Showing posts with label Documentary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Documentary. Show all posts

Monday, December 21, 2009

In Search Of...Atlantis (Part 3 of 3) Nimoy

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"Help me, Steve Irwin's fans are after me!"
Harry/Hermione, Bella/Jacob, Xander/Willow...
Another had gone down on her boyfriend after prom.
They're matryoshka ships!
The ocean uses 2,000 Flushes.
...having the name "Valentine" makes it impossible for him to be taken seriously by his colleagues.
"Hey Balthazar, I'll trade you this Mediterranean limited edition for your Caspian rookie card!"
...for the breakfast buffet at Cesar's Palace?
Or were they just really, really lost?
"Shouldn't have had Mexican before diving, sorry..."
Unfortunately, they ran out of extension cord and had to call the exploration off.
"It's a rock. Can't wait to tell my friends, they don't have a rock this big..."
...looks frantically for his lost contact lens.
Each of which ran in Marble Shooters' Weekly for several years.
Then they thought aliens did it.
Specifically, that some kid was dreaming and they were stuck inside his wacky Broadway nightmare.
Give or take 12,000 years.
And Legos.
Or it could just prove that all of this is hogwash.
HERE is a diver who really doesn't know what he's doing...
Crap, Nemo's lost again...
Sailors may have gotten drunk and done unspeakably dirty things to tavern wenches...
Here, guys carrying around placards saying "THE END OF ATLANTIS IS NEAR" may have been dismissed as loonies.
Wow, who knew licorice was so noisy?
While we prepare our next half-baked theory, please enjoy this Kitaro music.
Yep, still a moldy old column.
Or it really just could be ballast from a sunken ship, but who wants to watch a half-hour series on that?
Oh no, the cherry cobbler is going critical!
Reno?
Organic decomposition's a bitch, isn't it?
As was detailed in the epic Atlantis by Rolando Emmerichus.
Nobody has ever tried to find that wardrobe CS Lewis was going on about, your point?
All speculative pseudoscience has to involve the Easter Island statues at some point or another.
...Is a statue that looks nothing like the Easter Island heads, but it's huge so it must have come from the same people, right?
You're just throwing random shit together now, aren't you? Why not tie in the Roanoke colony and Elvis while you're at it?
...the accountants, the part-time gyro stand employees...
Which somehow ended up looking EXACTLY like the culture and technology of the indigenous population!
Um, because they're all human?
Pfft, some pyramid. The one in Vegas has a casino...
Of course the revelation that the triangle is the most stable shape in architecture couldn't possibly have occurred in two different civilizations, so the Atlanteans did it!
Like enormous phallic symbols.
Wow, what an extraordinary thing for a temple that's, you know, dedicated to a sun god.
Or, in more colloquial terms, "Ramses' Tanning Bed."
...delicious wafer mints are made!
So in other words, using none of the same words as the Egyptians apart from the "of the sun" bit.
...are these souvenirs that have "I Survived The Destruction of Atlantis" written on the back.
o/...We come from the fire, living in the fire...o/
And monkeys.
See, this looks kind of like a black guy, doesn't it? DOESN'T IT?!
Silly Putty!
Um, yeah, we call that Africa.
People bury there dead all over the place--it MUST be true!
...with the citizens and officials of Rutland, Vermont...
Or maybe the Mayans just figured things out on their own...nah, that's crazy talk.
What about the belief that the sun is pushed across the sky by a dung beetle? Nobody ever brings that up anymore...
Admit it, this is just all cobbled together from your college essay on Jung, isn't it?
Or perhaps they were Leonardo Cimino...
"Some of the pieces didn't quite fit so we forced them in with a hammer."
"But in doing so, we also lost the lighting for my host segments."
"I'm just saying this because they paid me to."
"Except for the parts that are myth."
Hey, all the old paintings on the tombs--they really DO the sand dance, don'cha know!
Then they snickered behind their hands.
Horus has a bright idea!
Tawaret? So Atlantis is involved with Lost too?

(Makes about as much sense as anything else in the series, I guess...)
"Stiff as a feather, light as a board, stiff as a feather, light as a board..."
--Australia!
"This is Osiris. On behalf of the entire pantheon, have a Merry Heb Sed!"
"I'm not speaking to you. You're mean to me."
And his wife, V.I.
o/...Every post-production begins with Kay...o/
"Hey Herb, you think the pyramids and the Easter Island statues are connected to Atlantis?"
"Sounds good to me, Jeanne!"
Special thanks to the alien messages from the fillings in our teeth.




