be watching Mr. Magic's show in the Centurion Lounge.

"It's a big black thing with stars and a moon in it..."

Oh yeah, I can see how he wouldn't have noticed that.

That's not an iceberg, it's the Matterhorn!

"Or just spin the wheel whichever way..."

"I love you Bob Hoskins!"
"I love you Christopher Eccleston!"

"Happy, happy--hwah?"

"Well, this is the last time I splurge for a balcony suite."

Great, there's a T-Rex outside too.

Oh no, the stock footage is taking on water!

"Starboard, starboard...is that left or right?"

"You too, Officer Hitler."

Etiquette regarding mourning dress was rather strict back then, but I'm pretty sure you didn't have to sleep in it...

"Aieee! Help! We're all gonna die!"
"Eh, it's probably nothing."

Great, so they'll be on deck in, oh, two hours...

Oh yeah, THAT will take care of it.

"OI!"

"Sorry, your accent's too impenetrable..."

That one part of the hull doesn't have a whole lot of integrity.

"What's going on? Does someone have an anachronistic musical number to help explain it?"

"Eh, don't worry about it, there's two thousand more where he came from."

Dammit, why do people insist on saving the annoying kid?

Eh, if they didn't have the sense to swim through the bars, they deserve to die.

How is his hat staying on?

"We're stuck in this shot!"

The cat's the better swimmer. That really is the most useless dog in the world.

The hull's been breached, what, sixteen times now?

"Shouldn't we, um, put people in them first?"

"They're lowering lifeboats with their MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINDS!

"Characters with speaking parts and children first!"

Geez, sorry I'm not saving my life fast enough."

"Aw Moooom, you never allow me to be recklessly materialistic!"

I always said, James Cameron never fully explored the slapstick potential of the Titanic disaster.

"Wow, my back feels great! This is better than chiropractics!"

"Ah-ha, soon her lunch will be MINE!"

Dammit, we're celebrating the Fourth of July NO MATTER WHAT!!

Our hero power walks to the rescue!

"What the--hey, that's the same staircase!"

Wal-Mart, Black Friday 1912

"If I don't reach the end of this stock footage soon, I'm doomed!"

They're pretty blase about this whole thing.

Walk in place to the lifeboats!

We're going to keep setting off this one flare until help arrives!

No wonder so many people died on the Titanic, it's taken them three tries to lower this one lifeboat!

"It's no use, we're not important enough to get a spot on the lifeboats..."

"I mean it, there's one of me and only several hundred of you!"

"And there's stock clips blocking the exits too!"

"This is a kid's movie, we're not allowed to die."

They hit an iceberg AND a time warp!

"Wait, how did I get back down here?"

"Don't loose hope! We will levitate to safety!"

Rosie O'Donnell?

"I'm not, I just don't want to go on emergency rations."

She's not worried; she has her own flotation device.

"And I'm French. That must count for something."

That's just what this movie needs--one more annoying selfish bastard.

"Last call? We haven't even been served drinks yet!"

Much like this movie.

"I'm a broad caricature too!"

"Sorry about the broken ankle, by the way."

Aw, it's like Ida and Isador Straus, only boring and laughable.

"We should reach the water sometime next week..."

"Damn, I'm a smug git."

I don't remember this verse of "Nearer My God to Thee"...

Oh God, it's starting over!

Did her voice actor quit mid-recording?

The running gag, ladies and gentlemen.

"Hey kid, we've got some candy in our pockets..."

"They're just working class, honey, ignore them."

Boy, this light comedy sure takes my mind off the fifteen hundred souls lost...

She's battling Our Lady of Soundtrack Sorrow for control of the music!

"We mean it, this is the absolutely final last call this time!"

"We'll never beat the Yale crew at this rate!"

"On the plus side, this is good for my abs..."

"Are you amused?"

"And Mary?"

"Yeah, everything's coming up roses right now, thanks..."

"Dammit, if only I could somehow break this thin pane of glass..."

I don't know if I'm more impressed by the fact they had safety glass in 1912 or that he's breaking it with a wicker chair...

o/...And I know only o-one song, so I'll sing it endlesslyyyyy....o/

Yes, we're still reacting!

"Oh, we're doomed. How gauche."

Last one to the lifeboats needs to turn out the lights!

The stock footage can't hold out much longer, Captain!

"Come on, I've had to load you people seven times already!"

"Yay, we won't be in the movie anymore!"

"Oh my stars!"

Shouldn't have built the ship on the San Andreas fault...

"Ow, dislocated my arm!"

"Hey kid, ever wanted to be a high diver?"

"Probation be damned, I'm going out happy!"

Did he just do Parkour?

o/...Contact, it's the moment, it's the reason that everything happens...o/

Wow, that was fast.

Hey, he came up with a different kid!

"I have no life vest and you're heavy and I'm tired and the water is freezing the blood in our veins as we speak, but we made it!"

"You can use him to pull the oars!"

"Allow me to levitate in the water as I hand him to you."

"Oh well, I tried."

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Titanic: The Animated Movie (Part 4)

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Actually, it's just one of those "came with the frame" pictures.

A Bedouin?

Great, back to the annoying "C" plot...

"That means 'dressed like an extra from Aladdin,' right?"

What color are their hands now?

I don't want to see these two "working" anybody or anything.

He's sort of a Clumsy Dodger...

Hah-hah, he's got rabies now.

Her dialogue has lapped itself...

"Yo quiero new skull."

She makes Jessica Rabbit look waifish.

"Great, now I have to surrender to the galley."

"Thank you, Officer Ricky Martin."

"Your wrinkled face is frightening me."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

Stockard Channing's their navigator?

Ah, a night establishing shot. Nice change of pace.

Man of 1 1/2 Faces

Luigi was on the Titanic?

"Crap, she's singing again..."

So the Titanic voyage was basically an extended wedding reception...

"I had my nails manicured for nothing!"

I remember meeting her like it was yesterday. Actually, it was this morning...

*sigh* She had such a way with opening that door...

And her can looked so fine when she leaned against that railing...

Come on, we didn't like this scene the first time!

Can they die of hypothermia three or four times, please?

Wow, Juliet's setting off a whole bunch of nuclear devices today...

Gaah, his flashbacks are having flashbacks!

When does the waitstaff start dancing?

"This is our only reaction shot."

*gasp* She put her hair up!

"Time to go be French."

So, bad songs and cleavage. That's all this movie does well.

They're getting a nice piano sound out of that string quartet.

"Hey, that's MY Cracker Jack prize!"

"I'm going to bang her on the stateroom balcony. Don't tell anyone."

"Come on, let's go to the piano bar instead..."

o/...Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, Blandy and the Beast...o/

"Hey, I'm singing here!"

I think she's Jem's great-great-aunt.

You know what this ship needs? A bingo night.

You don't need to point us to your boobs; they're pretty obvious...

One of the great 80s pop hits of 1912...

Pepe le Smug

"Let's go make out in one of the lifeboats!"

"Alan Golder!"

"I know because it was me! Er, I mean..."

"Um, ah...did I mention I'm French?"

THANK YOU!

Now could you slap him too?

"Butter my buns and call me a biscuit!"

"I was going to save it for dessert!"

"And did absolutely nothing about it."

"Even my accent's fake!"

"Yes, dear, now excuse me while I throw myself into the ocean..."

If I hold you and never let you go, will you stop singing that bloody song?

Look out, the ocean is Dutch tilting!

"God, no matter where we go that damn singer follows us!"

"It felt like I was fingering you all night..."

"It's kind of a letdown, really."

"That's just the way I like it, baby."

"I'm only interested in your money!"

"I once killed a man to watch him die!"

"I'm really a dude!"

"Just wait, I want to time this with the crescendo of the music..."

"Grandma, get out of my room!"

Geez, it's like a medieval bedding ceremony; everybody's watching them get it on...

Not so much kissing as shoving their faces together.

"That's better, now I can't see them..."

"A night to remem--whoops, wrong movie..."

The characters only have five sound files apiece.

"Hey, who turned off the pop ballad?"

"No way, you're MY fuckbuddy now."

"Is anyone else seeing a hyperactive rodent in a cardigan?"

This is why they're not allowed at Pier One anymore.

"Oh man, I'm on a bad trip..."

"Ugly people getting hurt is funny!"

"The plague's on the house this time."

Thanks, random voice-over...

And now the band from The Aristocats? What's next, is Ariel going to help people to the lifeboats?

Remember these characters? They're in our movie!

Walt Disney is spinning in his cryo-chamber fast enough to light up Anaheim at this point.

Oh, get bent-sto.

Lame party, but the stock clips are excellent.

I never thought I'd say it, but bring back the rapping dog!

A tribute concert for the Frito Bandito.

Casa Bonita is more authentically Mexican than these guys!

He's the Tito Puente of the dog world.

"Fine, we'll talk, just don't sing anymore!"

"Like some earplugs?"

He's wearing Marge Simpson's necklace.

"The bars ARE wide enough for you to walk through, after all.."

"And that's my only line."

Yeah? Well, you look like an obese tiger...

Yeah, taco grande, whatever...