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Thursday, December 17, 2009

In Search Of... Atlantis (Part 2 of 3) Nimoy

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But could it run Doom?
When was the first non-sequitur invented?
(Except the stuff that is like it.)
Plato's metaphorical Atlantis...
"Ruined"
Maybe it was mixed in from another puzzle. Are any of your other puzzles missing a piece?
In an analogy, for instance...
"Beyond" in which direction?
Santorini must lie to the west, in the Atlantic ocean?
"But first, I'd like to sing a little song about the most famousest of all hobbits..."
YOU BLEW IT UP! YOU MANIACS!
These fish were once cockerel.
And impossible, if you're a Conservative.
Obsolete Science Bingo
Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
Obsolete Science Bingo
Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
Is ANYONE else seeing the giant loaf of uncooked bread dough?
Only to be wined, dined and disappointed, and left with a disease.
"And he stresses that it's for sale."
Like love.
I'm beginning to trust Dr. Ashur less and less.
So we sit and draw pictures for the tourists.
"And that they might have artificially inseminated cattle."
"But you're mean, and I'm not showing it to you."
Obsolete Science Bingo
Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
Obsolete Science Bingo
Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
"The E.U."
Obsolete Science Bingo
Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
Obsolete Science Bingo
Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
"And the Smiling Freak."
Thousands more equally vague predictions that couldn't be shoehorned into anything are kept in a U-Store-It downtown.
Both vaguely.
No, when he was very sick, he predicted his death within the next four days.
Who didn't?
No, a death of a President... sometime.
And other loopy sh*t.
He was wrong.
When did he write "I'm Your Boogie Man"?
So not in '68 or '69, and not involving any geological upheavals then?
"...In the Atlantic."
This is the only somewhat regular-looking bit, by the way.
Groupers!
"Leonard, must you work huge white bottoms into every single script?"

"Shut it! And get me another f***ing Gandalf robe."
"And in other places with similar geology."
1. STFU
2. GTFO
3. They're the teeth of a giant space hippopotamus.
4. After Eight mints... OF THE GODS!
5. Some madman has leaked the secret of T-squares to the coral.
What could go wrong?
And the candlestick maker.
"Nothing gay happened."





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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

In Search Of... Atlantis (Part 1 of 3) Nimoy

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And according to Grey Weisman they're supposed to look like some alien dude
A wizard did it
maybe the people who made them thought "Hey, here's an idea, lets really confuse future generations by dumping these things in the middle of nowhere!"
LOOK ON MY WORKS YE MIGHTY AND DESPAIR
both this drawing and Stone Henge were at one point nomimated for Ye Olde Turner Prize
so aliens did it then
and by "so close" we mean "no where near"
you see in the past it was illegal to use modern science for this sort of thing, you had to use old stuff instead
Extraterrestrial what exactly?
in that episode we learned that witchcraft is not caused by reading Harry Potter books
even without this show we'd be searching for those
found one!
bummer
in other words, "don't take Spocks word for it"
and so begins Doctor Who: Inferno
however, lost to the mists of time is the first page of the book he wrote that in which reads "This book is a work of fiction, any resemblance to any real persons either living or dead is purely conincidental"
"And here it is, right behind me."
Well considering how much of a player Zues was that's not too much of a stretch
"then I'm a monkey's uncle!"
it is said that the people of Atlantis invented the internet
so we ignored it and went elsewhere
then again...Britain got itself a pretty big empire so it might be possible
Why someone had mixed the main characters from Pokemon and the Evil Dead movies with a load of a lava I have no idea
the volcano is now heavily shunned and mistreated by its fellow bit of geography
the volcano hid Atlantis behind the sofa
"I just relised something, this stuff is really really old!"
(rolls eyes)"Yes Spock, well done."
so Plato described Atlantis as being a totally ruined mess?
well that's normal
because today event Atlantis will be affected by the recession
the neigbours often complained about how nosiy Atlantis was
so the only bloke who got to have a bath was the king then
and here we see a painting of a traditional Atlantean response to an insult about your mother
but they always burnt the toast




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