When do the Three Caballeros show up?

Oh, quit showing off!

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Titanic: The Animated Movie (Part 3)

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This ship has had the HELL established out of it!

"Candygram."

Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane in Some Like It Hot!

"You know, someone prettier and therefore better than you."

"We barely know you and one of my daughters is practically nude, but come on in!"

"Phew, I almost had to talk to ugly people for a moment there!"

"Let me flip through the Gideon Bible here for a moment and I'll tell you."

"At least I assume she is from the thirty seconds we spent together."

Oh, really?

"How many people can an ocean liner hold, anyway?"

Going?

"You're hornier than a field full of bulls."

"You're lucky he didn't start sniffing your underwear."

"So shut your weirdly deformed trap already!"

"That curls my sideburns!"

"I've ordered a kit from Hobby Lobby and everything!"

"Or a few hours, give or take."

I'm starting to question the wisdom of the "women and children first" philosophy.

"You are Mother Goose, right?"

"Well, she's on Facebook..."

"I just want to shag her senseless, what's wrong with that?"

Yum, slightly dirty water!

"My breasts couldn't be more ladylike!"

Don Bluth's "The Continental."

"A back for your dress!"

Officer Killjoy disapproves.

It's a little known fact that the recipient of the world's first boob job was on the Titanic.

Shom-pag-nuh?

"Yyyep, I'm da man."

With Harry Blackstone Jr. on piano!

o/...IT'S PARTY TIME, IT'S PARTY TIME...o/

She's a zombie! RUN!!

"Even though you can hear her out here."

"Mr. Goodbar."

MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Wow, I never thought I'd be nostalgic for Celine Dion...

"I'm from Narnia."

"Except maybe in a game of Trivial Pursuit..."

"Well, that and winning second place in the slot machine tournament."

Cleopatra thinks that eyeliner is a bit much.

"You caught me cause you want me, one day you'll let me go."

"Miss Jackson if you're nasty."

"I'll catch the garter for you!"

"Help me, I've been flying for three days straight!"

Hey, the ship has a hammock!

"No last name, like Prince or Madonna."

Quite easily, actually.

Whose dress is that? Is she hiding a thinner woman under her skirt?

"I'm going to be playing shuffleboard on the Lido deck."

"Not like I could wear anything designed to fit their grotesquely deformed bodies anyway..."

She's not so much sweet as diabetic.

"Some guy dropped a chandelier in the middle of the performance, it was really weird..."

"I was octagonal in my younger days..."

So her fairy godmother is a short, dumpy widow?

Beer nuts and whore tents?

"They are blindingly stupid, after all."

"Someone order a call girl?"

"Call me Snooty McSnideface."

"So I figured barging onto the bridge was the next logical step."

"It looks absolutely nothing like the Coeur de la Mer from that other Titanic movie, really."

"I'm the vaguely pretty one."

He makes that sound so sinister...

It's going to turn out she's Ursula in disguise, right?

"It's a trite enough plot twist."

"There's an engraving on the back that says 'property of a sweet girl who's kind to animals'..."

Someone's going to get an eye put out...and you know, I'm okay with that.

"Here, let me help you impale yourself."

"So I castrated myself for nothing, thanks."

*insert Also sprach Zarathustra here*

"Why am I doing this? I'm a mouse; I should be nibbling on people's snack stashes and spreading disease!"

Cirque du Soleil's "Tom and Jerry"

"This will work if we ignore the laws of physics."

So, seagull ass and mouse batch. Thanks, movie.

Wow, that is one top-heavy chair; I'm amazed it can stand upright...

The cat has jaundice!

"We're not looking for a lock, we're looking for a locket!"
"Damn, NOW you tell me!"

Azrael put on a lot of weight.

"There's a crystal goblet of Fancy Feast with my name on it!"

So, they brought two changes of clothes for the entire voyage...

He makes Snooch look svelte.

But they did remember a nice collection of trench coats, so that's something.

"A human, EEK!"

Because she's fat, get it?

o/...The Loooooove Boat...o/

Does Disney know they took a non-union gig?

"It's unusually pleasant, actually."

Dammit, this movie needs to set out some glue traps or something...

Iago could so beat the shit out of this guy.

An Ehrlich? Max or Paul?

"And I can't stand the sound of your voice."

Nothing says a dramatic heist like bongo music!

Is that the only song she knows?

"If I can't see her, she can't see me!"

"Hey, who turned out the lights?

Why is she keeping the locket in a snuf box?

"I'll just put this in my change purse..."

"Someday you'll return the favor..."

"Don't make me come over there!"

He makes a convincing argument.

Tommy Smothers is in the air vent!

"To steal is evil, and I want to be good!"

"And why do I have teeth?"

"It's got fleas and avian flu on it now, but here you go..."

And a little Bubonic plague for good measure!

She probably doesn't wash her hands after using the restroom either...

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Titanic: The Animated Movie (Part 2)

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"So long, thanks for all the fish!"

"Yeah, really tragic. So, physical comedy, then?"

"We have more than enough plague to go around!"

Garfield and the Taco Bell Chihuahua in their wackiest adventure yet!

Damn, he survived.

???!!!!

This is nice; most films on the Titanic leave out the rapping dog.

The Speedy Gonzales Combo!

Oh, I can think of a few things I'd like to bust right now...

Music rejected by an anti-drug PSA.

Meanwhile, in another cartoon entirely...

Potatoes are what we trip on!

Comic collision in three, two...

"Yo quiero emergency room."

When's that iceberg supposed to get here?

"Who are we again?"

The Once-ler approves!

Yeesh, this makes the Bakshi Lord of the Rings look like Fantasia!

Umm, what time is it again?
Miller?
Daylight Savings?
Amok?
Of Cholera?

QUIT LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!! GAAAAAAH!

"We're in 1980s LA, what are we doing here?"

Okay, it's Party Time, you've made your point already!

Sorry for that, folks; we don't know what the Hell it was about either. There were some good drugs going around the studio that day.

Susan Sto Hellit did NOT age well.

Hey, YOU'RE the one who hired them to be pickpockets; shouldn't you have checked their references first?

"It's not my fault I was born with flippers!"

"My pocket knife to stab you with, why?"

"And look, here's a shiny quarter behind your ear!"

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

It's like the Marx Brothers, only I want to kill myself.

"Yo quiero black coffee and cold shower."

She looks like the Joker's great-great-grandmother.

Professional WHAT, we won't say...

Shouldn't the steward have come by and bugged them for a tip by now?

Set up pratfall, and...

...wait for iiiiiiit...

...any minute now...

...pratfall GO!

Her dog's Johnny Cash?

Looks like the love child of Lady and the Tramp.

The fabulous CGI Cruise Line!

"Now please shut the fuck up."

"I mean, what are the odds that she's on this very ship and we'll be reunited in a contrived manner, anyway?"

"Anything could happen: long-lost daughters, icebergs, death in a watery grave..."

"Now I am off to woo women and surrender to Germany. Because I am very French, you know."

Ah, smell that sea smarm...

Kathy Bates!

"Sorry lady, one tripping gag per day is my limit."

"What do you want from me? I eat my own filth!"

"Fine, I'll just be snooty someplace else then..."

He just hates the French on general principle.

"Shit, it's the rapping dog. Act like you don't see him!"

Oh, like YOU'RE one to talk...

What about the mouse mariachi group?

"They're putting me down tomorrow."

"...by exploiting bad editing!"

Even her double chin?

Oh yeah, this is all on a boat, in case you've forgotten...

TSA must have confiscated her sewing scissors.

"I'm sure it'll turn up as a plot point later on."

They're about a stealthy as a circus parade.

"WHOA! Sorry, wrong room! Please, don't get up...it must have taken you forever to get into that position to begin with..."

A light-activated bell!

Are they going to tell ghost stories next?

The Keystone Cops had more dignity than this...

Whoops, ran out of stock animation.

Robbie Rotten's cleverest disguise yet!

"Quit looking at our butts!"

"Huh, the guy at the joke shop SWORE this disguise would work..."

She has a flowerpot full of clothes!

Aaaaand, the Meet Cute (TM), right on schedule.

*gasp* "He's just like me, only male!"

"I love a woman who can wear a pup tent well."

"Which you would have realized if you had the reasoning ability of a ferret."

o/...Laundry day, see you there...o/

"Want to go stand on the prow and yell about being king of the world?"

"I touched her underthings. It MUST be love!"

They're setting up for another pointless musical sequence...

"Who put Rapper McGruff in charge, anyway?"

Thanks, that narrows it down.

"Yyyyep, this looks like the eternal void."

Mario and Luigi should be down here somewhere...

Uh-oh, everyone in steerage flushed at the same time!

Ha-ha, he almost drowned! I'm sure it'll be even funnier later on.

Did we ever even find out who this is?

That is one long-lasting birthday candle.

And he plummets to his death. The End.

Or not. Damn.

Looks kind of like the rodent version of Dopey.

o/...Les poissons, les poissons...o/

"No, wait, I just want to be a gourmet chef!"

I'll bet the rats from The Muppets Take Manhattan could have this place going in a jiffy.

"Help, I'm having hot flashes!"

In a jar, no less.

"Wait, is 'inflammable' the same as 'flammable'?"

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Titanic: The Animated Movie (Part 1)

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A Three Tenors Production

Is there a big market for cartoons of great historical tragedies in Italy?

Coming Soon: Anne Frank's Wacky Holocaust Adveture!

MARCO!
COLUMBO!!

...the top shelf of the cupboard, next to the glass pitcher and Grandma's antique casserole dish.

It's pronounced "Jim" but his parents tried too hard to be creative.

Music from the Hallmark Easy Listening Collection

"Um, Mister Captain, could you maybe help us?"
"Shut up, you brats, now step on it! I want to be in New York by Friday!"

WHOOO! Party!

"Hey, I've got an idea, how about a round? I'll start: Row, row, row your boat..."

Mary Worth is concerned.

The Young Belle Chronicles

"Good idea dressing in drag to get on the lifeboat, Earl.."

Well, at least things are moving along; it took Cameron two and a half hours to get to this point.

"No, I'm too pretty to die!"

*sob* "Our 99 children, all gone!"

"I don't know why, but we seem to be going in circles..."

The lifeboat's all decorated for Christmas!

TIIIIMBEEEEEEEEEEER!!!

Reaction Shots: The Movie

Spring Break! WHOOO!

"Well, at least that bitch Cruella went down with the ship..."

"I am startled again!"

Well, not really titanic, I mean, it only has a population of half a million...

Previously on Lost...

Poirot's Zany Orient Express Voyage!

*gasp* "Why, that's me!"

Quite a coup getting Angela Lansbury to voice her.

Not so much a "wicked" stepfamily as a mildly annoying one.

"Just because I'm an orphan doesn't mean I'll never see my family again!"

Didn't Norman Osborne live there?

Perfect. I always say, "Every good animated film needs a shot of a seagull's ass."

Your Royal Caribbean vacation awaits!

What the--hey, that's HITLER!

"Wait, I didn't fasten my seatbeeeeeelt..."

Ha-ha, he has massive internal injuries and will die painfully!

Carol Channing!

Jasper and Horace have fallen on hard times.

Could you turn down the Cockney a click or two, please?

"Don't worry, I've got your head bustle!"

That is one tired cat; it must not be getting its twenty hours of sleep per day.

No, she dropped her Cracker Jack prize!

IRONY ALERT

Is that a hat or a circus tent?

Ah yes, of the L.L. Bean McFlannels...

Let's see, what other classic animated films can we rip off? Oh that's right, An American Tail!

"You're dead, box!"

"Nobody, nobody! Just your average, everyday clothes-wearing sentient mouse..."

Ah, I think I've found the Smarmy Rich Guy (TM)

What a lousy accent!

"Divine figoo?"

"Back off, buddy, she's my girl!"

"A cheap necklace dropped on the dirty wharf--that's the PERFECT present for a lady!"

"After all, no one's slick as me."

"Remember, it's very important being you!"

"Please, allow my bland handsomeness to assist you."

"Don't worry about me, I'll just carry these very heavy suitcases all the way to my cabin myself with my arthritic limbs..."

"The bodies of those that wronged me."

"You know, on the off chance we hit an iceberg and sink, or something."

Are there very many hillbilly squirrels in England?

"Scuse me, I need this for my embroidery..."

I didn't know Kehaar and Jeremy the Crow had a love child...

"We're the officially designated offensive cultural stereotypes!"

Wicket bongos?

"No relation to Sherlock Holmes, really."

PLOT POINT ALERT

"So, how many child laborers did you kill last year?"

"NOBODY will recognize me for a detective in THIS get-up!"

"Even though everybody on deck just saw me run to catch the boat."

Chief Officer Jonathan Frakes

"Check it out, I just grew three feet running up here!"

o/...You load sixteen tons, whaddya get?...o/

"Increase the stock animation! Full speed ahead!"

"Buh-bye! Have fun storming the Atlantic!"

Tighten your corsets until they snap?

"Pull her at once"?

When you get near some coherent dialogue, let us know.

Her butt's in backwards!

"Hi, my name is Bilbo and I'll be your steward for this voyage..."

"She's the one that looks like a failed Disney Princess."

"No, the plot device is missing!"

"You put them on top of the Ginsu knives again!"

Wow, great reverb in that cabin...

"My fairy godmother will help me."

Granny traded in Sylvester and Tweety for a couple urchins!

"Not getting my tail amputated, I hope..."

Great, now every rat in the hold is going to be swarming their cabin...

If she starts singing to him, I'm quitting.

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